this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] scytale@piefed.zip 198 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Dude was wiping down his chair more often than his ass.

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 74 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well yeah. Wipi g your chair isn't gay.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

is it gay to slip a finger in when the tp breaks? asking for a friend.

[–] muffedtrims@lemmy.world 29 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 38 points 3 weeks ago

Septic masculinity

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[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 135 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

OP should ditch their imaginary girlfriend for another one less annoying.

[–] defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 41 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

80% chance it's actually his mom who's complaining.

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[–] Resplendent606@piefed.social 113 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I could understand if it smelled like swamp-ass (sweat) from sitting there too long, especially in a chair made of faux leather, but it shouldn't smell like poop.

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 168 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Wow really judgemental community here

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[–] humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 58 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

The trick is to wear clothes when sitting in it.

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[–] Caesium@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Exactly, also faux leather is my bane that stuff is the worst. The texture is awful

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[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 107 points 3 weeks ago

You know it smells bad when body-pillow comes alive to complain.

[–] Roopappy@lemmy.world 89 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] axEl7fB5@lemmy.cafe 48 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I also judge this guy's dead wife.

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I also judge this guy's fake girlfriend

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 86 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

guys, need some help here. my gaming room smells like shit. like literally shit. the carpet used to be grey, but it's brown now because of the smell. I've been wiping my ass on the carpet because I saw my dog do it once and it feels good. my mom has been complaining about the smell for a week now and is threatening to come clean my room. I can't let her see the room because I've smeared my turds on the walls artistically for my viewers on twitch. any help to get the poop smell out, please! if I can't get the smell out dad said he's going to force me to get a job!

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 14 points 3 weeks ago

I didn't know Asmongold was on Lemmy!

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 67 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'l been sitting in the same (mesh) chair for >15yrs (Aeron) and have no such problem. That the OP's response to the GF's complaint is anger says more about them than they intend.

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 47 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (9 children)

TBH I don't know what that smell is but if it's related to sweat and ass fluid then cleaning should be fairly simple:

  1. Start with a 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on its side and soak then compress / scrub, this step should ensure no bacteria remains and that it dries very quickly for the next steps. You don't have to rinse alcohol, it evaporates quickly.

  2. Next we're going to try to counteract gastric and/or uric acids, which is to say hydrochloric acid, by scrubbing with washing soda. If you don't have access to washing soda then you can either use baking soda directly or turn the baking soda into washing soda by dehydrating it in the oven. Scrub with and rinse out the soda with water.

  3. Final step, to counter any other contaminants, rinse with some amount of acidic cleaner such as vinegar. This will also help remove any soda from the previous step. Rinse out all of the vinegar with water, it does not evaporate.

  4. Dry in a very warm place with lots of airflow.

  5. Wash your ass with soap.

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[–] FlorisJan@kbin.melroy.org 47 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Drewmeister@lemmy.world 40 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Chill! This is a common problem that must people have.

[–] FlorisJan@kbin.melroy.org 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Being angry? That makes me even more angry!

[–] PrettyFlyForAFatGuy@feddit.uk 37 points 3 weeks ago (13 children)

Friendly reminder, wiping your arse with dry paper is not sufficient to clean it following a dump run.

A bidet (european style) is best.

no itchy/smelly bumhole ever again

[–] beastlykings@sh.itjust.works 14 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Bidet crew checking in.

Mines got hot water. I don't mean that it's got a pipe for hot water, and you have to wait forever for it to warm up. I mean it's got a water heater built in. And a heated seat. And a hot air blower.. dryer? Butt hair dryer? It's nice, especially in the winter.

Clean your butts, people

[–] phx@lemmy.ca 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I've got a cheaper, tap-cold only version (mainly because that's the easiest to install without running new plumbing or electrical in that particular location). Honestly the cold water isn't so bad. It can even numb things up if you've been dehydrated and launched a particularly stressful cannonball.

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[–] hperrin@lemmy.ca 36 points 3 weeks ago

0% chance that guy didn’t shart on that chair.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 36 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] rafoix@lemmy.zip 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

He should do anal tightening exercises every other day to cut down on all that feces leaking out.

[–] Okokimup@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago

Nah, just needs the right butt plug.

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

"girlfriend" Ha yeah right dude

[–] ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I know a flabby, sweaty, unhygienic dude with a diaper fetish who also RPs as a baby (???) on Discord who's been with his girl for about a decade. The world can surprise you, lol.

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[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

He means his mom.

[–] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 23 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

Simple case of bad biology luck or bad diet, resulting in smelly farts, combined with not standing up. Switching to a mesh chair would do wonders.

[–] spicehoarder@lemmy.zip 16 points 3 weeks ago

Standing up and eating better would also work I assume

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[–] frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world 22 points 3 weeks ago

What in the holy mother of skidmarks is happenin here

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

how the fuck a chair smells like poop?! Is he siting there without pants? Did he poop his pants in thr chair?!

[–] A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

5 bucks says he doesnt wipe his ass after shitting, or wash his ass in the shower, so has a perpetual skidmark, possibly even full blown melted toblerone.

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

eating shitty food and farting all the time and not wiping your ass properly are probably the culprits so yea better hygiene

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[–] python@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago (11 children)

Okay semi unrelated question, but do mens gym showers usually smell like poop?

Because I recently got a fancy gym membership through my employer that allows me to go to basically any gym in the area, and so far the shower in the mixed gender sauna areas has always smelled like poop, while the showers in the woman's sauna and changing room haven't.
Might just be a weird coincidence, but it's been like 5 different gyms of different chains and I've been really bothered by it

[–] burgermeister@sh.itjust.works 19 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

No. If I went to the showers and they smelled like poop I would leave that gym.

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[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Maybe it's just terrible plumbing, that pushes shit below where those showers are.

We had an issue at work where flushing in the men's would cause the shit to pop up in the ladies toilet. There was a fair few arguments among the women over who was leaving floaters.

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[–] blargh513@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Aeron chair with a crumb tray under.the mesh. Empty the tray once a year and hose down the chair every other.

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[–] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 3 weeks ago

Fake: op has gf

Gay: he's fucking his chair?

[–] salacious_coaster@infosec.pub 17 points 3 weeks ago
[–] sundray@lemmus.org 14 points 3 weeks ago
[–] MattTheProgrammer@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

That thread was a total mixed bag of people trying to be genuinely helpful and ripping on the guy. It was something to behold.

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