No Stupid Questions

How good of a friend are we talking? I care about my roommate's new nephew. I know his sister, and we've played D&D with his brother-in-law. The baby is, like, a relevant part of being friends with them. Similarly, if he went on vacation I'd want to hear about how it went, especially if anything interesting happened.

On the other hand some of my coworkers at my last job liked to talk about this kind of stuff, and I didn't really care, but it was nice to have something to talk about while I was setting up a new printer for them, or whatever.

As i got older, I cared more. I uses to listen politely, then I started to look forward to hearing about my friends and family lives. Now I'm one of those guys who calls to ask for updates. 😆

I care, usually not very much, but somewhere above zero. It's good that they actually have something to talk about which therefore gives us something to talk about. Holidays overseas are a bit easier than kids because there's some relatability there but whatever they're talking about it's usually more the person talking about it that's interesting more than the thing. You're already friends, so you already enjoy their insights or way of talking about things and you've probably been there for a fair few of their important life events so it's nice to hear about the latest ones and how that's shaping then today as others shaped them before.

Because I don't have kids and wasn't on their vacation for me there is a natural limit imposed on just how interesting it can be hence saying I don't exactly care a whole lot, but it's usually at least enough to make sharing a beer more satisfying.

I don't get all wrapped up in imagining sharing the experience or anything like that, but it's always nice to get a factual update about the other person. And if they have something interesting to say about whatever it is, that's good too.

Somebody I care about has had an incredible event or experience in their life. Of course I care and want to hear about it.

I care. Some people care more than others. That’s fine.

Yes I do care. The reason i care is because it makes me happy for them as a friend that they're going through or went through an event that brought them joy or enriched their lives somehow.

If it's a coworker then I'm usually doing it to be nice, but also because if you're spending a considerable amount of time with your coworkers each day, you'll probably have a more enjoyable work culture if you get to know your coworkers.

If i have somewhere else to be or am short on time, then yea, i cant wait for them to finish telling me whatever they are telling me. Otherwise i can usually challange them with some questions or Insights, to create a two way conversation. Sure, if the person is someone i dont know well, ill usually not ask questions, and i am indeed not interested.

For some stuff I don't care, some other makes me jealous and some other is actually cool to discover/learn (think of some new place to have lunch/dinner or some hobby you didn't know about your friend).

But in general I am with you, and I also feel like most people liking and commenting are playing the social game.

I am not very active in social networks, though...

Autistic and I don’t care, but I do listen and I try to do it well.

Vacations, you gotta treat like MySpace. Set your top 8, and make sure you choose your top 8 wisely.

8 photos I feel like can easily net you a good 25 minute conversation.

Babies/pets? Show me 1-2 photos. Don't overdo it. You're going to have more photos as time goes on. This isn't a vacation where you have a finite amount of content. You'll show me a photo of your baby being cute. Hey, that's great. We'll talk about it for a few minutes. But we'll also talk about it for a few minutes next week when your baby is going to be cute again. So it's not like I want to spend all day talking about your baby. Your baby is cute, I'm happy for you, but lets move on.

I'm interested in parts of the trip. Mainly the foods and food markets. What they ate where. If they want to tell me about the views or the guy at that shop who said something, I'll feign interest.

Anyone who has been on a "cruise holiday" eats on the ship, and the food may be good but it isn't exciting or too exotic. I want to know how you ate a sausage and found out later it was an earthworm but it was really nice because they grilled it with lime and stuff and you couldn't tell.

A baby and a vacation aren't comparable.

Do I "care" about every little detail of their vacation? No, but I'm glad they are happy and had a good time.

People like to talk about their experiences, it's not really a game.

When it's about good friends, then yes, I care a lot.

This feels like the wrong framing.

I dunno, I like my friends and them being happy about something tends to make me happy. Do I find every baby/vacation anecdote amazing? Absolutely not but a lot of them have a kernel of funny or just something interesting for me to note.

Also, from a pure reciprocity perspective, don't you enjoy having folks to talk with about things going well in your life even they're maybe not the most unique or compelling things?

Absolutely not. I'd be surprised if anybody actually cares.

there is an important distinction between real friends, as in people who went through significant part of your life together with you, and your 500 "friends" on facebook...

Even if you don't care, it's probably a good idea to at least pay attention to the announcement of a new baby, because this is a new person, who will be a significant influence on their life and may have some impact on your own. Later on, it's considered polite to at least ask "and how's (name of spouse) and (name of child or children, or you can say "the kids"). One isn't expected to remember every detail, but at least acknowledge they exist.

It depends. Mostly I care, a new baby is a big deal, I think about how it will affect them, what the child might be like, the fact that I will probably still be spending time with that child in ten years.

Holidays I care if they're interesting. If someone goes somewhere I've always wanted to go I might have questions, if they've been somewhere I've been I might chat about what I liked. But when people try to tell you a detailed recount of some trip, it can be very boring. My parents are particularly bad at reminiscing together while notionally telling me, so they keep going "where was it we ate the second day? No that was the other place" it's awful. But it's a chance for them to feel happy about their holiday again, so I try to be patient, and I remember how many times my parents pretended to be interested as I explained how I was doing at some computer game or whatever.

But to answer your question, it sounds like you care less than most. But everyone cares less than the people who's life event it is. There's lots of scenes in comedies about people hating hearing about new babies, or being forced to look at holiday photos. So you're not alone!

I am on the spectrum. And no, i don't. And I don't think of it as being an asshole, I simply don't care about it because it just is something unimportant. I mean, if something bad happened to them, I'll be the first one to ask, but if they are telling me how nice was their trip it's like... well, yeah? It's expected. You make a trip to have a good time, so of course you had a good time.

I guess i consider it innecessary because is the expected outcome.

With that said, I will listen to what they say and remember it, but that doesn't mean I find it interesting unless there is something remarkable about it.

I like when people tell me about good things they had, awesome stuff they experienced etc etc because for me their happiness and enthusiasm is contagious. If my friends are happy and sharing it with me, my mood also goes up. Maybe it's because hearing about good things gets your brain into thinking/remembering good things, or maybe it's just good to see your friends in high spirits and enthusiastic about something, I do not know.

But as the old saying goes, shared joy is a doubled joy, shared sorrow is a halfed sorrow

Sure, I was always interested to see where everyone was traveling. That's what I had Facebook for until it turned to shit.

I don't have to hear anything about babies though.

I definately care some, although not enough that I want to sit through a photo slideshow or that. That said, if its just daily photos to a family group chat, or listening to them talk about a particular trip highlight, then I certainly enjoy it.

https://youtu.be/LbTB3ASkdOo

It gets easier to ask relevant questions when you have some experience in those things.

Regarding vacations, I like to ask about the nature of sights in the area. I'm not interested in what food was in the buffet or how many pools were at the hotel, but I would like to know if the area has anything of interest.

For people having babies, I like to ask questions about how they're going to handle it, just to check if they are on top of the situation or if they need help with anything.

Depends on the event. I dont care for babies, but I'm happy for them if they go on a nice vacation and I might consider their destination for myself if they recommend it.

That culture-wide, near impossible to appeal level of stuff you must care about or be an asshole is just the worst. You really lose something critical when you pretend, and everybody seems to be in a conspiracy to bust your hump if you don't play along.