Ask Lemmy

Try to get asylum in a less awful country.

BTW, just want to point out that the implicit assumption here is that OP is queer, and wants to fund a support group. But it's also possible that OP is homophobic, and wants to find queer people in order to publicly out them.

I’m sorry to say I don’t have any advice to help find others, but I will warn against trusting dating apps. I’ve read multiple stories of people getting catfished and beat up or even arrested for being queer. Good luck out there. For what it’s worth this internet stranger hopes you safely find what you’re looking for.

I'm straight, but had a phase of special interest (♾️) in this topic, so here is goes.

Infodump on LGBT Rights in Cuba

Cuba is a bit odd with gayness. Ernesto "Che" Guevara was openly homophobic. Relations with the Soviet Union also resulted in strong control of sexuality in Cuba following the revolution in 1959 and slowlyyyyy starting to ease up in the 1980s. In the 80s, Cuban agencies started advocating for sexual freedom, such as the Ministry of Culture stating that "homosexuality" was valid and homophobia should be opposed by the government. In 1986, the National Center for Sex Ed (CENESEX) supported that sentiment and argued that homophobia should be countered by public education. In 1993, a Cuban film called Fresa & Chocolate (Strawberry & Chocolate), which argued that being gay wasn't anti-revolutionary came out. The movie was internationally praised. The major implication was that the Cuban government was changing it's tone because nothing with that level of of production can be made in Cuba without approval from major political players. In fact, the Cuban military started officially allowing service members to be open about identifying as LGBT (yep, even trans!). Still, there was a push back in the 1990s. For example, people weren't allowed to dance together in same-sex pairs, and several night clubs known for LGBT clientele were raided by police. Around ~2010, Mariela Castro (Raul Castro's daughter) started organizing an LGBT rights movement that even carried out major protests in Havana. Fun fact: Raul Castro is known amongst the Cuban population as the la China de [un lugar] (the Chinese Woman of [someplace]; I can't remember where exactly, but maybe the Orient of Cuba) and known for being gay. Around the same time, Fidel Castro also took some responsibility for the oppression of LGBT in Cuba. Finally, in 2018, the Cuban assembly voted to legalize same-sex marriage, and in 2022, it became official.

Personal Input

I was born in the US to Cuban parents, but have been to Cuba a lot and my Cuban father was a major proponent of Cuba who taught me a lot about it. I have gone to Cuba over 20 times from around 1993-2018, always staying with family and one trip was a month long. During the last trips, I would stay with my dad's cousin who was gay. As someone that is naturally curious, I would ask him a lot about the Cuban revolution and sexuality, so we had a lot of conversations. One time, he pulled out gay porn and told me that it was highly illegal to have in Cuba, so he hid it really well. For those of us that live in the US, imagine how you keep your house deed, passport, social sec card, or other documents. That's how he kept his gay porn. So while there has been progress in sexual liberation, there is still control as well.

Here's What He Told Me about Being Gay There

The population understood that there always were gay people in Cuba. Most people were at least tolerant of it, but the government supported homophobes, so they had the power. However, since there was a sense of general control by the government, some people learned to informally unite in solidarity with the understanding that they were both oppressed despite being for different reasons. So while two different people may have felt that they were oppressed by the government for different reasons, they knew to support each other for mutual benefit. Luckily, his parents, brother, and sister-in-law were very accepting and supported his sexuality. He said that there are cool people everywhere, and it's a matter of learning how to identify them while also making sure you protect yourself. This is what he said he did to be gay in that environment:

1. Other people of the same sex that are extra friendly to you might be saying that they find you attractive. There are well-known places for meeting people with romantic and sexual intentions in Cuba. In these areas, if you see a lone person that is well-dressed, walking around slowly and without purpose, and giving people of the same-sex long friendly glances, they are looking for other LGBT. In these cases, you find a way to strike up conversation, with something simple and mostly pointless. If that person stops everything they are doing to give you full attention, then they're down. So for example, if you see a dude that fits that profile walking around, you ask them for the time, and they stop walking, face you, and wait for more conversation, they are interested. If they quickly respond and continue walking, then they are not.

2. The gay underground: self-accepting gay people unite in solidarity and introduce other gay people to each other. This is done without explicitly telling either of them they're gay. Rather, the coordinator says something like, "I think you guys have a lot in common and will get along well. You should spend some time together."

3. Act gay/flamboyant while at the same time openly denying it. This creates a visible record in your neighborhood and amongst your social network that you are not gay should you get persecuted by the government. Yet, it's obvious that something is up with you. Basically, you're telling everyone you're gay and defending yourself from government persecution. Another gay person would see this as being a safe person. If you're ever taken to court, you'll have lots of witnesses as alibis. The government would also have infiltrated LGBT allies, so when they see this type of case, they know what's up and can manage the situation in a safe manner. The open denial is merely denial, not hate. They will claim that they are not gay, but will not promote anti-gay sentiment.

4. Your social network will hint at it. For example, one time I went to my cousin's apartment to chill. When I got there, his mother told me he went to the beach with a friend and made a little gesture to imply there was more to the story. When he came back with his friend, I was introduced to him. I know knew that his friend was gay.

You haven't figured out how to activate your Gaydar yet?

I'm joking, because that's what I do, but seriously, I am very sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. Be safe, and good luck.

CAREFULLY

There are often cafes, bars and spots which people frequent. For example in Tehran it's a relatively open secret that a park near a metro station is a spot to meet guys.

I've heard that in the US, there used to be (maybe still are) therapy and "gay anonymous" groups created to help gay people become straight or resist their gay impulses. Those groups invariably turned into gay dating services. So the best way to meet other gay folks might be to go to one of those groups.

Start with the internet, maybe meet irl

@HelixDab2@lemm.ee I don't see your reply from my instance for some reason so I'll reply this way.

Try to get asylum in a less awful country.

Easier said than done unfortunately.

BTW, just want to point out that the implicit assumption here is that OP is queer, and wants to fund a support group. But it’s also possible that OP is homophobic, and wants to find queer people in order to publicly out them.

This is a fair concern although I doubt bigots would ask here instead of e.g. Reddit.

go to a yarn store.

Lindsey, just come out of the closet, we all know.

Join the Catholic Church