this maintenance guy who usually eats the vegan stuff and gives me precious compliments and praise asked what I put on the plaintains and I was like "cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar, roasted them and then drizzled a coconut syrup glaze on top" and then asked if he'd tried them and he was like "no, I was about to but I heard some of the kids talking about them"

and I'm like "oh what were they saying, anything good?" and he like, looked away, distant for a second, before being like "No." and I'm really wondering if these college kids were like haahahaha it looks like cum

thoughts?

all 29 comments

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[–] 7bicycles@hexbear.net 26 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm gonna level with you here: yeah.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

yea

[–] 7bicycles@hexbear.net 20 points 2 days ago

don't get me wrong if sweet stuff was up my alley I'd wolf this shit down until I looked like I've been on the receiving end of a bukakke

But also if you're a maintenance worker getting influenced by 19 year olds as per free food choices your problem is somewhere between toxic masculinity and pornbrain, not Leeroy Jenkins offering you homemade plaintains. That's a them problem

[–] SwitchyandWitchy@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I would wolf it down, it sounds delicious. And there's no such thing as looking too cummy but yeah, it does look like cum.

[–] abc@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

yes

[–] Spongebobsquarejuche@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Your food makes me uncomfortable about my masculinity.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

definitely don't let it do that! it should have no affect except on your hunger

[–] miz@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago

they didn't until you mentioned jizz

[–] bigpharmasutra@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I mean if you're putting these out at a house sex party I think they strike the proper vibe.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago

Oh y-yeah, one of those parties, which i'm popular enough go be invited to 😒

[–] Spongebobsquarejuche@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

What IS too jizzy? Is it even a thing?(only once all friction is lost)

[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah it looks like cum, but using my adult brain I can know it's logically not cum. So I would definitely eat the plantains and enjoy them.

[–] Breath_Of_The_Snake@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

That doesn’t look phallic in the slightest, but if somebody thinks cinnamon rolls look too glazed they’ll probably also draw issue.

That being said it’s pure porn brain to look at a cinnamon roll or those delish looking plantains and go “oh, that is cum”. I don’t even like sweet as a flavor and those seem tasty.

[–] indorri@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

Gonna ignore the main question in favour of doing some vapid gatekeeping. You either a) fry/boil the plantain and have them as is a side dish with your main meal or b) make tarts out of them. I don't know what this is.

(I'm sure it was quite good, but I am going to be reactionary about just this one thing).

[–] Robert_Kennedy_Jr@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

Might be the combination of plantains with the glaze that makes it too hard for them to ignore.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

if you're wondering why i made them sweet and garnished them with cilantro like i don't know man i thought it needed some green

[–] buttwater@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Mint

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

aw yeah i didn't think about that

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The brown ones kinda look like poops

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

i agree but the darker colored ones weren't my fault, another cook made plantains for breakfast and was like "here you go I have a half pan of leftovers" and the sous chef was like "yeah use those first" so I had to mix them in with a sheet pan of other plantains that I roasted when I wanted to just throw them away kitty-birthday-sad

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

delicious jizzy turds

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

knight-nod

[–] Blep@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I mean i dont normally do all that with my plantains, usually a quick fry, maybe 2 is enough

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago

Apparently the other cooks think frying the plantains is "bad for the oil" like they develop all these weird superstitions about what to fry/not fry in the deep fryer. I think they literally think the bit of soy sauce that comes off my 6-8Ib of marinated tofu when i fry fucks up the oil to a noticeable degree, which is absolute bullshit. They're frying literally hundreds of pounds of breaded chicken and seasoned potato products and I fucking guarantee all the rendered schmaltz and breading burning and shit contributes more to the oil degrading than my shit ever could especially when they leave crumbs and shit in there carbonizing for an entire shift

(Nobody needs to tell me it isn't exactly vegan to use the same deep fryer, i know, shhhh just don't think about it)

[–] ElChapoDeChapo@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Personally I prefer fried plantains without any extra sugar because they're sweet enough already

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago

idk I don't think the plantains we get are particularly sweet, I usually go more savory notes i.e. cumin/garlic/some brown sugar

i did the coconut glaze because I made this glaze for some pineapple fritters I made as a test batch to see if pineapple fritters are good (THEY ARE) and I didn't want it to go to waste

i think the real reason they didn't eat that many is because there's a disconnect between vegan meal planning (where the sous chef and I sit down) and breakfast/lunch planning (idfk the involvement of the other cooks in that) and nobody thought to ask "hey is the vegan station running plantains today" and they served them for breakfast (then made me serve the leftovers that were caramelized to hell from sitting in the warmer all morning) but I can't help but think that when that maintenance guy looked away for a second it was because the college kids were like "yeah looks like cum" but maybe I'm paranoid

[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What sugar glazed dish doesn't look like semen by that logic?

Either you own up to it (like you would with any glazed donut) or you don't (fall to the pressure I guess).

Anyways, imho, regardless if I knew semen, I'd take a serving or two and judge it by merit of taste and texture.

[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago

I don't care about the pressure im just wondering what these kids were saying if it wasn't nice and im assuming it was "lol it looks like cum" but idk i guess I shoulda asked the maintenance guy what he meant when i asked if they were saying good stuff and he said no lol