this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2025
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[–] daannii@lemmy.world 33 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

Women are avoiding men. For all sorts of reasons that I think most of you are aware of. It's a huge turn off to be with someone who thing you are lower than them. Who thinks you don't deserve basic human rights.

It's a huge mood killer.

Women also are feeling like they have the ability to refuse when before they didn't.

Women are also scared of pregnancy in a way they haven't been since the fecking 1900s.

Because now, you get pregnant. A doctor will let you die before they will provide medical care if that medical care has any chance of harming a fetus. Even if the fetus is dead.

Women are dying from pregnancy. Women are no longer able to terminate an early pregnancy safely.

Women are scared.

*I realize not every sex encounter is a man and woman. But most of the population is hetero.

[–] veni_vedi_veni@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

It’s a huge turn off to be with someone who thing you are lower than them. Who thinks you don’t deserve basic human rights.

Are you basing this on dating app matches? It might be a case of survivor bias

To elaborate, what's possibly happening is that only the assholes of society are the ones having a disproportionate level of exposure/influence on these apps because the good ones cycle out of it quickly enough when they find their viable partners. And then these assholes, who in fact represent a minority of the actual population, end up staining everyone else's opinions by making them think these people are the majority of peoples' behaviours.

[–] Ibuthyr@feddit.org 2 points 1 day ago

I don't know... While this certainly has made a comeback in the last couple of years (thanks to rise of fucking Nazi shits all over the world), there has been a positive development.

I actually believe it has more to do with the ever increasing "efficiency" at work and addictive media (YouTube, social media, Netflix, etc.). People just don't have time for sex anymore, because there are quicker ways to get your dopamine fixed. This is also why people don't go out and socialize anymore. Social media is actually very antisocial.

[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It’s a huge turn off to be with someone who thing you are lower than them. Who thinks you don’t deserve basic human rights.

While I don't disagree with this theory, I wonder why you would think that this is a recent development.

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The awareness is relatively recent. "The woman place is in the kitchen" is not an old thing.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Perhaps there is a comfort in expressing these beliefs now when before there was not?

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

That is what I thought I said, yes.

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 9 points 3 days ago

Can I also add in stress and other environmental factors?

[–] Surp@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

There's a considerable uptick just before 2010, so WoW players must've been having lots of sex during WotLK years

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[–] downhomechunk@midwest.social 10 points 2 days ago

My wife and I go through hot & cold spells. I think we have similar drives, but our timing doesn't always match up. I'm more of a "harness the power of the morning wood" sort of fellow. She's more of a "I want it right now but he's still at work" sort of gal. We both talk a big game, but work, childcare and adulting conspire against us.

[–] nectar45@lemmy.zip 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

People are just not very attractive nowadays

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 days ago

I blame the GenZ broccoli haircut.

[–] YourMomsTrashman@lemmy.world 84 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Should I invest in sex now that it's low?

[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yes. Put it all on options.

[–] drath@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I'ma short that shit to the ground

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[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 14 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Nah its going to rock bottom

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago

Not if I have any say in the matter!

...yeah, it's going to rock bottom.

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[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 18 points 2 days ago

Lack of genuine idle time breeds ... non-breeding.

[–] BearGun@ttrpg.network 10 points 2 days ago

Gotta have both a partner and time to have sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] LoafedBurrito@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Probably depression, online dating ruining the entire dating world, and the economy sucking.

I remember growing up, you could go to a bar with friends, meet some people and there was always someone hooking up quickly. Or you grabbed a phone number and you were good for later.

Now it's more "are you 6 foot tall?" "do you make six figures?" "what's your snap or insta?" "are you a racist nazi that will murder me in my sleep?"

Then they can always say, ehhh, your not attractive enough for me, i'll go on tinder and DM one of the 60 guys waiting for me. BYEEEEEEEE

[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

I'd say a larger part of the population being aware that they can reject "unsolicited requests" is a part of it.

Also, it requires meeting people to some extent. That sounds boring.

[–] callouscomic@lemmy.zip 30 points 3 days ago (1 children)
  1. People are more willing to be honest now.
  2. How much of that sex in the past had the same amount of consent?
[–] AlpacaChariot@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] cley_faye@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You think 1990 where a time of full consent and awareness about other sensitivities? Oh boy.

[–] AlpacaChariot@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Things were definitely different to today, but I think the factors you listed are not enough to explain the massive decline in that graph.

Things like economic insecurity, cost of housing, increasing isolation / changes in living circumstances, and medication are all likely to be significant factors in my opinion.

[–] WoodScientist@lemmy.world 76 points 3 days ago

Many animals breed less in captivity. Many do not breed at all. The less people feel a sense of control over their own lives, the weaker the desire to procreate becomes. Even if people use birth control, sex drive is still ultimately a reproductive urge. If you're a farmer in the 19th century ? You have a great deal of freedom and independence. Mid 20th century American worker? Homes are cheap. Jobs are abundant. Labor rights are strong. You have lots of options on how to earn a living. You have a clear path to getting a home and raising a family on your own terms. Present-day 20 something? You don't just have roommates in an apartment; you're actually sharing bedrooms. Or you're stuck living under your parents' roof forever, your only hope of home ownership being them passing it on to you. All the jobs available to you don't come close to providing any kind of independent living, let alone the wages to actually buy a home, start a family, etc. You're just going to have to run on the wage slave treadmill til you die.

The economy has developed to squeeze ever more out of workers and consumers. We're psychologically manipulated at every turn. Every business feels like a scam trying to pull one over on you. You can't even sign up for a gym membership without risking getting caught in dark business practices (their infamous cancellation policies.) People feel and are trapped in a system that they have little to no control over. Politicians only listen to the wealthy. Unions provided some voice to the voiceless for some time, but those have been gutted. People feel like cornered animals. They feel as though the entire system is just on elaborate exercise in thinly veiled slavery meant to extract every last once of the work product of your entire life from you. The wealthy pay you a pittance for your labor and then take all that pittance back in usurious rents. People feel trapped.

Lots of animals refuse to reproduce in captivity. Lots of animals reduce their birth rates under captivity. Why should humans be any different? Why should we be any different than the mice of Universe 25?

[–] plyth@feddit.org 3 points 2 days ago

It could be the aging population. If 100% of people 20-40 have sex and 0% of 40-60 then that's 50% if both groups are equally strong.

Now if it's 1/3 and 2/3 then it's only 33%.

[–] alekwithak@lemmy.world 100 points 4 days ago (1 children)

People are stretched as thin as can be and stressed beyond belief. Then during their free time they are inundated by algorithms that are made to keep them scrolling and to feel as many negative emotions as possible. Then their food is full of hormones and their food wrappers and cosmetics and toiletries are all full of phthalates and microplastics and undisclosed hormone disrupting chemicals. All in a progressively protestant society that increasingly isolates us from one another and shames us for our natural urges and feelings and bodies, all in the name of selling us unnatural solutions for these "problems."

It's a mystery though.

[–] mienshao@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago

It’s not a mystery, it’s social media. This isn’t fucking hard folks.

Also, this study is by a conservative think tank and is biased as hell. They’re trying to force kids to marry young to have a bunch of children for “god’s army.” These “data” showing declining sex rates gives these conservatives fuel for their crusade. This is all also closely linked to the great replacement theory. None of this information should be taken at face value.

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 27 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I have a really high sex drive and I've never been in a relationship where I consistently got it often enough to be satisfied so I stopped trying. It also doesn't help that my living situation is not conducive to bringing people home with me.

[–] Ibaudia@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I've also never been in a relationship that totally satisfied my sex drive, so I feel this a lot. My fiance used to be very sexual like me, but then she went on antidepressants and that was kinda killed. Now, she's off then again, but her sex drive never rebounded, even though she thinks I'm more attractive now that I've been working out and gained muscle. Just sad to be jerking off in the office or bathroom every day instead of being intimate with someone you love because they don't want to have sex with you 🫤

I don't blame her or anything, it just hurts my soul a bit. Her sex drive is so low now that I feel guilty and anxious even asking, because I know she'll either reject it outright or just tolerate it if she really wants to make me happy that day, which kills it for me.

I'd say we only really have sex where we're both equally enjoying it maybe once every few weeks to once a month. If her drive were the same as mine, that would be once or twice a day. Just a shitty situation for me.

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[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 16 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Spousal Rape Laws started getting enforced finally.

[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

An ex once who told me that she had a rape fetish, was totally into it. I was against it but since she was longing for it so badly I told her "I‘ll do it during week 18 but I won’t tell you when" and she was excited.

Long story short: she enjoyed it while it lasted but cried afterwards because I was too harsh.

Years later I ran into her husband and it turned out that she has BPD.

I am very lucky to have had a written contract back then.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I think generally you'd want to start smaller when trying any CNC stuff. But hey, a lot of kinks exist only in our minds but aren't something people want to try, and sometimes we find out the hard way. I hope you two have each other the aftercare needed to move past that.

[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Of course we did! CNC without aftercare is unacceptable

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[–] malware@lemmy.zip 65 points 4 days ago (6 children)

No idea. I can just say that at least for me it wasn't voluntary. 17 through 21 tried dating some people, only one agreed and then made fun of me publically and sent me photos of fucking other dudes. Since then I got depressed really hard and gained a lot of weight and lost a lot of hair, still trying my best to recover and lose weight. I somehow missed that one girl in college that gave me signs that she likes me, and it made me even more depressed, thinking that I lost my only hope. Idk why I wrote this, sorry if you read it, just had something stuck in my throat and needed to type it out.

[–] ShellMonkey@lemmy.socdojo.com 34 points 4 days ago (1 children)

It happens, the 'did I miss a cue' can be brutal if it keeps replaying. Only real answer I know is being content with your own self and if someone also happens to fall into that same space all the better. People get so inundated with images of what's 'possible' which a good chunk of it's enhanced with selective posting and filters, so we get some unrealistic view of what a normal happy life is supposed to be.

As for the sending pics, shitty people aren't worth the brain space to stress over, you dodged a bullet there.

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[–] Mickey7@lemmy.world 17 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (8 children)

https://www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/antidepressant-sexual-side-effects#side-effects-in-women

The best answer is how anti depressants which at least 20% of those in the USA take ---- depresses the sex drive for both males and females.

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[–] WalnutLum@lemmy.ml 39 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

I imagine it's a continuation of the isolation that social media causes.

edit: looked into this a little more and found This medium article. saying there wasn't much change in the rate of sex weekly for adults in the 90s, and not until the early 2000s when OECD countries started seeing a reduction.

Not sure what to trust but Family Studies is a conservative think-tank so I don't necessarily trust their data either.

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[–] realitista@piefed.world 31 points 4 days ago

Poverty, depression, gooning to porn.. Must I go on?

[–] joel_feila@lemmy.world 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Not enough foreskin in America

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