this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2025
508 points (97.0% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

30239 readers
3673 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Ichmaldas@feddit.org 81 points 4 days ago (3 children)
[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Shitty water colors younger cousin

[–] Enkrod@feddit.org 12 points 4 days ago

Die Welt braucht mehr von dir 🤩

[–] SomGye@dormi.zone 10 points 4 days ago

I love this 👌

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 50 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] BearGun@ttrpg.network 9 points 3 days ago

That's a kingly gift right there, gotta be expensive af

[–] jade52@lemmy.ca 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I hope they ended up getting married.

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 5 points 3 days ago

I heard they had a cheesy wedding

[–] Geodad@lemm.ee 4 points 2 days ago

I'm not a woman, but that will work on me.

[–] Tungsten5@lemm.ee 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Duley noted. This may work better than my method of crying and begging for affection. So far, zero percent success rate

Maybe you need to cry even harder?

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 29 points 4 days ago

You may fascinate online audiences by showing them the same pic of cheese quote 9 billion times per week.

[–] ragebutt@lemmy.dbzer0.com 33 points 4 days ago

thank god you circled it, I wasn’t sure what was being pointed at

[–] TheProtagonist@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Fun fact: I almost lost a GF once, due to a lack of cheese (in my refrigerator).

[–] shani66@ani.social 26 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

What kind of cheese? That changes the outcome for me significantly.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 23 points 4 days ago (2 children)

A piece of brie get you a one night stand, a slice of gouda gets you a date. Grated parmesan gets you a hand job. A steady supply of varied cheeses spread out over multiple months will get you a wife.

Of course every woman is different, but in general the age and quality of the cheese determines what you'll receive in exchange.

And in case you're wondering, a kraft single gets you a slap in the face.

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Source: experimental investigation.

[–] CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

This really deserves at least 3/4 the amount of upvotes as the one it's responding to

[–] SamB@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Let’s talk about some aged goat cheese directly from Tuscany.

[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 18 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Are these in order? So stealing her shoe and a hairpin with hair in it, and then when she confronts you offer the cheese as a diversion?

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You have found the new movie plot that Hallmark has been looking for.

[–] pennomi@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

I was thinking it would be one of those mangas with really really long names:

“I Cast 99 Spells to Make Her Love Me, But the Only Thing That Worked Was Cheese!”

[–] RidderSport@feddit.org 10 points 4 days ago
[–] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago

You may fascinate just about anyone by giving them a piece of cheese.

[–] lath@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago (2 children)

So you're saying there's a chance anyone fascinated with a piece of cheese might be a woman?

[–] alcoholicorn@lemmy.ml 9 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Lets test that: 🧀

Are you a woman now?

[–] lena@gregtech.eu 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Who needs estrogen when you have c h e e s e

[–] FauxLiving@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

Por que no los dos

[–] shani66@ani.social 4 points 4 days ago
[–] WereCat@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

You've got it all wrong. Any woman with fascination might be a cheese.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Muaddib@sopuli.xyz 7 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] noxypaws@pawb.social 2 points 2 days ago

Grandad, you can't tame the white supremacist power structure with cheese

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Do non-white people not love it?

[–] gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)

On average non-whites are like 60-90% lactose intolerant

My pasty-ass ancestors are the dipshits who figured out sucking cow titty can work, most of the rest of humanity didn't try it and never developed the genes needed for it as a result

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

There's very little lactose in most cheese.

[–] Muaddib@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

They do. But you give the meanest white man a piece of cheese, he turns into Mr Rogers

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 7 points 4 days ago (2 children)

This spell has mixed results with my fiance; she LOVES cheese but is horribly allergic to it. Not life-threatening, but painfully bad.

[–] notabot@lemm.ee 12 points 4 days ago

According to the book, there's no need for them to eat it, you just have to give it to them, although I think they may have mixed up 'fascinate' and 'confuse'.

[–] Fisch@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Is she allergic to it because of the lactose? We can already make vegan cheese that's the exact same as real cheese (literally, I don't mean it just tastes the same) except that it doesn't contain lactose. There's a company in Europe that's ready to mass produce it but the EU is taking their time with giving them the permit to sell it. I don't know how the situation is where you live.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Whelks_chance@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I love the ambiguity of what you're supposed to throw in the river

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] sirimeow@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

Cheese is good

[–] HKPiax@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

Cheese nuts

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Fascinate in the sense that she’ll spend the next five minutes confused as to why you gave her cheese.

[–] toxoplasma0gondii@feddit.org 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Might be the wrong kind then.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

My cheese wasn’t Gouda ‘nough?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] JudahBenHur@lemm.ee 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

i had this book when I was an edgy teenager in my middle class bedroom rubbing olive oil on taper candles from the grocery store and.. wait this is sounding like something different entirely

load more comments (2 replies)

I love that the one about hurling hair accessories at moving bodies of water has a footnote and that there's already been 12 other such clarifications in this treatise 😄

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›