checkmate Christians 
Not accounting for the naughty kids who flipped a light switch on the Sabbath. Probably Santa would have to visit about 3 homes in total, which is why most adults don't believe in Santa.
this post was submitted on 25 Dec 2024
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chapotraphouse
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Isn't it kind of fucked up to teach your kids about Santa. Like you're basically telling them that family didn't do much gifting for them it was all Santa. Its better for the kid to know you love them and thought about them rather than lie to them and subvert your relationship
Anyways I'm going to the local mall to debate a phony Santa 
Teaching your children about Santa is good because it makes them learn that figures of authority lie just for the hell of it and they should never be trusted
I do think about that a lot, and how not receiving gifts is explained as a consequence for bad behavior. As a kid, if you notice all the poor kids aren't getting gifts, isn't the obvious implication that they're all naughty?
Santa is just another part of the American Civic Religion that reinforces prosperity gospel. The rich children are rewarded by gifts from Santa while the poor are punished by being ignored.
Naughty kids get clean-burning coal, the backbone of our Nation's energy supply. If the poor kids would just save up their coal and start a Koch competitor, they wouldn't be poor.
new Ed Edd n Eddy episode idea just dropped
As a postal worker im also kinda annoyed with Santa. Mfer I busted my ass all month delivering presents and even the elves get more credit than me
I stand for the troops and salute the flag 
if you're gonna lie to your kids, lie about fun shit Calvin's dad would say.
My kid is 4 and Santa is hitting hard this year even though we don't play up the Santa stuff. The level of pervasiveness of Santa in American culture is huge. What I've started saying to her is: "did you know that anyone can be Santa? Sometimes mom is Santa, sometimes Dad is Santa, or grandma and grampa, and one day you'll get to be Santa too."
She gets all her ideas about Santa from media and other people. It feels almost impossible to avoid.
I figured out santa was fake when I was 5 and the toys said made in China
Current parenting best practice is to have Santa bring one gift that's not the ~~penultimate~~ best gift of the day. Helps prevent kids from realizing too early that Santa tends to favor the rich kids.
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What Mr. Tyson doesn't understand is that there are four simultaneous 24-hour days in a single earth rotation
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please god make neil delete his twitter and shut the fuck up forever i'll never ask for anything again
Ngl I do like doing the “if this obviously fake thing were real what would that take” but Neil is still annoying as hell
I think ots important for there go be people from the scientific community who act in the role of "popularizers of science." Its good to have liasons to speak to a general audience and make people aware and excited about what they do and discover.
But damn if this guy isn't the most insifferable prick about it
The “I heckin love sciencerino” crowd has a lot to answer for
They're literally the opposite of what the point of popularizing science is supposed to be
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I don't really hold this against him, tbh. It might sound insufferable but also is a nice piece of trivia. Maybe because I'm autistic I tend to sympathize with people who write tone-deaf and completely pointless infodumps
I don't hate him because he's annoying, I hate him because he is (allegedly) a sexual assaulter
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This is also exactly the kind of thing every kid gets into after they find out Santa isn’t real, they go through an ex-Santa believer nu-grinch phase where they need to find facts to process their new reality.
People leaving religions go through the same process of militant atheism because they have to dispel the lingering doubt in themselves
Realizing Santa wasn't real at 4 years old was the beginning of my radicalization. After that I believed nothing without looking it up first, which of course led me to communism. Idk how all these other contrarian fucks ended up libs
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It's literally no issue, Santa can just stop time. Haven't you heard of his stand? He has "The World". It can stop time. Santa is all-powerful. He can stop it for as long as he wants. Checkmate.
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Santa is a very powerful wizard. Possibly the last wizard on earth. Next question
There is a good series on tiktok about how santa is an eldritch horror. It is much more fun. He killed the other wizards and stole their magic.
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In case you were wondering, for Santa to pass through every chimney of the houses of all those who celebrate Christmas, he must be no wider than 25 cm. However, not every house has a chimney—and technically, breaking and entering via a chimney is a crime. If Santa were caught, he might end up in jail!
AITA because I shot Santa while he was entering my house via the chimney??
ELI5 how big is Santas sack?
I shot Santa while he was entering my house via the chimney
That sounds like a comedy premise. Santa gets shot by a paranoid homeowner and someone has to save Christmas.
I think that's the plot to "The Santa Claus" with Tim Allen. Basically a guy catches Santa on his roof, startles Santa, and Santa slips, falls, and dies. Apparently being Santa is some kind of memetic curse, because Tim Allen is now turning into Santa against his will, experiencing all kinds of body horror as he grows a big beard, his hair turns white, and he gains stupid amounts of weight.
Dark and gritty Santa Clause reboot where Santa says "fuck"
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Santa uses the multiverse and quantum mechanics to do it. That's what he told me.
I hate Elon Musk for a lot more reasons than NDT but for those reasons where my hatred of them overlaps I hate them equally
Santa has developed a Uber-like app to outsource delivery work to the exploited elfs
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so? he's just really good at his job
Thank god for epic reddit science man to explain this mystery 
Santa is confirmed as an Omega level mutant with reality warping powers so thats easy for him
based. haters gonna hate
Expanding the definition of night to some 36 hours to improve the lore is a pretty good bit. Like, he is racing the international date line so he gets one hour of night for each time zone and about 10 hours he could spend in each zone to play around with does cut down the time pressure a little bit.
and he will visit them, as santa is an eldrich horror beyond our comprehension and our belief keeps him banevolent
If Santa Claus was real, he would not survive the yankee reich. This would be mitigated by no USAmericans being on the good list
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