this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2024
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[–] Delphia@lemmy.world 122 points 5 days ago (7 children)

Just remember folks, someone being fat is not a reason to hate them. Theres literally nothing else about him thats a redeeming quality, his being a lardass is the least deplorable thing about him. The fact that he must just shovel empty calories into his maw all day atleast limits the stupid shit coming out of it.

[–] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 31 points 5 days ago (2 children)

It's not that it's deplorable, it's that it's comical given the context of him making a career being a self-deluded unconvincing badass.

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[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 27 points 5 days ago (2 children)

For him it's not the fact that he's fat, but the absolute tragedy of a personality that excuses themselves shoveling food into his gullet. Cause you just know that in his own head he thinks he could still kick anyone's ass.

Most people aren't fat for that reason and being fat isn't a reason to make fun. But Steven Segal's pathology makes him being fat a little funny.

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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 14 points 5 days ago

Him being fat is the only relatable thing about him.

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[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 168 points 5 days ago (8 children)

My favorite Steven Seagal story, from his Wikipedia page:

Seagal has been accused by former stunt performers who have worked with him, including Kane Hodder, Stephen Quadros, and Gene LeBell, of intentionally hitting stuntmen during scenes. Additionally, while serving as stunt coordinator for Out for Justice, LeBell allegedly got into an on-set altercation with Seagal over his mistreatment of some of the film's stunt performers. After the actor claimed that, due to his aikido training, he was "immune" to being choked unconscious, LeBell offered Seagal the opportunity to prove it. LeBell is said to have placed his arms around Seagal's neck, and once Seagal said "go", proceeded to choke him unconscious, with Seagal losing control of his bowels. Seagal bodyguard and stuntman Steven Lambert stated he was present and said that a confrontation did happen, during which Seagal elbowed LeBell before he could lock the hold on Seagal, after which LeBell flipped Seagal.

[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 75 points 5 days ago (4 children)

A movie producer I worked with in my time in the industry had done a movie with Segal in which Segal was to shoot a gun. Segal said he would only use a very specifically modified AR15. The production purchased the AR with all of the upgrades Segal requested. Segal fired it one time, said it was too loud and had too much kickback and he wanted to use a prop instead.

[–] CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world 57 points 5 days ago (34 children)

He said an AR-15 had too much recoil? Is he made of tissue paper, or did they mod it to fire artillery shells? Christ, one of the demos they did for us at our first live fire in basic training was having one of our fellow soldiers hold an M-16 stock UP TO HIS NUTS and fire it downrange to show just how little recoil they had. I'm not kidding, I personally witnessed this. I have also put at least 20,000 rounds through M-16's and AR-15's in my life. They don't kick. Seagal is a pussy.

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[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 34 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Lol imagine thinking that aikido training means your brain doesn't need oxygen.

Well, I would have guessed that less brain needs less oxygen, but I'm clearly wrong.

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 39 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I'm just using your story as an excuse to promote Bobby Fingers. Check out a diorama on the confrontation.

https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs

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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 26 points 5 days ago (3 children)

It's truly a gem of a story. I can only hope Seagal thinks of it frequently, and has yet to accept himself and heal.

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 43 points 5 days ago (2 children)

On the other hand, when Seagal was asked about the incident, he directly denied the allegations, calling LeBell a "sick, pathological scumbag liar", and offered the name of a witness who could prove LeBell had fabricated the entire story. The claim garnered a heated response from LeBell's trainee Ronda Rousey, who said that Seagal was the one lying, and declared "If [Seagal] says anything bad about Gene to my face, I'd make him crap his pants a second time."

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[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 18 points 5 days ago

Lost a scuffle to avoid getting choked, gets choked anyway. Shit self in the process. Classic Seagal.

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[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 29 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I'd say that chair is Under Seige.

[–] Narauko@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

Lemmying in the bathroom as one does, and you caused me to drop another Seagal by trying to hold my laugh in. I salute you.

[–] MiDaBa@lemmy.ml 5 points 3 days ago

Under Seige? It's practically Marked for Death.

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[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 160 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Good to know that I, too, have the body of an action movie star.

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 21 points 5 days ago

"Star," like that chair, is doing a lot of heavy lifting here

[–] itsonlygeorge@reddthat.com 42 points 5 days ago

Gravy Seal.

[–] 13esq@lemmy.world 73 points 5 days ago (1 children)

People these days just don't appreciate a strong and healthy frame when they see one.

You may not like it, but this is what peak male performance looks like.

[–] Norodix@lemmy.world 112 points 5 days ago (1 children)

People these days just don’t appreciate a strong and healthy frame when they see one.

You may not like it, but this is what peak chair performance looks like.

[–] dditty@lemm.ee 22 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Lmao that chair is hanging on for dear life 😂

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[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago

that's one sturdy chair. look at the destruction around him. Jesus Christ Almighty, he sat down and did all that?

[–] OR3X@lemm.ee 18 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Lemmy: Torn between making fun of Segal for being fat and not being fatphobic. 😂

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 9 points 4 days ago

There's plenty of other things about Seagal to make fun of. Tom Segura has a whole bit about it.

[–] thebigslime@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

It's less that he's fat, but more that he presents himself as some kind of martial arts grandmaster, all around tough guy, deputized law enforcement officer, warmaster because he was in action movies but now he's fat.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 60 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (10 children)

This is my sign that I should get on my rowing machine

Update: I did 20 minutes of moderate exercise today!

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[–] DicJacobus@lemmy.world 12 points 4 days ago

I'd have an easier time laughing at his sad state if I wasn't already mad that the guy is objectively a traitor and a goon of Vladimir Putin.

[–] Curiousfur@lemmy.world 56 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I'm surprised the NKs haven't cannibalized him out of desperation yet

[–] Tyfud@lemmy.world 27 points 5 days ago (2 children)

They tried, but he Akidoed them all to death by using their own energy against them and eating them first.

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[–] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago (4 children)

That looks like a badly AI generated image of Steven Seagal that Steven Seagal would use as his profile picture on social media as a bit.

If he isn't so full of himself.

[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 15 points 4 days ago (2 children)

As you can see he is certainly full of something

[–] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 13 points 4 days ago

Not acting skill, that's for sure.

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[–] Maven@lemmy.zip 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Oh wow! Welcome back! I've been wondering where you went!

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[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 20 points 5 days ago

He's a piece of shit in the inside, too.

[–] polysics@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago
[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 20 points 5 days ago

Oh how the turntables

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 35 points 5 days ago

He looks like that old fat fuck that washes up at a camping trip who everyone knows and no one wanted them there.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

He looks like the guy that only appears in the final picture of a married woman's tinder profile

[–] anubis119@lemmy.world 29 points 5 days ago (5 children)
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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 25 points 5 days ago

The Ruskies are getting him ready for Xmas.

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 25 points 5 days ago (5 children)

to be morbidly obese at 72 doesnt typically end well.

[–] shoulderoforion@fedia.io 33 points 5 days ago (1 children)

none of us will end well. 72 is a great run. so many who don't even get that far. nobody gets out of this thing alive.

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