bradorsomething

(Key West, Florida) As the trump administration enters its fourth month of rule, some pundits question how much further “off the rails” the president can go. But those same pundits, as well as state residents, reacted with alarm as trump requested a ruling Saturday whether a sitting president could nuke a US state, namely Florida.

“We all know I told them,” rambled the president at a rally,” I told them. I told them. The nuclear…. You can’t just let that pass. You can’t… the nuclear is a serious option, a very serious option, and really this is all a formality. One button, boom. Boom. One button. Those alligators will feel it, I’ll tell you this folks.”

Trumps apparent desire to nuke his home state is drawing mixed reactions from republican leadership, many of whom see it as a strong message to america’s enemies. “It takes a strong man to fight, but only the strongest man can punch himself,” said Leon Sturbgetter, a cow de-tangler in rural Kansas. “You think China won’t be scared of us, if we’re so ready to drop a bomb we’ll drop it on our wang?”

“He probably means how Florida looks phallic on a map,” said an analyst at the Institute for War Studies who asked to remain anonymous. “Oh, what precedent for dropping a nuke on our own country? I don’t know… maybe like a symbolic suicide? Look I’m an analyst for global studies, I can make as little out of this as I can a homeless man wandering down a median. I mean, at least the guy on the median I can give $5 and hope it might make things better.”

All eyes now turn to the Supreme Court, who will return from an all-expense-paid vacation in Tahiti next week.

(Washington, DC) As the current administration enters month three, an alarming trend of repetition using the words “outlandish, inane, or stupid” has swept through American journalism. Even satirical articles face an alarming trend of repetition using the words “outlandish, inane, or stupid.”

“It’s clear American media has run out of words to describe the policies of the trump presidency,” reports BBC in today’s news. “While everything coming out is alarming, or stupid, you can’t just say those words over and over… people tune out. It’s like trying to talk to fish about water.”

This conundrum has led some journalists to consult lexicons for more superfluous verbiage. But the use of synonyms has been found to drive off American readers, who often read at a middle school level.

“I ain’t never seen a lexicon,” said Leon Sturbgetter, a cow detangler from rural Oklahoma, “although I do remember it’s Saint Patrick’s Day.”

(Washington DC) As the government continues to purge employees, one bright spot is appearing in the forming picture; Americans are re-filing their taxes with an additional 65 million dependents added to 2024 tax returns. The IRS, having laid off 6,700 employees, says they “are struggling” to keep up with the changes, as people across the country are amending or adjusting their initial tax filing, adding children, spouses, friends, relatives, plants, and even their favorite inanimate objects as dependents to their tax forms.

Leon Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in Wibson, Missouri, is delighted by the new freedoms afforded by a weakened IRS. “Bessie is a special heifer… she deserves a deduction. In fact, every cow in this herd behind me is on my return now. I don’t even own them.”

Sturbgetter is not the only American taking advantage. Some former IRS employees are uniting to attempt to mutually claim all 6,699 fellow colleagues as dependents. When asked if this is legal, one former employee stated “I guess I’ll have to audit me if it’s not… looks good!” He laughed.

Not everyone is laughing, however. One republican senator, who asked not to be named, stated that he is concerned with fiscal responsibility, unless the president said not to be. “We need to cut programs until we have a balanced budget, and our projected $7 tax revenue will not go far. The cuts may hurt everyday Americans, and I for one thank god I am not one.”

Elon Musk could not be reached for comment.

(San Francisco, CA) As the US Government is slowly collapsed in the pursuit of government efficiency, other competitors in the coin space are also reaching out to tap into this new, unexplored area of blockchain profitability. LiteCoin, a smaller, blockchain-based token that touts itself as equivalent to BitCoin or DogeCoin, has opened the “Legislative Inefficiency Termination Executive,” or LITE, as an alternative means to reduce government function under the guise of cost saving and efficiency.

Their office, based in Washington DC and opening next week, will seek to also reduce government waste and spending, while also acting like a government agency. “We plan to show up places and demand information, and then make sudden, reckless actions that create headlines, and hopefully help our coin price,” said one LiteCoin enthusiast over Skype. “We plan to innovate exactly like the larger agency, just not as well… just like in the original coin space.”

When asked how this would improve the government, the reaction was glib. “Clearly you haven’t spent much time in the coin space. The money will come - this is about innovation. We can create a replica of the leading ideas, and refine them in a space we our coins profit. This government idea is just like when NFTs were created, and we need to get in now, while there is still value.”

Economists were not as optimistic about the plan. Said one, “Look, maybe they should just give a bunch of coins to the president in a bag marked ‘bribe,’ I don’t know. My NSF funding is cut off, I haven’t had time to look into it.

“I have a large frappachino for Kara,” he added.

While LiteCoin has joined the fray, the most valuable coin, Bitcoin, does not seem to be joining in yet. And with Tiktok having limited bandwidth in America, no coin bros were able to comment by deadline.

(Washington DC) As the trump administration continues - to the cheers of republicans and the dismay of Americans - to dismantle the government bureaucracy and insult nations around the world, news has surfaced of a bright moment that should unify the nation in acceptance. Marc Fogle, an American school teacher held in russia over possession of a small amount of medical marijuana, has been held for three year in russian jails; however, direct talks between trump and russian president vladimir putin quickly led to the release of Fogle, who enjoyed a tearful embrace with his family this week. Americans on both sides, however, are not sure how to react.

“I don’t see how this hurts democrats,” said Doug Crabler, a Columbus, Ohio temporary assembly line hire. “Sure his family is happy, but what if one of them voted for Harris? Also, what did we trade for, no one is talking about that?”

“Yeah, this seems like a distraction from DOGE getting rid of them useless government employees,” said one coworker, not aware that weakened labor laws were decreasing wages at the plant. “I mean, it’s good, but it might not help us get rid of all those extra state department guys if they look good with things like this.”

Democratic voters are also torn in their response. “I’m happy for Marc and his family,” said Betty Schluster, a lifelong democratic voter. “But I don’t know how to take this. Can trump do something good? On purpose? I’m having trouble rectifying that idea in my head with everything else going on. Also, what was traded? Why is no one talking about that part?”

The trump administration, who touts the release as a good sign towards ending the war in Ukraine, claims “not much” was given in return. Betty Schluster was not impressed by that response. “Okay, that is normal trump again, refusing to say what we gave and trying the release to the war in Ukraine. I’m just trying to wrap my head around him doing something noble… there has to be a way this hurts people.”

Doug Crabler agreed: “there has to be a way this hurts people,” he said confidently.

I was thinking about crazy optimizations today and I’m surprised we don’t hear more people talk about this combo. A cleric that can cast lvl 3 spells can concentrate on spirit guardians and wild shape, and by becoming a large creature you can create a 40 ft field of fast moving justice taking the dodge action - that include spider forms, which allows ceiling walking to create the disco ball of death moving around a room out of melee reach.

I’m surprised I’ve never seen this build being abused.

I play with a group where we love to help out the DM with adventures; this is a batch of dragonoids I’m printing for our combats in a 5e Dragonlance campaign.

I print them, another player paints them, we all benefit from adding to the realism with 3D models. As a DM I love it when players help add to the realism of the game, and our DM trusts us not to push too much but to help if asked.

Just wanted to throw out this slice of gaming life in case it sparks ideas for anyone. Printing minis, building terrain, helping with play lists.. this can all help make the DM job easier and make a better game experience for everyone.

Or buy pizza. No one minds if you buy pizza.