Asklemmy

CW: self harm, addiction, SA . . . . .

Ok I'm going to tell you what not to do based on my huge errors

I was dumped by my ex of 6 years on our anniversary and she ran off with someone else. I deserved it, I was an excessive alcoholic coke dealing addict.

Now when I was dumped I knew it was well deserved given what I mentioned. And well I went on a bender, i got black out drunk constantly including blowing massive amounts of coke, real Scarface moment. And well eventually that same week, i was roofied and sexually assaulted by a white woman.

I was going to off myself after that, by driving off a cliff. but I called a suicide hotline and was referred to therapy which I'm still doing today. That was 2018. I was 27 then.

I've recovered a lot, I quit coke later that year, gave up that hustle. And today I've turned most of my life around, I quit drinking alcohol last year.

If I could do it again I would tell myself to sit and process with the emotions of that bombshell that being dumped was... Unfortunately I ran to places to numb myself more and got very hurt. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted, but it's something I had to really process, because if I had handled things better I wouldn't have gone to a bar... I would have gone straight to therapy. So if you have the means I highly recommend it. I'm 31 now, live on my own and do my best to constantly work on myself mentally, if it wasn't for therapy I would have never been aware of my ADHD diagnosis a year into the therapy sessions.

If you need advice I know what it's like to go through this stuff at our age, my DMs are open for you.

I believe in soul mates I'm a spiritual person, but each day you hang in there I promise you get stronger just don't dive into any hedonistic &/or escapist behavior. Trust me

Edit: Working out is also I started doing immediately, it helps clear the mind.

I promptly got myself inside a lady friend. And then another. And acted like it didn't hurt. Two months later I was crying myself to sleep and into a major depressive episode.

I don't know what the proper course of action should be. Just power through it and be on the lookout for depression signs. It slowly gets better but if you find yourself stuck in a hole, don't be afraid to ask for professional help.

It was the worst time of my life but hey...it's been almost 5 years and here I am breathing. My life utterly collapsed but you just build a new one.

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. There is already loads of good advice in here and I don't want to just regurgitate. I have found this video channel helpful in the past so I'll leave it here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vbIO3TpLXY

I leaned on as many friends as I could. Break ups are universally difficult and even friends you might not have seen in a while tend to have empathy and love to spare to help you get through this.

I also leaned on as much self care stuff as I could. I take long baths, sleep a lot, and take an appropriate amount of time off from work as sick time to do things.

Also, block your ex and purge his stuff from your life as fast as possible. That's usually the best option if he pulled something like he did here.

I'm sorry you're going through it. Remember to grieve and that grief isn't a linear process. You'll have good and bad days, but you can get through to the other side stronger.

Breakups will always hurt. Sometimes you can never get over a relationship fully.

As couples become as one, separating is always a life-changing experience.

All you can do is keep on moving. So long as you are able to put one foot in front of the other, you can keep moving on in a healthy way.

My ex fiancée left me two years ago. We were together for 10 years. It's difficult, if you have a friend reach out to them. Being alone was the worst thing for me.

Go for a at least 3 hour walk without distractions like podcast or phone to think everything through.

Talk to a friend about everything you're feeling. Bitch about all his worst qualities and be extra petty about it. Cry about all his good qualities that you'll miss. Watch a new show or movie or an old comforting favorite (anything that doesn't remind you of him). Have a long Lemmy scrolling session to try to take your mind off it for a while. Cry some more. Tell yourself how life is so unfair, and sometimes it sucks. Scream out loud, and get some stuff off your chest that you'd never say to his face. Cry again. Write down everything you're feeling, then keep it, or burn it (whatever feels right in the moment). Hydrate after all the crying. Don't forget to eat, and eat whatever you feel like. Try to get some sleep.

Potentially repeat some of those things the next day, and the next, but hopefully fewer and fewer as the days go by, and the feelings become less pointed.

Alcohol really does the trick in the short term, but it's a slippery slope.m that can make it oh so much worse in the long term.

I spent the rest of the day getting a new apartment, moved out, and used the night to move into my own, free space void of her. Not sure I slept, watched my favorite movies she didn’t like etc.

I only learned that she had already been seeing someone else the day after. That flipped a switch in me and all the pain went away. I knew she was the wrong choice and glad I was out of it and free.

Somehow, that she cheated made it much, much easier than that she just didn’t love me anymore. It turned into a f*ck you good riddance moment.

Her new bf even helped me moved some larger stuff a week later, I didn’t care at all, I was so done with her. Never looked back.

I don't know, and I'm sorry.

Currently going through something halfway similar, having been ghosted by the girl I was dating. Really cut up about it, and yeah, I'm in my thirties so obviously convinced I'm inherently unlovable.

In the very short term? Ask the doctor for three days supply of diazepam.

No one is worth your suffering, and if that sometimes does not seems enough then remember that no one who truely loves you deserves witnessing impotently you bursting your heart and mind out about somebody that instead does not even love you nearly enough.

Try reconnecting with the people who loves you and whom with their relationship with you naturally help to make you feel more self confident, you'll notice you're still that fine and self confinent person and that you aren't really missing anything that important, surely not important as you. Good luck and keep it up, you're awesome!

Time heals. On the bright side, you're single during your 30's! Those are the best fuckin years for living life! You're no longer a child figuring out who you are. This is you're prime baby! Take some time to mourn. Then get out there and have some fun! Don't dive into any commitments YOLO!

The next day was the day I started running, I mean, as a sport. I still did some stupid things for the next years and even recently but it was the beginning of my journey to mental health and peace of mind. Today I am at peace with myself. Just focus on the things you love. If you think you have nothing, remember what makes you laugh, what you used to enjoy, what would you like doing again. Or maybe just try finding new things. But actually try.

As I recall, I lay on the floor and screamed into a pillow until I puked. Then I cleaned up and decided he wasn't worth putting my body and mind through that sort of trauma, so I went and slashed his tires. Not sure if this helps. I honestly think numbing yourself with whatever won't kill you is a good option.

Do the things that give you inner peace, for me it was always walking in nature, and so I did every day for a year following the breakup, it really helped.

Run for president.

Cried a lot, called my mates, ingested hideous cocktail of substances, then stayed in bed for a week ordering food in and watching the entirety of game of thrones.