this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2023
387 points (96.9% liked)
Asklemmy
43945 readers
648 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I promptly got myself inside a lady friend. And then another. And acted like it didn't hurt. Two months later I was crying myself to sleep and into a major depressive episode.
I don't know what the proper course of action should be. Just power through it and be on the lookout for depression signs. It slowly gets better but if you find yourself stuck in a hole, don't be afraid to ask for professional help.
It was the worst time of my life but hey...it's been almost 5 years and here I am breathing. My life utterly collapsed but you just build a new one.
How did you manage that? I really need to do this and you know what, I'm not awful looking. But it seems impossible!
As a guy your looks aren't worth much if your confidence is shot (and it usually is after being dumped). That's one of the reasons girls toss themselves at you when you're taken but the moment you're dumped and your self-esteems plummets they vanish.
The way you talk, the way you walk, your whole posture changes. And women have a sixth sense for that.
In my case, I had a girl who had already showed interest in me before (I said no because I was taken) so it was a no brainer. After that it was a matter of not trying too hard. Don't talk a girl trying to get in her pants. Just talk to her, share interests, like you would do with a guy. When you're not trying, you're not afraid to fail and you become more confident. Be open minded. Chances are she'll start throwing signs she's interested and that's when you take her queue.
The most good-looking women I was with in that time were both women I told myself from day 1 "she's out of my league, I'll just enjoy her friendship". I was cool with myself and it just happened eventually. One broke my heart though, and the other was a psycho so...there's that XD
If you still can't do it, just try what most men have done since time immemorial. Lower your standards. It will help to regain your confidence.
Honestly have been feeling at least passively suicidal, so my confidence is about as low as it can get.