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Justifying staying alive to myself.
Not saying I'm suicidal, but I'm increasingly losing my enthusiasm for living compared to when I was a kid. Used to have all these aspirations for my life and how I'd make a difference, now I've just accepted apathetically going through the motions until I die.
I don't have a justification I just am
My mother has Alzheimer and it's costing us 15K/mo to care for her. She only has about a year of money left. She is in good physical health but mentally she is a toddler. her care costs are double my take home pay, so if her money runs out before she dies, i am screwed.
Nothing I can do about it. It's the American healthcare system. Some problems are totally outside of anyone's person control.
15k/month is a lot. Really a lot.
Have you considered the possibility of medical tourism, to say India? Any particular treatment/procedure that really requires you costly American doctors, and can't be done elsewhere?
Depression. Lots of depression. And anxiety. And probably some other stuff.
Tried tons of different treatments and nothing has really worked. Going to try therapy again on recommendation of my psychiatrist, but Iβve only had negative experiences with therapy and I still really donβt see how itβs going to fix anything.
Not my story but I want to share - in the US - the girl I've been dating for several months recently told me she has been receiving SNAP and Medicade for her disabled daughter. She left an abusive relationship several years ago and has been struggling to keep it together. This month, without SNAP, she asked me for money. I sent her what she needed and I'm sure things will be fine. For her, this is a disaster. She's emotionally tapped out and feels like she is failing her daughter. They're going to food pantries but so is every other working poor person right now. She works doing Amazon deliveries which fits with her daughters therapy schedule and allows her to work when able. Ex is out of the picture and does not help, deadbeat stuff.
I just put this out there for some perspective. Many folks are going through hell right now. I wish I had a better solution for her, or for others suffering. I feel so powerless to make any meaningful change in the world. I care for her a lot but I have no idea what to say.
My spoon is too big.
I live in a giant bucket
I find myself becoming less and less interested in staying in the industry I'm currently working in for the rest of my life. Problem is, I don't have any other qualifications. So I guess it could start working on acquiring new ones while I'm still young enough to do so, but I'd need both a clear idea on what other career I want to pursue and the motivation to leave my currently pretty comfortable position in life. I have neither.
I was in your position in 2016. Took me until 2021 to make the switch. But all that time I grew to hate my job more and more. In the end I was ready for a psychward. I was intentionally screwing up things out of spite, breaking my worktools every other shift because I threw them across the street and stuff like that.
I went back to school in 2021, but still had to keep doing my old job for the money. It was much easier to do the job with the propect of a better future, I almost started enjoying the job again. But that didn't last long. Eventually dropped the old job conpletely in 2023 and very happy to do so.
Now I'm finishing up my graduation assignment and I expect to get my bachelor in januari-ish. I'm 35 and starting my career as a software developer. It's not an easy time to start, but I've been networking and gaining valuable experiences so that I actually feel cautiously hopefull to be entering the job market right now. Also because I've been doing a related job for the past 3 years that gained me a lot of valuable experience.
TLDR: it's never to late to learn a new skill, but it's better to do it sooner than later. You don't want to stay in a job you hate and suffer the mental consequences of that.
The biggest problem is that I have a list of hundreds of smaller problems and that list keeps growing. I have them all in a text document, and it is so overwhelming I have no idea what the fuck to do about it anymore at this point, so I keep piping it into an AI and have it tell me what to do (its suggestions are shit but it's better than nothing), but the list is so long that even the AI is getting overwhelmed by it and if it gets much longer it's going to run out of context, and its costing me like $30/mo in API usage now which is another problem I need to add to the list.
A lot of people I know are struggling and I don't know how to help them.
They have vaguely asked me for help but they all have difficult problems that I can't do a whole lot about. I know its not necessarily my responsibility to fix things for them but I tend to have a 'fix things' mentality and I get stuck thinking about what I can possibly even do.
Its difficult. Society and community are so fragmented now. People don't want to ask for help. People don't want to give unsolicited help.
I've got skills and support I can offer. I'm not even asking others for anything. People don't even want to take the offer to give unconditionally. I'll give you a lift......they don't want it. I can help fix things in your house .....they don't want it. Feel free to borrow my tools.....they don't want it. I can look after your kids for a few hours and give you a break, my kids would love to play with them at our house.....they understandably feel anxious about that. No problem, come over yourself with your kids on the weekend, we'll make you lunch, get to know us......they don't want it. You're starting in the same career field that I've progressed in, I've got resources that will help.......they don't want it. I'll share my Jellyfin server.....they don't want it.
I don't get it. I just want to connect with people and help them......they don't want it.
Existential dread in a cubicle before 30. Just gotta learn to thrive in boredom or find another job.
I have low self-esteem and that's from just people been shitty to me. I could go on but I don't want to trauma dump (at least, try to prevent myself from doing it).
That being said, I'm planning to get therapy, go to more social events if I have the energy to do so and maybe next year, try get back to swimming. I stopped around when I was in lockdown in 2020 and I forgot about it since.
Finances. Coming out of a full year with paid sick leave into a job that's only half the time and ergo half the money as before (but also less money than sick leave was, had a fulltime job before). But I can't work more due to health issues. Gotta have to figure out my finances asap to prevent it to get worse. Been there done that, but this time my mental health is reclaining (solo parent while full time working since 15 years) and it feels heavier this time. But I'm gonna get over this πͺ
I am sad, poor, and stupid. i'm going to college and working an internship that pays halfway decent to fix the latter two. And for the first, well, its just like Meatloaf said: "Don't be sad, 'cause two out of three aint bad."
Young, Dumb, Young Dumb and Broke.
Dude. If you got into college you aren't dumb, and the good job may help your mood (as my husband says, money doesn't buy happiness but sure removes a lot of the stresses and lacks that cause sadness.)
My best wishes to you, and also to that weird vegan who is in a similar situation. I can't say things will get better but will say things CAN get better.
If I actually study i could pass the driving exam I have failed several times. But I just doing have motivation to do it.
I discovered this week that i might have been depressed for 7 years, dunno how i didnt notice, i just thought i was lazy as hell
When I got diagnosed it took a while to come to terms with it because I've always felt this way. It's strange having all the happiness I can remember occurring simultaneously as being clinically suicidal. Almost feels more hopeless after being diagnosed because turns out I'm just like this and that's how it's gonna be going forward.
My life is pretty much in limbo right now. I can't get a job because I don't have a bank account and I can't get a bank account because I don't have an ID and I can't get an ID because my parents wont get me one. I've been asking for a bank account ever since I graduated high school back in 2016 but they just keep telling me "We'll get you one eventually, we just don't have time right now" despite the fact that they sit around playing video games all day. What frustrates me even more, is that they let my sister get a bank account and a part time job back when she was still in high school.
Yikes, that's a long time to be stuck in what sounds like an abusive family dynamic. I'm so sorry.
I'm guessing you've looked into any possible alternative routes to an ID?
Developed a short attention span, no clue how to fix it atp.