Ask Lemmy

Cat wanted to go outside. It was raining. After seeing the rain out the back door and turning around she led me to the front door expecting better weather.

My late cat (the one in my pic) REALLY wanted my grocery-store sushi one time, but I didn't give her any, so she decided to lick a big ol' glob of the wasabi.

She didn't like it.

My pug who passed recently would eat literally anything. This includes raw potatoes that he dug out of the ground himself, very hot peppers off the plant (he was delighted with this), a jar of dried soup beans, and a bag of slivered almonds. The first two I simply never thought he'd think to eat, the beans and almonds I thought were out of reach and weren't. He was absolutely fine each time and very pleased with himself. When my ex would bring the grocery buckets in, he would be waiting and take a chomp out of anything he could reach, celery or lettuce or peppers. It really was cute despite the horrible poops he would have, and I miss him awful.

Dumbest? geez, it's hard to choose. She's a coward (part chihuahua, I'm sure) that can't beat the terrier genes in her mutt butt, so one night she goes out to the back yard and does her little barking at thin air, just to see if anything nearby gets scared off by it, and lo and behold there's an opossum! So she is barking, yelping in her little whine-bleat, running away from it, but then turning back and bark/cry/yelping at it while running at it, but when she's within 10 feet of it she gets even more yelpy and runs away from it, only to turn back again and repeat the whole shebang. I grabbed her by the fourth round, but I'm still just flummoxed at the thought process that must have been running in her tiny brain. It's like courage the cowardly dog manifested himself for a hot minute: scared but bravely charging the terrible monster while screaming.

She also likes to chase birds, screaming her head off... and we're not talking about birds on the ground. 300 feet in the air, and she still thinks she will catch them.

Ginger tom. That in and of itself is "enough said" but my personal fave was the time i saw him pick a fight with a stationary chair and lose.

One morning we woke up to a complete stranger pounding on the door yelling "YOUR DOGS ON THE ROOF!!!"

She had climbed out the attic window, and fell to the roof over the first floor. I don't know how long she was pacing the roof trying to find a way back in.

He threw himself off a bloody cliff following a cat. Luckily he survived intact but I've never heard such a loud splash ever since.

Sit at the base of the wall reaching out a paw for a fly on the ceiling 10 feet up.

Cat had a habit of licking plastic grocery bags. Didn't care two bits for catnip, but would go gaga for plastic bags. Well, one day the goober got so into it that she got her head into a bag handle, noticed that something was off, and panicked. So you have this cat sprinting all over the house, running away from the bag that's billowing and making scary noises just behind her... In the end she started running up the stairs, got the rest of the bag stuck under her paws, and just stood there in self-pity because she's pinned herself down.

My cat routinely jumps from a table onto my hot tub lid.

One day he did it while the tub was open and we were in it. Realized his mistake way too late and tried to stop on the edge, but went face first into the water

My cat once slipped his head through a handle of a paper bag while sleeping on it. Then he jumped off the couch and absolute chaos ensued. He drag the bag behind him and it inflated like a parachute and making a lot of noise which totally freaked him out.

He eventually managed to rip off the handle (glad it was a paper bag) while dragging it under some furniture, but he was quite traumatized after that. Didn’t come out of his favorite hiding spot for half a day.

My dog gets so lost in sniffing things that he walks into objects constantly. He's walked directly into stop signs, a gas meter, people, and even walls.

My dog will refuse to eat. She wants treats or whatever we’re having instead. She’s stubborn and will hold out for many hours, with a full bowl of food sitting there.

Then her stomach will hurt. She will complain and want to eat grass if we let her outside. She will refuse treats. We basically need to break treats in half and touch her lips with them/put them in her mouth (she will spit them out - we don’t force-feed her). After a try or two the taste and smell get her mouth watering and she slowly will eat the treat (usually a greenie), realize it’s making her feel better, and happily chow down her food. Totally normal and fine after that. Happy and playful, normal stool, energetic (especially for her age).

We’ve talked to the vet several times about this behavior. Blood tests and X-rays all normal. We give her long walks (at least an hour, twice a day, often with neighborhood dog friends). She’s allowed on furniture and loves to snuggle, insists on pets (and gets them!)

This girl is so stubborn she can’t figure out how to solve hungry. You fool! Just eat.

Had a cat catch themselves on fire from getting too close to a candle, then proceed to sit there while on fire and do nothing. I bolted across the room, and only then did they get scared and jumped so fast that it put out the fire.

Luckily, it was just some singed tail hair and nothing serious.

Jumped out of the fish tank.

We watched our cat, on multiple occasions, take a piece of dry food out of his dish and play with it on the floor - batting it around and chasing it - for 10+ minutes, then eat it, then spend the next 10+ minutes looking for it. He was not the brightest.

When I had my first dog, I drove a Kia Soul and would put the back row of seats down when I took him places. Depending on the circumstances, I might let him in from the rear hatchback or one of the rear side doors. One day I called him out to the car and was standing beside the open rear passenger side door. He came tearing down the path at full speed, rounded the car and leapt-- into the closed back door. He yiped, looked at me like he was offended, then hopped in the open door.

OP, I feel you pain. My current dog ate a toy, too. Only it wasn't his toy, and I don't have any kids...

$4300 emergency vet visit later, my girlfriend and I are much better about cleaning up after playtime.

I had a cat that, when she was a kitten, tried to jump up on the toilet, but ended up in it since the lid was up. She was very, very cautious about jumping up on things after that.

Wow, OP, your dog is dumb.

My childhood dog did something kinda similar. My family was going out to a new spot we hadn't been to, but it was a long drive on a windy road and I get really carsick. So we pulled over at this nice little view spot. We all got out and so did the dog. And for no reason, she ran full force at this waist height stone wall, jumped over it, and yeeted herself off this fucking thing

Mind you, we had no idea what was on the other side, and sturdy walls like that are usually built to keep people safe. So we freaked out, thinking she's going to be dead at the bottom of a cliff and ran over there. Thankfully it was just a very steep hill, so she wasn't dead and I don't think she was even very hurt. But good lord, dog, why do that??

The vet endoscoped 30 ponytail holders out of my cat's stomach several months ago, and if I hadn't banned them from the house she'd eat more. I bring in sprigs of crabgrass to appease her chompiness, they go through safely and keep her regular.

I was loading groceries into my freezer and had the door propped open with a small fridge magnet, and my old cat, being the ever curious orange dingus she was, climbed onto the top of the fridge where the freezer was, and started sniffing around. I walked away and around the corner back to my front door to grab the rest of the groceries and when I returned, she had closed herself into the freezer and was yowling. It took less than ten seconds for her goofy ass to get stuck inside the ice box.

Whenever I'm in a particular spot in the garden, our boy cat likes to hop up on top of the recycling bin to receive scritchies. One day he tried it while I was putting recycling away. There was a crash and I looked into the bin to find him up to the neck in torn cardboard beaming rays of this-is-your-fault,-monkey at me.

We once put a Santa outfit on our yorkipoo, but it was a little too big and the hat ended up covering his eyes. He still wanted to play fetch (it's all he ever thought about), so we threw his toy...and he ran full speed into a wall. I'd like to say he learned a lesson that day, but that dog was as dumb as he was adorable.

My dog is pretty smart, but sometimes he's smart in pretty stupid ways.

One thing he does is, if he needs help he will sit in front of the thing he needs help with. That's it, just sit there. Now, he's a black dog and he will sometimes do this in completely dark corners of the apartment. Maybe he played with his food ball and a treat has fallen under some furniture, he will just sit in front of it in the dark and expect us to help him, just sitting there for 20 minutes sometimes. Usually we only notice once he lets out a sad grumble after having sat there for a long time but I'm sure there's other times where he just gave up and we didn't notice at all. And this is not something we taught him, he just figured sitting quietly in a corner is the best way to get attention.

That and he likes to check if there's anything going on behind him while on walks, which often causes him to walk head-first into obstacles...

We have a cat that is like 95% goblin. Laziest fucking cat I've ever seen, literally sleeps all day and night except for when it's food time, usually in the warmest part of the house. The only thing he really cares about is getting fed. He will come find you when it's dinner time and make sure you didn't forget.
We've had to 'goblin proof's the house by adding magnets to the cupboard door so he can't just open it himself and have learned to never leave any of our food out on the counters. I can't count how many times we would get a loaf of bread or package of tortillas or stuff like that and leave it out on the counter just to find it on the floor the next morning with big chunks bitten out of them, or find the butter dish with the cover knocked off and a big divot where he licked like a tablespoons worth of butter. I had to start putting the jar of bacon grease in the fridge as soon as I had poured it out of the pan because otherwise he would get to it while we were eating and just dip his paw into it to lick at the delicious. More than once we have brought in the shipment of dog food but didn't think to fully put it away and then later found him shoulder deep in the food having chewed through the cardboard box and the plastic bag to get to the dog food inside.
So yeah, all that to preface, this cat had to get an emergency exploratory gastro surgery to remove a black silicone rubber cock ring he chewed into pieces and ate but couldn't pass. Little fucker still tries his hardest to eat any silicone rubber he can get to, and he knows the drawer I keep them in and has figured out how to open it, so we don't have many silicone toys anymore.

Not mine but a friend. They had a house with like 4 dogs. The biggest was a Golden who would enthusiastically nom other dogs' necks. Then one day they noticed the air tag on one of the other dog's collars was missing. Weirdly though it showed still in the house. I guess you can use your phone to tell it to make a sound to help you locate it. The sound was coming from inside the (golden) tum-tum! I forget how they retrieved it. I don't think they needed surgery. But supposedly the air tag still worked after cleaning it up.

The dog we had when I was a kid climbed a ladder up to the roof of the garage where my dad was replacing the shingles. She was not able to get down on her own. Afterwards she also was able to climb the ladders our play for thing she could get out of that on her own though.

Ate an entire pecan pie.

She went on the roof by a roof window, and she walked on this window. So it closed, and she was trapped on the roof for hours. The window was not accessible, we thought. She once fell on a cactus trying to reach this same window.

"I will go get attention from the human in the bathroom!"

My identical twin is in there

"Hello human OH NO THE SCARY HUMAN"

She then proceeded to flip out, knocking some things over, then flee to under the couch

She's less scared of twin but still is a little idiot about twin. Twin is super scary. I am not.

Last week our dog found poop in the yard and started rolling in it, just two days after getting a bath at the groomer