this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2025
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Do NOT tell the government about the secret Antifa base that is VERY well hidden in Death Valley. It's the only place we can coordinate all the Antifa bases built underneath every EPA Superfund site. Anyway if you can chip in a few dollars, it will be much appreciated by the gigantic army we are forming in Death Valley.

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[–] determinism2@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And remember, the only way to get there is on foot, using our custom antifa stillsuit that pipes your piss directly into your mouth. Many people have made understandable decision of trying to drive there or bringing plenty of drinking water. This is a fatal mistake.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Every real antifa drinks pee. The only way some new guy could prove he isn't a fed is to preemptively offer to drink a glass of pee in front of everyone. We better see them lips chug.

[–] into_highest_invite@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

hey how do i join antifa lol

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The right people at the DSA meeting have to see you drinking a bottle of pee.

[–] into_highest_invite@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

Doesn't matter. All of it belongs to the workers anyway.

[–] Des@hexbear.net 20 points 2 days ago

don't forget that all the communications relays to link up with China are on that crumbly overhang in Kīlauea.

the active lava lake, not the other ones

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 28 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Also, do not reveal that we've been breeding actual animal-human hybrids and disguising them with furry outfits

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 27 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The Death Valley base will achieve Karl Marx's dream of all humans becoming animals. Thankfully nobody can stop us because it's so well hidden. It would take a MASSIVE search effort, and the only entrance is somewhere in the Mojave Desert.

[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 13 points 2 days ago

I hear this is the plot of the acclaimed novel Animal Farm

[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

Mmm, cuddly. So when do I get my teddy bear ears and Tigger tail?

[–] Lyudmila@hexbear.net 21 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I heard you guys get air conditioning. I'm jealous, all we have up here under Liberal Mountain is blankets and prune juice.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I was talking to the founder of Antifa the other day. He said that in the Portland Sewer Base they ran out of coffee filters. The entire Portland resistance is being run out of that secret base inside the sewers where you need the special poo key to enter and have to find the right poo to fit in the lock, but they only have instant coffee right now.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I kept hearing that, but I thought they were saying "Special Pookie" and I'm like wow what an affectionate nickname

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

It's a genius system. There are so many poos in the sewer and only one of them fits "the door in the floor". No way could the government ever find the right poo.

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

farnsworth Prune juice is also synthesized from quark squeezings of Nibbler's litter box. One should be so fortunate.

[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

Prunes?? here on the Point Nemo raft we would kill for prune juice

Anybody else feel like the mole senator has been acting... off lately? I feel like we're getting less insider trading info and almost nothing about Israel despite their privileged position in getting really sensitive info.

[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago

I was down by the loading docks the other day and I saw a bunch of empty paint canisters. Facility protocol requires you to dispose of them properly. Come on people, clean up after yourselves

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

FUCK! I've been picketing this Vietnamese restaurant for months now, and it was the wrong place all along? They didn't even meet my demands to stop serving rice noodle soup. bateman-desperate

[–] segfault11@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

that’s the decoy base, the real main base is at 37°14′0″N 115°48′30″W

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago

I'm so relieved. For a moment I thought you were about to disclose the ultra top secret Antifa base in Antarctica where we're launching Project Apocalypse, but that's just one of the ones we built beneath the most polluted section of every military base. Thankfully they won't think to dig there.

[–] context@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

Some of the ones inside the sewer systems of every major city predate that. It's wild.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

Don't forget our secret collaboration with the Tall Greys underneath Dulce, NM

[–] Lussy@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

Outer Heaven is just as valid as Zanzibar Land foh

[–] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Do they need narcan? I know they got that huge fentanyl factory down there and I want to make sure everybody is safe on the job

[–] roux@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

I'm gonna send y'all 1,000 Xi bucks. Hope it helps.

[–] LadyCajAsca@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

(totally not a fed)

I see, where can I find this ANTIFA base, and tell me exactly where the factories, the illegal aliens and the gangs are?

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

I would never risk OPSEC by disclosing a location like that. All I'll say is you gotta look for the right rock, then climb the closest high voltage electrical line tower and push the button.

[–] redchert@lemmygrad.ml 10 points 2 days ago

Actually thats where Aunt Tifa lives, Unc Tifa lives on Jarvis Island. The Antifa Commission boards of Acquisition and Mergers approved of his move like a year ago.

[–] TheTux@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 days ago

Sorry to burst your bubble everyone, but I don't think they'll fall for this one

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He has cut funding to us because he is starting something called Antifa 2.

[–] 9to5@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

I heard they hired Adam Sandler for the Antifa 2 movie