this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 34 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman sexually
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman financially
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman bureaucratically
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman maliciously
  • Top 10: Ways to flirt with a woman abstractly
[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 7 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Oh. Can I see the abstractly list?

Sounds fun

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 5 points 2 hours ago

I was also curious about the abstractly. Release the list.

[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 41 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.

[–] LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.

[–] icelimit@lemmy.ml 3 points 55 minutes ago

If she doesn't, tell her she's acting crazy.

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy im arguing with points that out.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 18 points 7 hours ago

This is like when you teach someone that a swear is a greeting in a foreign language

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 18 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.

[–] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 14 points 5 hours ago

We live in a post irony world and I literally can't tell the difference without knowing the source.

[–] glitch1985@lemmy.world 7 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra@discuss.online 1 points 5 hours ago

Of course, I forgot answer C. All of the above.

[–] itslola@lemmy.world 19 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?

[–] madjo@feddit.nl 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

In europe we store our eggs unrefrigerated

The chicken ones, sure, but are all your climates mild enough that they hatch like that?

[–] StupidBrotherInLaw@lemmy.world 3 points 7 hours ago

Every day here and I don't even have ovaries!

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 12 points 8 hours ago

Damn I guess I’ve never ovulated in my life

[–] dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 36 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 20 points 12 hours ago

once with a women. Trust me.

Stop bragging

[–] spiffynova@lemmy.world 229 points 17 hours ago (15 children)

We all know that won't work. Try this instead.

[–] madjo@feddit.nl 3 points 3 hours ago

I keep stealing shoes, and filling it with rue, but all it's given me are shouting matches

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.

[–] icelimit@lemmy.ml 1 points 54 minutes ago (1 children)

How do you steal each other fancy cheeses? Or steal fancy cheese from each other?

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 20 minutes ago

So, you steal a fancy cheese, right? Then you give it to your girlfriend. Then maybe she steals a fancy cheese that reminds her of you and passes it off. Now youve stolen each other fancy cheeses.

[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

My mom and I used to steal fancy cheese for each other. God I miss that woman like you can't believe. 10/10 mom and person.

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Ha. She's one worth crying over. Lost her in April, and I don't know that I'll recover. Hug your loved ones. ♥️

But I will tell you, she taught me how to steal fantastic cheeses, and we never went hungry again. Haha.

[–] Spezi@feddit.org 17 points 10 hours ago (3 children)
[–] hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago

That's kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.

[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 4 points 6 hours ago

Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we're getting hitched.

[–] kilgore_trout@feddit.it 1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Homesnatch@lemmy.world 1 points 26 minutes ago

Bro, that's cheese coated in wax.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 3 points 7 hours ago

I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I'm single again.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 93 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

"Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are."

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 56 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Yes, that one there officer. He tried to put a Kraft Single in my bra.

He failed though. Arrest him, and bring me someone taller.

[–] lime@feddit.nu 51 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

no wonder it didn't work, that's not even cheese

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[–] kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 2 points 7 hours ago

Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.

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[–] kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 180 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.

[–] CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 28 points 14 hours ago

No relation.

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