this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Foolproof advice (programming.dev)
submitted 1 day ago by sus@programming.dev to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
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[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 9 points 8 hours ago (3 children)

I was also curious about the abstractly. Release the list.

[–] petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

I found this one.

1. Assume interesting shapes

Hard to understand geometry can inspire curiosity. Intrigue her by adding more complexity to your configuration!

2. Playfully interact with her as different people

Hate to break it to you, guys, but not having a personality isn't going to impress anyone. What will impress a lot of people is having 7, 8 or 9 different personalities that come and go as the mood changes.

3. Get close!

Close bonds often reflect a close geography, so try to be in the same room she's in as much as possible. If she wanders into the kitchen for a soda, wander in yourself to wash your hands. If she's talking to a friend in the hallway, talk to a different friend in the same hallway.

4. Be funny

Comedy can be extrapolated from this base formula:

P = ¬P

Such an expression being true would require the dissolution of all fundamental axioms of logic and reason, and is therefore funny. Try explaining this to her.

5. Be mysterious

Nothing is more sexy than a masked man of mystery. Show her how mysterious you are by playing ominous sounds while describing a job you don't know you have, and people you don't remember speaking to!

6. Be

The best way to make yourself available to a woman is to have an existential presence in our natural world.

7. Share the things you have in common

Impress her by ovulating with her!

8. Don't be afraid to be saucy

Demonstrate your wild side by flopping about or rubbing against nearby objects and furniture.

But don't get carried away. Being too floppy can be off-putting. Try to match her level of floppiness.

9. Gifts make the heart grow fonder

Gifts are a great way to establish a connection and to show how much you care. Try giving her the gift of self-love, or the depth of pure sadness. You could also teach her to be less co-dependent!

10. Try MDMA!

Ecstacy looks really weird in movies. This could be a great way to experience something new together!

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

You probably saved the whole date/relationship right at the end there.

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I want to know how to maliciously flirt. Hey sexy, want to come to my place and stick your fingers in the power outlet?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago

Negging, maybe?

"Damn, you vacuum so well... for an ovulating female."

That kind of thing.

[–] TheRealLinga@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 hours ago

release the abstractly files