This is not a drill. The woke mob has taken Cracker Barrel.
I gave my life to Christ in the Cracker Barrel parking lot.
New sentence!
this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2025
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chapotraphouse
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Imagine that's where you have your spiritual awakening
A fucking parking lot for a terrible store that's also a bad restaurant
How are we being beaten by these freaks?
These freaks are the end result of decades of anti-communist policy
These are the perfect USAans
Christian Conservative Consumers
Of course they're going to be in charge, the system was made for them
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I think there just are people out there who genuinely enjoy this vapid lifestyle. Like we could create a star trek utopia and there'd still be a minority of people grumbling in their free apartment that there isn't an ugly neon parking lot with a restaurant attached that they can buy awful burgers in, instead they have to eat good vegan burgers from their damn replicator!
joke police
Benjamin Sisko, who for the non Trekkies, is literally the guy described above by SBTO
Nah he made good food.
These people want disgusting slop that doesn't have any complex flavors that will confuse them.
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Billions of dollars of funding from the people who are actually beating us goes into every aspect of society to produce people like this.
I was raised in the pentecostal church in Florida. That is, in fact, not a new sentence lol
How do we make taglines happen
I like to imagine the mods just use foeum search for "tagline" and pick out their favorites, but the process is shrouded in secrecy
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New tagline just dropped.
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“I gave my life to Christ in the cracker barrel parking lot” is fucking god tier bro
You claim to have given your life to Christ in a cracker barrel parking lot, yet you are still alive. Curious
Giving your life to Christ then: Living in a remote monastery in the mountains, asceticism, vows of abstinence, self flagellation, prayer, humility, studying the Bible, reflection, having a huge bald spot on purpose, abstaining from worldly affairs
Giving your life to Christ now: complaining on the internet, victim complex, using slurs, hating the gays, getting into politics, trying to become famous
I wish these dipshits would RETVRN to shutting the fuck up and leaving society.
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it's got the same cadence as those "the mothman ate my ass at a buc-ee's" bumper stickers
Christ was like 
”I wish people would stop summoning me this way - so fucking cringe”
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I think, "I gave my life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot" is very funny.
It really does sound so thirsty when they say shit like that.
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I enjoyed the family friendly atmosphere of Cracker Barrel. The cotton gin they used as an ice bucket for glass bottle sugarcane sodas was great. I liked the old plantation photos on the walls. I loved seeing good families enjoy massa's rocking chairs on the front porch. But this...I don't know. I think if they remove the noose that you tug on to summon wait staff, I might just have to stop going. It was bad enough when they started selling YANKEE candles in the general store.
Don't worry about the noose, they've trained their waiters to respond to "boy"
I'm taking my whole Polycule to the Cracker Barrel and we're gonna make out on the big rocking chairs
noooo that's granpappy's chair! 
Yeah I know, I fucked him in this chair!
it's way too easy to get chuds all riled up... like shooting fish in a cracker barrel
It's They/Them Barrel now 
Cracker Barrel became BIPOC Barrel
I'm not going out of my way to defend the Cracker Barrel because they're just desperate for more revenue and know their usual clientele are dying by the cracker barrel full
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Giving my life to christ in a cracker barrel parking lot rn
Giving your life to christ in a parking lot is the most amerikkkan thing I've ever seen.
This week.
I find it really funny that Americans are so car-brained that a chain restaurant's parking lot can be the place for a Damascine conversion.
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They removed rhe cracker and the barrel
Shares of Cracker Barrel fell $4.22, or 7.2%, to $54.80 in Thursday trading, shedding $94 million in market value. The stock had dipped to a low of $50.27 earlier in the day, representing a loss of almost $200 billion in its capitalization.
It's all literally just vibes.
Guys, line went DOWN a bit! They're really going to see consequences now!
oh god oh no
The very next day
lol
($200 Billion valuation)
BYRON DONALDS gave his LIFE to CHRIST in the Cracker Barrel parking lot.
"American culture" lmao
Oh please tell me Honkey Keg and Bleachskin Cask are ok
One hand: Please, you lot can more than have KKKracker Barrel. Please, keep your slop and let us have real victories.
On the other: Seeing every last thing that brings them joy be ‘ruined’ is the closest I will ever get to getting one over on them.
At the center of the earth, in the parking lot
Of the Kkkrakkker Barrel where I was taught
Give your life to chriiiist 🎵
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CRACKER BARGLE WOKE!!..
Bit idea: call them communists for disagreeing with the free market in regards to cracker barrel.
Of course, because millennials are killing restaurants, kkkracker barrel is going to fall on hard times regardless of the PR stunt, so it's going to be fodder for how it started/how it's going with regards to going woke and going broke. In the meantime you can ragebait some divorced guy and have a little fun.
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