this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
865 points (98.7% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

33433 readers
4713 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] CleoCommunist@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

There are too many possible things to ask

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The wisest wish, may be no wish at all...

[–] CleoCommunist@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago
[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Ah, Gandalf the Pink. Is that what happens if the Balrog gets you a second time?

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 34 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Let’s try making Karma a real universal force

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 39 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Good one! Your wish has been granted (but in an alternate universe). After a period of turmoil, the citizens of Earth C-132 create a utopic society:

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago (5 children)
[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Okay, I have now frozen time in the universe. Peaceful eons pass and I move to a parallel universe to escape the boredom:

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] xorollo@leminal.space 12 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Can you clear both my nasal passages so I can breath through them simultaneously?

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] bss03@infosec.pub 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Universal love and Transcendent joy

But, if you can't do that, I'd like to enjoy the things I used to (~ 2019?) enjoy.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

~~You~~ Everyone is finally happy–eternally happy. Neurochemistry is now permanently rewired such that we can no longer feel sadness, fear, or embarrassment. We are always experiencing ecstasy and there are no breaks:

(sfxrlz's wish has been reinstated (it was previously cancelled by a wish) and spread to everyone)

[–] Siegfried@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I want my teeth back and healthy

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] diemartin@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 days ago (1 children)

One (1) fall of capitalism please

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 18 points 3 days ago (3 children)

You got it. Post apocalyptic scenario ends all forms of investment and monetary exchange. We go back to the barter system:

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Apocalypteroid@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Masamune@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I'd like a pleasant surprise that has no negative consequences whatsoever.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] RandomVideos@programming.dev 21 points 3 days ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] wolframhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (8 children)

I'd like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

  • that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
  • that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
  • that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
  • that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
  • that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
  • that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
  • that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.
load more comments (8 replies)
[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

A bagel.

No. Wait.

Two bagels.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 19 points 3 days ago (2 children)

The next time that you eat at a restaurant and are entirely full, two fresh artisanal bagels are delivered to your table: they're complementary.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] mergingapples@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Could I also get the ability to bend reality?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] MrLLM@ani.social 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You’ve done more than enough, my child. Get yourself something nice.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 26 points 3 days ago

𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲, 𝔰𝔦𝔯𝔢.

I conjure myself up some tea.... it verges on the cusp of excessive lemon.

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›