this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 31 comments
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[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 18 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, but when I was a kid back in the 80's and saw them in the mail order catalogs, I completely believed they were just head and neck massagers.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 15 points 17 hours ago

They can be. Just keep a good grip on the base. You don't want to choke.

[–] KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 32 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

I gave one of these to my girlfriend the day before I had to go away on business for 2 months.

She said "What is this for?"

I said "It's a replacement for my you-know-what."

She said "Oh, ok. I think I get it."

I got home 2 months later and she had 3 chipped teeth.

[–] Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

What's the bet that the "sturdy high impact plastic" isn't body safe?

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

It doesn't release microplastics, it releases macroplastics.

[–] tpyo@lemmy.world 4 points 4 hours ago

Is there a percentage higher than 100?

[–] kami@lemmy.dbzer0.com 77 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Enjoy the benefits of a cordless massager that gives a gentle penetrating massage

They totally knew what they were doing.

[–] danekrae@lemmy.world 58 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

7 inches long. Sturdy high impact plastic.

That's what everybody asks about when buying products for their face.

[–] RandomStickman@fedia.io 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

eyes, brows, chin, and other parts of the body

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 3 points 19 hours ago

Be careful, some might misuse this as a sex toy.

[–] ReCursing@feddit.uk 49 points 1 day ago (7 children)

I have to massage my face due to nerve damage. I bought a massage gun but it is too violent, so I am seriously considering buyijg a cheap sex toy specifically to massage my face!

...but I may be the only one

[–] cokeslutgarbage@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

I use my vibrator on my neck sometimes when I have a migraine, it works really well.

[–] tpyo@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

I advise not to go "cheap" and make sure you get something body safe. (Cheap toys could be made with harmful materials.) Honestly if you go to a sex shop and explain what the need is, they'll be more than happy to guide you to toys that have the vibrations you need. There's buzzy or rumbly types and come in a huge range of strengths and textures

Seriously, they'd be ecstatic to help! And you would absolutely not be the only one

Unsolicited recommendation?:
I'm not sure what you need specifically, but something like this might work? https://lovecrave.com/products/vesper It's small and you can use the tip for pinpoint or the length of it for a larger area. It is rumbly, surprisingly so for such a small device, and has different strengths (and patterns), and doesn't look like a sex toy

[–] dickalan@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago

Even ones with an adjustable dial are too rough? First off I’m sorry you have nerve damage that sucks second off. I hope the hand dildo works.

[–] hedgehogging_the_bed@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I use an intimate vibrator on my face occasionally to loose up my sinuses. Just give it a good wash before and after; there's nothing wrong with it.

[–] Whelks_chance@lemmy.world 4 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Not -always- but when things are really goopy and not going anywhere I can vibe for a couple of minutes until it's looser and then blow my nose and get my allergy spray in. It's a nasal spray so I need any room in there to get the meds in. I rub it mostly on my upper cheeks and nose and a little on my forehead.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 21 hours ago

"hey honey can you- what the fuck"

[–] zakobjoa@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Oh my God that is such a great idea

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 21 hours ago

what about, like, a regular-ass electric toothbrush?

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Get a We-Vibe Touch! It’s got a silicone exterior and it goes from little vibrations to fairly strong.

That's super pricey for this. Any $15 vibe from Amazon will do.

[–] loomy@lemy.lol 3 points 23 hours ago

the gun is good

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 8 points 19 hours ago

Careful though, it doesn't have a flared base.

[–] Kaput@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago

I almost bought one as a Christmas present for my mom when I was ten. The last in the catalogue was holding it to her shoulder... I'm so glad I picked the brass penguin instead.

[–] PTSDwarrior@lemmy.ml 9 points 23 hours ago

Reminds me of the Adult Swim ad for salad tossers that looked suspiciously like…a tool that really gives women pleasure. And here it is: Salad Mixxxer

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 10 points 1 day ago

massage in cream

You don't say...

[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I am pretty sure some did, after.

[–] mastod0n@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

It never was intended as a "face massager".