I'm dying in a religious conflict
this post was submitted on 10 Feb 2025
120 points (94.8% liked)
Asklemmy
45245 readers
892 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
https://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Middle-School-Crush-to-Like-You
UUUHHHHH
monday
inhales
I like coming here.
In break times, i often get to see her, with her long skirt, her adorable jacket, and her soft, long, brown hair.
She is rather tall in her friend group, she must be 13, maybe 14...
It doesn't stop me for loving her even if i am in my 40's.
Nothing can.
It's not a barbaric attraction like thoses weird pedophiles.
My love is pure.
She's made to be mine.
"I want to be with her together."
tuesday
She just leaved the school to buy her meal.
Today she did attach her hairs into two braids, with ribbons at the ends.
She is so cute.
"I absoluetly want to be with her"
She seems to be alone right now.
"Is it my chance?"
Slowly, gently, silently, I put some chloroform on the piece of cotton.
Softly, purely, nicely, I approach her from behind.
Strangely, surprisingly, quickly, she does a barrel roll and a backflip, and face me with an assault rifle.
Rougly, straightly, immediatly, she say: "ladies and gentleman, we got him"
Painly, horribly, trementously, i get perfored multiple times by supersonic projectiles, and fall on the ground.
"aww man"
I just died trying to get a middle school crush to like me.
Guys don't call the police it's for the thing
load more comments
(1 replies)
I die in a conflict where I tell a Wizards of the Coast zombie that Paizo and Pathfinder are the best, which, honestly, I should've seen coming.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I think this speaks for itself
well hmm, This could be interesting
I WARNED YEH!
DIDN'T I WARN YEH?
Welp..
Getting punched in the throat while trying to wall thump somebody is peak physical comedy.
load more comments
(1 replies)
How would I die by this?
"How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Have a YouTube Account"
They say no. When you continue to insist on getting an account, your dad loses his patience and starts beating you with jumper cables.
load more comments
(1 replies)
https://www.wikihow.com/Write-Your-Own-Eulogy
Well, at least I was prepared.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I'm checking a microwave for leaks, how did the C4 even get in here?
:(
I die cleaning a bicycle chain.
I die in a freak hawk training accident.
Yes, dying from the most dangerous of human endeavors: small talk.
Who knew that dying my brown hair blonde without using bleach could be so dangerous?
UPDATE REQUIRED PLEASE UPDATE ON GOOGLE PLAY STORE. So I guess I die from updates.
"How to confront a cheating husband"
That actually makes sense as a way to die, I just need to become gay now.
How to Combine Documents in Microsoft Word
I always suspected
It's the Rabbit of Caerbannog!While searching for a Cherry Grove Blossom Biome in Minecraft?! How do they know that?! (β_β)
I spent way to long thinking it was "How to make Scorpion man miss you". Thought I was gonna get stung.
Painlessly in my bed, in the warm embrace of a loved one, it would seem.
How to run away from an abusive home.
I was already planning to run away from an abusive home.
This is horrifying
uh oh
"How to Clean Leather Sandals"
I don't own leather sandals and am not sure I know anyone who does, so that is very unlikely any time soon.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Removing mold stains from wood flooring.
Here, don't stop! It's endless scroll meets wiki: https://wikitok.vercel.app/
load more comments
(1 replies)
'How to treat a sprained neck'
So not sure if I'm the one with the neck injury or if I managed to get killed treating someone else
Phew, good thing I don't own a car and haven't driven for 13 years... Wait maybe this is the year π
So does the plant kill me or is there an aloe vera crime syndicate I got on the wrong side of?
view more: next βΊ