I’ve noticed a pattern in my friendships that I’m struggling with, and I’d love to hear other people’s perspectives.
Whenever I suggest something I genuinely want to do with friends, the plans always get changed around — often to fit schedules or budgets — until they no longer resemble what I originally suggested. By the time we meet up, I usually don’t enjoy the activity itself, though I still value being with my friends.
This cycle tends to repeat:
I suggest something → it gets reshaped into something I don’t want → we meet up but I’m bored/miserable → then we don’t talk for 6–12 months until someone breaks the silence.
Recently, I’ve made a change: I started doing the things I enjoy on my own, without waiting for friends. For the first time, I’ve actually been happy doing what I love — but it also means I’m doing them alone.
Part of why I’m trying this is because I’ve lost friends in the past from being visibly miserable all the time when I adapted to things I didn’t actually like. Honestly, it feels like for most of my life I never really chose my friends — I just adapted to the people around me. Now, I’d really like to choose friends who genuinely align with what I enjoy.
So here’s my question: Is it wrong to want to choose my friends? How do you balance doing what makes you happy with maintaining friendships, especially if your happiness and your current friend group don’t line up?
Any thoughts, advice, or personal experiences would be really helpful.
ai disclaimer
I'm going through a lot and instead of just dumping my feelings here I thought it would make more sense to have Chatgpt handle it.
Here's the source chat but if you want to cite my words I'd prefer you just cite my post instead.
Regardless I stand behind Chatgpt's output as my own words and am accountable for it as though I wrote it.
Apologies in advance if you are disabled, but if you can't stand for 40 minutes+ then I think the first thing to work on is your endurance. Even if it doesn't lead to more hang time with your friends, it will be rewarding for you and probably mitigate the chance of early death.
Incorrect: the very first thing to investigate is the shoes that @danhab99@programming.dev wears. Correct footwear is a game-changer in one's ability to stay on one's feet for hours. 40 min doesn't sound like just a standing issue, but rather that his insoles may not be contouring where his feet actually apply pressure. Some stores make custom insoles just for this purpose. There are also numerous shoe brands out there that look good but feel bad to wear. I would ask what brand of shoes he's wearing.
I bought these 3 weeks ago bc my therapist recommended, the Atrex insoles are also really nice. I've been walking better and maybe I can stand for >1 hr now ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Interesting, thanks, so New Balance 9060 + Aetrex insoles; I may follow suit myself! By the way, you dropped this:
\(to properly type out that emoticon in markdown, you must use\\\instead of\, since one alone will act as an "escape character" instead of a literal character to be printed).I am not disabled, there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to stand for 40 mins, or do 10 pushups, or lift myself over a wall, or carry someone my exact weight a distance of idk 60m???? Why shoudn't I beable to do these things?? Ok, thank you for helping me type this
Everything but that last one is within your reach. I weigh 180 pounds but there is no chance I could carry someone the same weight 60 meters, and I consider myself in decent shape.
I just did some work with a tool that weighs 70 pounds and i can barely lift it into a truck.
Thanks for the reference point, I weigh about the same so I guess I don't have to be able to carry a person