this post was submitted on 02 Jun 2025
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I'm not sure whether I want this to be read by GLADOS or Cave Johnson. Both would deliver the hell out of these lines.
It was Cave Johnson for me.
I just read it twice, with both, in my head.
Cave Johnson was funnier.
I read it as GLaDOS first and got a little smile, then went back and reread it as Cave Johnson and laughed.
For Cave, the signoff would be:
I'm Cave Johnson, don't @ me.
I prefer the robotic announcer with the fake uplifting, soulless tone.
I'm a little surprised nobody thinks of that
Initially I thought Cave Johnson, but the enumeration in the first paragraph seems more of a GLaDOS thing. The rest could go either way. If on the other hand, the enumeration was phrased without "the following regions:", it would be more Cave Johnson.
The enumerations would work if he's reading it as a press release, probably uncomfortably, and with a few asides to an off-screen character about how he doesn't like it
On second thought, could be 1980s Cave Johnson, when Aperture was seriously in decline.
With irritated paper-shuffling noises.
emergency testing initiative voice from the start of P2, just for the maximum level of unpersonness
I think specifically Portal 1 GLADOS.
JK Simmons would do this press release proud.
I think I've seen this with audio for both.