Eh, I've been in your position.

If I still lived there and was still in death trajectory, I'd do it. Not for all the dumdums who should also be doing it (or the idiots who dont deserve it), but to make the world a better place (or at least try) instead of leaving it in the same shit it's in, including for anyone you love, if there's any.

I think that, maybe if you were even closer to death (as in actually terminal), you might (because not everyone has the same mindset) see the point, because people who are going to die anyway have something everyone else doesn't - freedom from consequences. Freedom of choice with societal constraints, because what can any society impose on someone already destined to meet an end soon? They can try, but what is the ultimate deterrent for most humans is non existent for people who are/were in our place.

Sure, you could call it abelist. I call it opportunist. Glass half full kinda thing. Other people, doing what we could do, have the potential to face something much worse than death in a fascist regime. Torture comes to mind.

Someone like me who had kidney failure and did dialysis though? Assuming they want to capture me to torture me, I just gotta take some potassium supplements right after pulling off what I want to and my heart goes weh.

Don't pat yourself in the back too much either - even if me or you did go through with such an act, we wouldn't really be a hero or brave or anything either. We'd be just as much of a coward, in a way, as the "abelists", in that something was only done once we basically had little to lose. If deciding that, it's only because there's already an exit anyway.

You can of course just do nothing like everyone else. Or go do more dangerous things like skydiving or giving a monkey a shower and have some fun. Certain death assured expeditiously gives freedom like no other. You have the right to be selfish with that choice just as those more likely to live longer do everyday.

But you still carry hope because you still have a good chance, that's why it makes you angry. You still have something holding you back. People who still have hope are not the same as the hopeless, nor even the same as people who lost all hope momentarily.

And that is something those in power forget too.