Mint_Raccoon

They've already been mentioned, but The Dead Milkmen are exactly what you're looking for.

I have a T480 that I'm very happy with. With shipping I paid a little under $250. It came with 16GB of RAM and a 256GB SSD (which I replaced with a larger one).

I've used KDE on a Thinkpad T60, it's about 17 years old, has 3GB of RAM, and a Core Duo. It ran surprisingly well. Replacing the HDD with a SSD can also make a noticeable difference, so you should consider that if you haven't already. I also turned off a lot of the animations and effects for better performance.

I live in Florida (unfortunately). Cows are pretty common in my region.

I took a programming class in highschool, so I know some BASIC. Not that I've ever used it since then.

In my experience, it's idependently unless updating breaks a version dependency on another package. In that case pacman won't update anything until the issue is resolved. I think I've only ever had this happen with AUR packages.

Jet Set Radio

It's through Proton, but the game runs flawlessly. Do note that you're really going to want a controller for this one. Playing this with a keyboard is a miserable experience. Another thing is that there's an unofficial tool for importing images over your custom graffiti, but it's for Windows and I've never tried it with Wine.

Someone made a flowchart on what to play after finishing the series.

If you're willing to check out non-RPGs, then I highly recommend Star Tropics (which is on the flowchart). The best way to describe it as a cross between MOTHER (setting) and The Legend of Zelda (gameplay). An interesting thing to note is that Star Tropics is a first-party Nintendo game that's never been released in Japan despite being developed there.
Another thing is that there's a point where you'll need to get a password off of the Internet. The game originally came with a letter from the protagonist's uncle that contained the password, which would only be revealed by dipping the letter in water.

The closest I can offer to what you're asking for is that there are some e-readers that use Android. I own a Boox Page, which is one of those, and I'm happy with it. Boox products are a bit on the pricier side, but they do offer features that can be difficult to find on other manufacturers' offerings, such as a micro SD slot.

My sister uses her second monitor maninly for Discord, but sometimes it's art references or game guides.

There's a homebrew app called ftpd that you could use, but it only works on a hacked system and that requires an SD card reader to initially setup.

It might be something like Qantas 72 where a fault in a component that supplies vital data to the flight computer caused two uncontrolled drops which resulted in over 100 people getting injured.