If this happens, I'm beating the guards to death with a sack of apples/potatoes/whatever dense plant material i can find

There are at least 13 barrels of hell, yes

Pictures you can smell

What bean bag chair?

Where is it?

WHERE ARE HER LEGS?!?!?!?!?

Yeah, I still cackle thinking about it

It probably did help that I was dressed in Carhartt and camo

One of the best social skills to develop is the ability to lie without shame

Especially to jerks

I did this once and someone yelled at me for not having veteran's plates on my car

I lifted my shirt and showed them my scars from my gallbladder surgery and said they were from my tour in Fallujah

They apologized and thanked me for my service

This is somehow more wackadoo than Herman Cain's SimCity Tax

I hope he tries and someone hacks his brain and sets it to scrambled eggs