this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2025
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chapotraphouse

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[–] Packet@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Real marxists dump coffee grounds into their mouth, grind them to fine dust using their bare teeth(trained using capital), and then pouring the hot water into their mouth, boiled from a white maoist anger. They then let the mixture sit for exactly 10 paragraphs of theory reading and spewing it out, drink from a cup they stole from a liberal

[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 1 points 47 minutes ago

exactly 10 paragraphs of theory reading

I'd probably have to up that to properly time a cup of coffee... my mum says I read too fast.

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 1 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Coffee is for the bourgeoisie

[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 1 points 43 minutes ago

Actually, there's probably some interesting commentary to be made on modern workplace coffee culture being created and encouraged by the bourgeoisie to squeeze more productivity out of the proletariat...

But I'd rather bash the Trots for how they make their coffee, than do actual Marxist analysis of the ways the working class uses caffeine.

I wake up every morning with a cool glass of water, poured over the unquenchable insurrectionary fire in my belly.

this creates the steam which billows from my ears as I read the morning's emails from management.

[–] ThermonuclearEgg@hexbear.net 28 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Where's the option for tea? lenin-tea

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)
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[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

You're specifically the British or English local party of whatever your tendency is, then. Tendency probably depends on whether you use individual mugs or a teapot, how you heat the water, and whether you use teabags or looseleaf, and if looseleaf, the exact way that you put it into the water and remove it from the steeped tea.

(Or, you're a modern Chinese commie, see the pics of Xi with two teacups in front of him. But I like the British party branch joke better. Took me longer to write.)

[–] Arahnya@hexbear.net 13 points 1 day ago

Instant coffee equal parts sugar and water, whipped into a thick foam and served into a hot liquid with powdered non dairy cream. So, prison abolitionist.

[–] MizuTama@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Where is the option for 5 energy drinks and heart palpitations?

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 22 points 1 day ago

Welcome to the situationist international.

[–] MemesAreTheory@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago

Oh no, that's anarcho-capitalist, you've come to the wrong club.

[–] lil_tank@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

How you doin fellow liberals

[–] MolotovHalfEmpty@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What would an aeropress be?

[–] Chana@hexbear.net 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] MolotovHalfEmpty@hexbear.net 3 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Never. The espresso machine is already liberal + it's a huge mechanism that actually only trickles down to a tiny few, carefully proportioned.

[–] Chana@hexbear.net 3 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Neoliberal! It's the austerity version.

[–] CommunistBear@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Where does energy drinks and caffeine pills come in?

[–] Chana@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

Lone wolf adventurist

[–] CrawlMarks@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

Tankie. Chocolate coat you caffeine pills and you are a nazi though so be careful

[–] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

My cat, Leon Trotsky, knocked by French Press off the counter, so I'm back to instant.

[–] LeylaLove@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

I do love f**** press

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I got this dope little appliance that makes espresso. You add whole beans to a hopper, and water to a tank. Every 6 shots or so you empty the 'pucks'. Otherwise you just push a button. I don't drink much coffee, but I love espresso drinks, and I'm lazy.

[–] fox@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

Super-automatic, I think the category is called.

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 18 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

Where's the option for two scoops of shitty processed instant coffee? Black.

[–] glimmer_twin@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 13 points 1 day ago

I need that damn drug or I want to kill everyone I see

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[–] HonestMistake_@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What even are all these bougie contraptions

[–] fox@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

Drip machine, espresso machine, star trek replicator, v60, chemex, moka pot, Nespresso machine, French press. There's a billion ways to extract coffee (beverage) from coffee (bean) and this is some of the more popular ones, plus replicators which I imagine skip the extraction step.

[–] StillNoLeftLeft@hexbear.net 5 points 1 day ago

I stopped drinking coffee after decades of ml coffeemaker-life, because my stomach can't take it anymore. Ngl the wastefullness of it always annoyed me so I would microwave the old coffee or drink it when it had burnt in the pan for hours.

Maybe my destroyed gi system is the enlightenment that comes to those who occupationally keep themselves awake with pots of coffee.

[–] sleeplessone@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

I use a drip coffee maker. I guess I'm a real communist after all despite being an asocial shut in who rarely goes outside.

[–] TommyBeans@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

Instant is never on these, that must make me a lib

[–] Owl@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I have a normal drip coffee machine (ML) but it's a goofy one with an internal karaffe so it looks like a keurig (Trot)

Feel free to invent a new tendency

sounds Marcyite to me

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[–] iByteABit@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

Deep inside I knew I was a filthy LIB

[–] glimmer_twin@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Half of this stuff is burgerland crimes against humanity that in any sane country wouldn’t even be considered methods of coffee preparation

[–] Cysioland@lemmygrad.ml 11 points 1 day ago (4 children)

burgerland crimes against humanity is when percolation

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[–] Diva@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago

I use percolators, I have been outed as a leftcom

they're really good for when you want to make a ton of coffee ohnoes

[–] WoodScientist@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago

What if I make my coffee in an offbrand Keurig-style pod brewer, but instead of buying pods, I use refillable pod inserts?

It's got to be something weird. Wait, goddamnit, am I Juche?

[–] TrashGoblin@hexbear.net 5 points 1 day ago

Wannabe Posadist, but I'm waiting for the aliens.

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

The moka pot being leftcom is very accurate considering how many insufferable leftcoms there are in Italy.

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 13 points 1 day ago

i guess i gotta up my bunker building vivian-shrug

Damn I suppose it does. I have the cheapest $10 drip coffee machine I’ve been using since Covid.

[–] DengistDonnieDarko@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I would defend my good friend Mr Coffee to the death. I also whisper secrets to it in the middle of the night, just in case the CPC truly is spying on me through it's hot plate.

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