this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
45 points (94.1% liked)

Ask Lemmy

35316 readers
1654 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 19 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old

honestly, i ended up wishing they were an only child

[–] stoly@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Yes. My parents would have given me the support and love I needed instead of worrying about the least common denominator. I love my siblings but my life would have been so much better without them.

[–] nicgentile@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

For many years, yes, but, to see that person reach out, apologize, amends and even support me in difficulty changed that perspective. Forgiveness played a major role in healing.

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

I can't answer the question as written, but can from the other direction: I'm perfectly happy to have not had any siblings.

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

Hell yes.

God how nice it would have been to not deal with my brother’s bullshit.

[–] Goldholz@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

Yea but then i wouldnt be the person i am today most likely. But yes the trauma and stress and still having a frontal tooth would be fun

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

No. I have siblings who weren't abusive too.

[–] FridaySteve@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Yeah it would have been nice.

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

To be determined. I probably would have been better off if I was an only child. Maybe better financially planned, but probably not. My folks lack that depth and responsible mindset due to cult like religious dogma. I fully anticipate being homeless within a decade at most. I'll likely end up immobile as my back continues to degrade. I doubt my sister will do anything. We have not even spoken in nearly a decade. She refuses to process the complexities of disability which is reflective of her lack of logical depth. Anyone that fails to understand that a broken neck and back is an injury people do not just bounce back from, is someone too stupid for me to care. A person with two bits of dichotomous depth cannot be expected to hold 8 bits of nuance. Growth of one's registers only comes from within. Negative feedback such as guilt and shaming will never stimulate positive growth. You cannot fix stupid in anyone other than yourself. Only worry about what you are able to change.

Use your curiosity to bootstrap yourself out of blame and dwelling on things you cannot change. You are valid for being hurt. Trauma is like a deep wound. Learning to navigate around it is hard. If you are not careful, you may be stuck in a state of shock that leads to nowhere. Nothing will make the wound go away, but you are capable of coming to terms with the past and living with the scar. Over a very long time you may find that even scars mostly fade away.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

YES! My heinous brother irreparably fucked up my mind & my life. But being an only child would've been its own special kind of lonely torture, I'd rather trade him in for a fun sister we couldve been best friends our whole lives. That would've been awesome.

Fuck yeah. I only have one sibling and they're a narcissist.

[–] the_q@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wish they would have been an only child.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My older brother was almost an only child. China, One Child Policy, you know... Government agents was looking for my mother to force an abortion. In a different timeline, I might not have been born.

I wonder if my older brother, being the only child in this timeline, would've been happier?

Maybe I really was the burden to my family?

[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm the older brother and have two younger siblings. I love both of them. Even when they piss me off, which fortunately is pretty rare. I have a much closer relationship with my youngest brother. Something that I didn't realize growing up is that your younger siblings kind of look up to you, even if they don't know how to say that. If I had known that I probably would have been a little nicer to them.

As an adult, I try to make sure they know they can come to me if they need help. Sometimes I need help too and I know I can lean on them for support.

But, there are lots of people who don't get along with their siblings for one reason or another. If your brother is unhappy, that's not your fault. If he's throwing away an opportunity to have a good relationship with you, then he's a fool.

Love, not blood, is the thing that makes families and holds them together.

As an adult, I try to make sure they know they can come to me if they need help. Sometimes I need help too and I know I can lean on them for support.

Awww I wished my brother was like this 🥺

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

My abusive sibling is older than me, so that thought never really occurred to me. It just was how it was.

That being said, I went no contact as soon as I was able.

[–] etchinghillside@reddthat.com 3 points 1 day ago

Depends where they learned it from.

[–] Lexam@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Do I still have the same parents?

no, I just wish he'd wake up and except his reality