this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2024
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[–] ConstipatedWatson@lemmy.world 76 points 9 months ago (2 children)
[–] shootwhatsmyname@lemm.ee 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)
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[–] airbreather@lemmy.world 47 points 9 months ago

I'm good until I run out, I guess.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 33 points 9 months ago
[–] cactusupyourbutt@lemmy.world 28 points 9 months ago

I dont like this game

[–] MudSkipperKisser@lemmy.world 24 points 9 months ago (4 children)

A little slimy and unconventional but I’m up for the challenge

[–] shootwhatsmyname@lemm.ee 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Oh hey you could monetize this too

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[–] NoIWontPickaName@kbin.social 23 points 9 months ago (2 children)
[–] shootwhatsmyname@lemm.ee 9 points 9 months ago

at least you’re decisive

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[–] SmokedBillionaire@sh.itjust.works 23 points 9 months ago

Finally, my time to shine.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 20 points 9 months ago

I have no idea why situation would cause smoking weed and having sex with sharks to be a matter of life and death but I'm incredibly curious to find out

[–] Bonehead@kbin.social 20 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I'd say pretty fucked, one way or another.

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[–] EndOfLine@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago

Pretty sure my time would be up.

[–] ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml 18 points 9 months ago

I planned for this exact scenario

[–] the_stat_man@lemmy.world 18 points 9 months ago (1 children)
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[–] WarlockLawyer@lemmy.world 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Either I'm a lawyer for warlocks making sure they don't enter tricky contracts with devils, which I assume pays well, or I'm a lawyer and a warlock so will soon have my own TV show.

[–] captainjaneway@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago

Matlock the Warlock.

[–] TechLich@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I guess eternal life through some profane kind of undead cyborg magic... Bad maybe?

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[–] Squidcopter@kbin.social 15 points 9 months ago

I have food and transport, I think I'll be ok.

[–] the_kung_fu_emu@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'm more worried about innocent bystanders tbh...

[–] jerrythegenius@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

emu war ptsd intensifies

[–] ArmokGoB@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Let loose the flaming giant elephants of war

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[–] SecretSauces@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago

I don't know what's in it, but its keeping me alive.

[–] Pepsi@kbin.social 15 points 9 months ago (2 children)

It’s great.

It’s the choice of a new generation.

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[–] MY_ANUS_IS_BLEEDING@lemm.ee 15 points 9 months ago

The cure is worse than the disease.

[–] emmanuel_car@kbin.social 14 points 9 months ago

Well considering I only learnt to drive automatic, it’s not looking good.

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 13 points 9 months ago

Vanth is from Etruscan mythology, a female demon that escorts the dead through the underworld. Generally seen as a helpful guide rather than mean or frightening. So if I can mix mythologies for the sake of a colorful mental image, Hell-Uber across the river Styx, please tip your driver.

On the plus side, I probably don't need much income as a demon.

[–] ImPoopin@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

Guess Im poopin.

[–] lagomorphlecture@lemm.ee 12 points 9 months ago

I would survive just fine as long as you follow my instructions. I can live on a diet of 90% hay with a small amount of species appropriate pellets and a salad every day. I am going to need a lot of room to play and shouldn't be confined to a small cage. At minimum I need an exercise pen as my home base with at least 6 hours so I can run around the house and binky. I should have a box to hide in because I'm easily frightened and I would live underground in the wild. I will do better if you keep my water in a bowl but by all means put it in a bottle if i prefer that. It's better for me to stay hydrated than to try to exist within some ideal that doesn't work for me.

And for the love of God it's a myth that I don't need medical care! I have a very sensitive digestive system and it's a critical emergency if I don't eat for more than a few hours or if my eating slows and my poops get small. So many people say their lagomorphlecture just died with no warning but if they knew what the warnings were and took them to get treatment they would be ok.

I should definitely be soayed or neutered regardless of your society's beliefs about that. Uterine and testicular cancer are very common and I'm unlikely to live past 6bor 7 years old if you don't get me fixed.

I am a very social creature and I should be kept with a bonded mate. If I lose my mate I will become depressed and need either a new lagomorphlecture to keep me company or a lot of your time to help me get through it. It can help me accept the loss if you show me the body of my mate so I can understand and accept that they are gone.

I will provide you with further instructions for my care later on.

[–] TheBest@midwest.social 12 points 9 months ago

Pretty good I think!

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

If knowledge is real and can be applied to anything, I guess I'll be alright

[–] UnculturedSwine@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

I have meat at least

[–] Ibex@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My mighty herd will protect me! 🐐

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[–] TheDarkestShark@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I guess I'll just jump into the nearest body of water, even better if it's at night.

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[–] Sensitivezombie@lemmy.zip 10 points 9 months ago

Staying "alive" shouldn't be a problem.

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 10 points 9 months ago

I guess something is better than nothing.

[–] HotsauceHurricane@lemmy.one 10 points 9 months ago

Can i manifest it as a super power?

[–] Texas_Hangover@lemm.ee 10 points 9 months ago

I'm used to it.

[–] doc@kbin.social 10 points 9 months ago

I'm in GREAT shape. :D

[–] toomanypancakes@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

I'm set for as long as breakfast is overburdened

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I cast spells

[–] otter@lemmy.ca 9 points 9 months ago

Roll around in some kelp and then float away

[–] apfel@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

Well I won't have any problems with doctors I suppose

[–] 20inmyhead@lemmy.ml 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I guess I’m in my twenties forever now‽

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[–] solomon42069@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I'll be fine with the powers of the wizard king of Israel, weed and dinner for two...

[–] 0oWow@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

I'm really impressed at how well I'm staying alive...wow!

[–] NorthWestWind@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

Depends on where I live. I'm dead in the coming summer.

[–] eatthecake@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

I'm pretty happy.

Not happy about this, but present

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