RPGMemes

Scroll of Gorilla Warfare. When used summons 15 gorillas. These gorillas are wild and do not obey orders given by the caster.

Amulet of speak with the dead - cursed. Once attuned the user can speak with the dead, but can only interpret chat with the living as wailing, any attempts to speak with the living will sound like wailing to the other entity. Removing the item does not break the curse.

This sword is enchanted with fire magic!

...The handle is made of super flammable material, though, and a bunch of people got third degree burns trying to weild it. There was a massive recall.

You know what "recall" means, though? Collector's item! These are rare af.

A magical sword that extends, but the longer you have it, the longer the incantation you have to say to get it to extend... Maybe show it some pictures of people cleaved in two, or try stabbing somewhere else to get it going.

Praytell the price on yon banana blade to your left, fair merchant? I find it somewhat a-peeling

Band of Gorilla Repair: Once per day, can repair anything, or rather, will summon 1d4 (can be modified depending on the size of the job) massive gorillas who show up seemingly out of nowhere whenever anything near the wearer breaks or is heavily damaged. The gorillas can repair anything.

Those not expecting to see a bunch of repair-happy gorillas must make a fear check.

These mysterious gorillas are actually friendly and fix whatever thing was broken, but beware, their patience quickly runs out for anybody intentionally causing disrepair or destruction in their presence!

Yeah, it works just like this!

Broom of Flying Yes its a broom that allows you to fly

No one ever said anything about landing The broom cannot come down lower than 30 feet from the ground. Dismounting will stop the broom and allow you to pick it up, as long as your concious from the fall

Bag of holding, but everything that goes in comes out a crocheted plushie version.

Potion of Water Breathing: DOES NOT RETAIN AIR BREATHING

Bag of Communal Holding

Content is shared with all other bags of communal holding in existence. Sometimes retrieving objects involves awkward hand contact if someone else is using their bag at the same time.

Cape of (Refugee) Flight: you gain the power to fly for your life.

Screaming Cloak of Invisibility: you're invisible, but the cloak constantly screams, "HE'S OVER HERE!!!" and tries to give away your location.

The Tax Axe: raises both your taxes and your target's with every swing.

Magic rope - an animated rope that can be commanded to levitate and tie knots. When placed in any container, pouch or pocket, it immediately gets tangled up and take 1d6 minutes per 5ft of rope to untangle. Other objects in the container also become tangled with the rope, and take 1d6 minutes to remove individually, entangled objects are released immediately when the entire rope is untangled.

Magic rope is unable to be cut by any non-magical item.

Headband of miner intellect:

• Forged by a dwarven artificer who lost too many colleagues due to their lax attitude around safety.

• Anyone wearing this headband becomes aware of the quality of air and props for whatever tunnel they're currently in.

• Wearers possess an intrusive urge to find proper protective equipment before attempting a task.

Flaming sword. Only the handle sets on fire.

Cube of instant castle: Say the keyword 'open' to transform this cube into a '200x'200 castle. The transformation happens instantly, and if you're caught in the area of effect, be prepared to get smashed. The cube is hard of hearing.

Sweaty Sword:

Really good sword, strong steel. The handle is wrapped in living leather harvested from the palms of a cursed pervert. It's always slightly warmer than your hand and it exudes a sticky substance that enhances grip. Smells like corn.

Survival Stew Balls:

A fried ball of...food. It's rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it's made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.

Emergency Shews:

Bubble gum that turns into one time use sandals. Once the flavor runs out, you have 30 seconds before the gum expands into shoes. The sizes seem to have been printed on the gum but they've long since faded or rubbed off. Durian flavor.

Dead Cat Bounce:

A black bottle with a cat eye painted on it. If you drink the contents and die due to falling from a great height, you will be revived immediately and launched with equivalent force in a random direction.

Scroll of summon wisp.

When used nothing appears, but you gain a speech impediment for 1d6 days.

Invisibility potion that turns your digestive track and stomach contents invisible.

A potion of True Healing... heals 1d8+2 damage, recipient MUST truthfully answer the next question they are asked. Sell the characters 6, but don't tell them about the truth serum. Let them figure it out on their own.

Boots of Elvenkind... except Elves can hear you.

A bag of holding that contains infinite clowns. Every time it is opened, 1d4 clowns come out. The clowns are useless in combat and attempt to distract, annoy and mock the holder. While this could be used as a distraction, the clowns will follow the holder, drawing attention to them. You could create a table for what kind of clowns you get (mime clowns, pie throwing clowns, balloon animal clowns, magician clowns, etc). The clowns will wander off after 1d6 minutes. Where the clowns go and what they are (Illusions? Demons?) is unknown.

Lembas bread but it's 1000 years past it's due date and you will get diarrhoea equivalent to its food value.

And I'm stealing that idea for my game, and that one, and this one is cool too ...

Bag for holding:

It's a bag of holding but instead of occupying a bag slot it must be kept in the main hand.

Ring of invisibility. Makes you invisible, but makes everyone else invisible to you as well.

Circlet of human perfection, but the creator had a really niche fetish.

Flail of Flatulence: deals an additional 1d4 of embarrassment to the target while dealing 1d4 of gas damage to everything within 6 meters.