Chibleeeee, Chibleeee, I won't see the light of heaven Chiblee. They're telling me I won't walk the Golden Path. The court advisors, they're telling me the Mandate of Heaven passes to the more deserving, Chiblee.
this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2025
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Chapotraphouse
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Alcoholics call this "a moment of clarity"
Hospice workers call this "a moment of clarity"
Elected head of civilian government publicly proclaiming he is beyond saving by the eternal and universal grace of God, LFG! 
definitely what you want to hear from the nuclear button guy
I'm sorry but I find this hilarious. "I'm not heaven bound" is an incredible thing to say as the sitting US president.
Most self-aware thing a sitting president could say while not be self-aware at all…
Very funny all the same.
Folks, I don't think I'm going to break the wheel of Samsara. I think I am bound for another reincarnation in the mortal coil. Very nasty. I have spoken to many, many smart people. Theravada, Mahayana and the other one. They keep saying "Donald, Donald, you haven't accepted the Four Noble Truths, you're not on the path to enlightenment!" and I say "I know, I know, I can't give up the TRUMP STEAKS and the other things".
They keep saying "Posadas, Posadas, you haven't accepted the Four Noble Truths" and I replied "I've accepted Six of them"
"观音, folks. She used to be a man. She used to be an Indian man. Now she's a Chinese bodhisattva. Incredible. They say she perceives sound. But not like normal people. I perceived the sound of the Twin Towers falling that warm September afternoon[sic]. That was the loudest sound I perceived. She perceives all the sounds of the world. Isn't that amazing?"
gets corrected on when 9/11 happened
"Many people are now saying it happened at 3 PM"
3 tangents later
"And whenever I go to Chinatown, I say "do you guys have 观音? I love 观音" and often times they don't. Even the Chinese that do tai chi in the park. They don't have 观音. They should have a huge 观音 statue, but the Democrats don't like her"
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The noble peace prize would have been my pass to heaven. Obama and Kissinger would be going but I won't be allowed in...not without the pass 
what are we going to do Sleepy Joe..Joe? 
Lol 
Trump is forbidden from mid 2010s Reddit heaven
is that paul walker?
LMAO I thought it was that guy from N'Sync who fell out a balcony earlier this year or something. White dudes with frosted tips all look the same to me.
No that’s Billy Mays.
yeah it's paul walker
They put a pedophile in heaven I can't 😭
Wait, he was a pedo?
Yeah he was 33 dating a 16 year old IIRC
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Libs posting this unironically… guaranteed.
Lol Kimbo Slice
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He wants too much. Imagine living the life of luxury he has lived, one with no real moral boundaries, and then lamenting you also don't get another eternal life on top of it. Haven't you had enough? Why do you deserve any more than what you've already had?
It's not like Saint Peter came down to let him know. I think he is saying that he doesn't deserve to get into Heaven (and hence won't), and never will, which is kind of an unnerving thing to say because it suggests effectively a commitment to actions that he himself regards as evil.
While making a bumbling public spectacle of it, Trump is in real time grappling with the theological problem of all well off Christians: They have counted their blessings in this world. It’s why they snap like a rubber band when you point that out. It’s a sore spot for them. So they’re always quick to make a big to-do over their personal persecutions and privations. They all got a story about how they were poor once. Or faced “reverse racism” or whatever token fucking moment in their internal hagiography. A time they lost or gave something up that could somehow justify all the taking they’ve done since.
But the fundamental problem is that that’s still just kicking the can down the road. Quantity does have a quality of its own: as they approach death the aggregate of their lifetime of acquisitions will weigh heavily against the token memory of eating cold chili out of a can for week back in 1972 - an experience of poverty not since repeated in 50 years.
So yeah, it fuckin’ chafes em right in a sore spot. For Trump the contradictions are even more inflamed because he doesn’t remember the misery chili or having a car repoed. He’s always been rich. He never had to fib about past poverty. Probably because being a Christian wasn’t part of his facade until like 9 years ago. Also because he doesn’t really have that same religion-infused sore spot he’s just afraid of death taking away his luxury.
This is also why they tried sinking AOC over her not coming from real enough poverty because she got like grants for college and only bartended weekends or some fucking poverty Olympics BS. Because it pokes that sore spot.
When he's right he's right, folks 
I mean, none of us are going to heaven because the place doesn't exist so while it's a hell of a statement on its face it's also correct by default.
"Folks, in this moment I am euphoric. Not because of any lying radical leftist Democrat god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my very great intelligence, possibly the greatest ever. More and more people are saying it."
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you say you're not going to heaven but you're standing in an aeroplane that's ready to take off 
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Damn not even God is safe from the woke mind virus
He managed to reach grifter's paradise: dying without ever having to face consequences.
Great sign, honestly… Old people tend to get really wrapped up in their own mortality near the end… Especially the ones that were always fairweather religious types.
Gaggles?
It's a perfectly cromulent word.
I think people are being a little harsh to you given how much SimpsonsPosting we have here. if FlakesBongler posted a gif of the cromulent scene nobody would be yelling about it. anyway don't take it personally
I can see how your average Hexbear lacks a noble spirit which would embiggen even the most petty individual smfh
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Replies be like:
Between Tr*mp, his ex-wife, Hexbear posters from hell, and general chumpfuckery, this has been a cromulent fuckcrustable of a day. BelieveRevolty needy drinky. 
i'm hungover and reading your comment made me puke, fuck you
edit: i am not being a jerk i'm sleepy and it was funny in my head
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Using gaggle as a verb is pretty funny.
[The Gaggle] is a blog maintained by Newsweek magazine's political reporters. On their main page, their definition for "gaggle" when used to refer to the Washington, D.C. press, is "a flock of reporters pecking at a politician."
Heh, neat
You're gonna burn in hell!
You know if i thought i was going to hell i would probably try to do something about that
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