Ask Lemmy

It’s hard…

I feel like there's multiple answers to your question and none of them are going to completely satisfy you(ba-dum-tiss)

First and easiest, is addiction. While it's been overused as an excuse for bad behavior some people become absolutely addicted to sex. From the chase to the event. Could be they enjoy conquering or being conquered. And you can't discount the absolute flood of feel good chemicals that go on while the event does. And still there are others who are just addicted to that level of intimate connection with another living human being.

Then we have the psychological and romantic viewpoint that often comes with it. The idea of being desired and desiring. Of being wanted and wanting. And that's a potent psychological trigger for a lot of people. And then on a deeper level you've got that some people this is the most intimate they'll ever be with another person and that's something they don't get to feel very often So when the opportunity or presents itself they want to do that.

And lastly you just have a biological imperative in a lot of people. For some of us are hardwiring screams a lot louder than it does for other people.

I suppose I was pretty horny as a teen. Had most of my life's sex from 16-19. After that my interest waned, and I likewise never really understood why so many people seem willing to throw away their lives for 5 minutes of pleasure. There's more free porn out there than you could watch in a lifetime.

Taking ssri's since my early twenties probably didn't exactly help my libido, but everything still works at the very least.

Every time you try to focus on anything besides wanting to cum your brain redirects you to that desire.

It takes some mental control to stay focused when the horny flares up.

Even if you masterbate, it usually only subsides for a few hours before the intrusive thoughts start popping up again.

The intensity of the feeling died down a lot after puberty was done with me.

It's like a drug. Like when you're around a person you're attracted to and they'll say or do something that triggers shot of chemicals to your brain and all you can think about is how to get more of that feeling, which sucks if it wasn't intentional on their part and they're not interested in you because now you have to fight against basically a drugged state to shut that shit down while trying to be normal around them. Jerking off produces the same feeling but there's something missing that makes it less satisfying than being with another person.

Closest analogy I can think of is hunger, only I am more motivated to satisfy one than the other. Guess which.

Its like when I randomly think "I could really do with a corneto", " I could do with a smoke". "I could do with a shag". Its an implosive thought and like others it doesn't serve much beyond enjoyment.

I've never been inside of a man yet, so I can't answer your question, sorry.

Well, it's hard sometimes.

Imagine being hungry, but instead of wanting food, you want to put your dick in something and instead of your stomach feeling pain, it's your balls.

I can answer this one pretty definitely as I have been on both hormones. Being in a horny spiral as a man has the same pull as being in an emotional spiral as a woman. It's hard to get out of until you fuck/interact with someone that makes you feel better. Men are just as emotional as women, but only with fucking, fighting, fleeing, and feeding (the parts of the brain that testosterone stimulates). Women are just as emotional as men, but with all of the other emotions that men don't usually have to deal with

Sex can be fun, but tbh a lot of it is pretty underwhelming, especially if you don't understand each other, put in some effort or have good chemistry. When my partner and I are on holiday or have lots of free time we often have sex three or four times a day. But that's not because it's always mind-blowing, most of the time it's just a fun thing to do together.

The 'horny man' thing is a bit different. There's a kinda of arousal and drive that isn't really about the objective fun of sex, but the sense of pursuit. There's people I've slept with where the specific sextime wasn't necessarily amazing, but I had a huge crush on them and the feeling of satisfaction from finally hooking up was amazing. For me, that's usually pretty innocent "oh wow, I didn't know they liked me!" , but for some guys it's about perceived status in quite a douchey Andrew Tate kinda way.

There's also the genuine instinctual drive aspect. Times where I've not had sex in a while, and been thinking about it a lot (like visiting a long distance partner) it can make me pretty crazy. Especially if you do edging or orgasam denial, you can end up in a pretty delirious place. When that has built up for a while I definitely get to the stage where I will do super reckless things just to get release. For me, that's never a big problem because I only get in that state through choice, if I'm not planning on having sex with my partner I'll just jerk off and the urgency is gone. But the experience has given me a bit of understanding of why men sometimes do terrible and destructive things because of sex. I can literally feel my brain shutting down, and all sense of consequences disappearing.

Something like this:

The Simpsons - Homer gives Bart advice on women

https://youtu.be/ToTRAhmnxls?t=35

Never change, Lemmy.

Imagine it differs per person, as with pretty much anything about us, a spectrum.

Would say it is mostly about having a real human connection filled with love and the good feels. Instinctual, comparable to how many women feel about 'needing' to have children. Consider it a base requirement for a fulfilling life, like shelter, food, water, air.

Some people appear to have enough loving only themselves in that way (or not at all); perhaps they just have not yet found the right person. Of the many ways to express love, this is one of the most basic.