this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2025
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chapotraphouse

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No more gendered happy meal toys. Because of woke

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[–] blunder@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

McDonald's has a fucking flag lmao

[–] PurrLure@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

There was a school shooting-

While a Ronald Mcdonald clown actor was teaching elementary kids how to eat healthy ancrap

[–] Cybernoot@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Wendy shot the Hamburglar in self-defense but Mayor McCheese is politicizing the incident for re-election.

[–] Aradino@hexbear.net 40 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The ice cream machine is working but the burger machine is not

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago

Burger Machine would be a cool band name and/or euphemism for the US/empire in general.

We're trapped in the belly of this burger machine, and the machine is farting to death.

[–] Commie_Chameleon@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

I fear for the workers' lives

[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

How could a burger place even be open if they can't serve burgers?

[–] Aradino@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] alexei_1917@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

Considering this is in America, that actually tracks. Those people would actually go to a shitty burger restaurant even to order something else entirely.

[–] ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 8 points 1 day ago

The McRib recipe has been lost, all attempts to recreate it from memory have failed.

[–] D61@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Mayor McCheese has died due to cardiac arrest.

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

By order of RFK Jr. all fast food joints which are not frying all of the items on their menu in beef tallow must fly their flags at half staff in shame to warn potential patrons of their lack of commitment to Making America Healthy Again

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

the flags themselves are fried in tallow and that makes them too heavy to stay at the top of the pole

The Hamburgler died of a heart attack.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

They fuckin' merked the Grimace

Just shot him with a 40mm grenade launcher, there was purple shake shit everywhere

The last McDonald's franchise in Russia has been shut down, dealing a blow to the Burger Empire.

[–] BadTakesHaver@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Trump thinks silksong is too hard

[–] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

There has been a school shooting

[–] elpaso@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

The mcondalds flag would be at half mast every day.

So yeah, wrong answer.

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 14 points 2 days ago

ran low on rope

[–] redparadise@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 1 day ago

McDonalds hosts flags like that??

I thought that was a dystopian joke

[–] Runcible@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

the McRib is off the menu

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

last day of mcrib

[–] Bruja@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Seppoland president dropped his burger on the ground.

[–] Mindfury@hexbear.net 7 points 2 days ago

oh fuck, south american coup commencing in 30 mins someone warn them

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

Engine light in the F150 is on

[–] wuphysics87@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 day ago

Birdie flew into a jet engine

[–] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago

McDonalds shutdown their only store in Afghanistan in 2002

[–] allthetimesivedied@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Mayor McCheese has been shot. I’m Walter Cronkite.

[–] 9to5@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

The eagle has landed. I repeat the eagle has landed

[–] reaper_cushions@hexbear.net 5 points 2 days ago

The Hamburglar has pulled off his biggest heist yet.

[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago

Zoe Hamburger leaves McDonalds UK