I can do whatever I want >:(
this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.
With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao
(Also 69th comment 🤙)
Too late, please advise.
Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again
Forbidden suppository
Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business
What, do you think I'm going to put that in my MOUTH???!!
What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!
Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.
First they came for the spring rolls...
Then I came for the spring rolls
And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"
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Literally 1984
Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).
Where else am I supposed to store them?
Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?
Funniest meme of the day.
Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.
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You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.
Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.
What about egg rolls?
Well how else are men supposed to get pregnant? Gotta have an egg to get fertilized.
That's okay
Frozen? Or no?
Only way to get them solid enough, really
The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.
No, wait, that's ears.
The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.
No, no, that's still not right.
The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*
*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.
If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.
You're not my real dad, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!
Can't have any fucking fun anymore, what's next, I'm not allowed to shove croissants up my anus?
Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.
Are egg rolls still fair game though?
Why wouldn't they be?
About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.
The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."
So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.
Worse, he sued and was rewarded some form of compensation because some judge agreed that it is not obvious that pool noodles shouldn't stuck up an ass.
Honestly, what right-thinking, red-blooded man doesn't look at a pool noodle and go "You know what?"
I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard ot argue that it's bad advice.
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