Wish my parents named me something cool like stairdrarc the netherwatcher.
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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The way this is phrased, looks like some dystopian authoritarian government might send as a last warning to a parent
We must never let the crabs know about carcinization, or they will become insufferably egotistical.
Wait, you are capable of taking care of what your child accesses online without the government censoring the internet for everyone??? That's impossible!
Fascists hate this one simple trick!
It's labor doing it in the UK. It's the people who people label fascists saying the internet should be free, at least there. In the US it seems to be the opposite.
Maybe the problem is authoritarians.
Always has been.
Good thing we humans don’t have to actually worry about sea creatures learning to read and using that knowledge to hide amongst you as some sort of secret invasion in your primitive human societies, eh? That’s such a silly thing to think about. Heh…
Evolution is a cruel thing, if they do come out onto land, it will be when the land has already been destroyed after wars for resources and other crap.
Yeah, totally, it’s such a far off possibility, and would realistically never be anything for the humans to worry about, like, at all, and it’s just dumb to think it might have been something going on for the past few decades at least. So silly and ridiculous, absurd really. Anybody saying otherwise is a fool, and if you happen to hear anyone spouting that kind of nonsense please inform me about it immediately. No reason, but please do let me know.
Well maybe if you'd stop destroying all the sugar cats...
'your' primitive human societies?
Our. I meant our, obviously, duh. Our glorious tasty societies. It was a typo, a simple typo. That’s all.
Hmm. I'm starting to suspect you may be a shark in a man suit.
That’s ridiculous. You’re ridiculous. Shut your stupid fucking mouth.
Nice try, shark.
By the teeth of Nanaue, if you don’t shut your fucking mouth I will shut it for you, now stop spouting such ridiculous nonsense before you make even more of a fool out of yourself! Not cool.
Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll
[x] Teaching crabs how to read
click
[ ] Teaching crabs how to read
phew, bullet dodged
FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
The dark magics are not to be revealed to one so young.
If they learn the secret of the crab computer too early, they’ll never be the same.
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I'm not a parent but it must be weird. Hmmm, yes, I think I'm going to establish what is FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
This is so fucking sad
Having some shitty corporation already monitor your children lest they gain the forbidden knowledge and lest the parent would have to spend actual time with their kids.
Forbidden knowledge.... You must forget the crab people....
Taste like crab, read like people
Sounds like something Strairdrac the Netherwatcher would do.
wow...Kaspersky really sucks now, huh?
What do you mean? It's great for russian intelligence.
I believe 'crabs' used to mean an std at some point, but I don't remember which one. And as we all know, sexual knowledge of all kind is scary stuff, so... Oooooh, protect the kids!
Uh, crabs means crabs bruh
Pubic lice.
Public Ice was my rap name in the 90s.
Right, part of Pubic Enemy, weren't you?
Fuck the po’ lice.
OMFG I'm old. Yeah, pubic lice are tiny insects (lice) that live on your junk. VERY itchy, otherwise harmless.
Got 'em once and then they came back a couple of months later. Slept in my dad's guest room after his best friend. Didn't even get laid!
Anyway, once internet porn became a thing everyone started shaving their pubes. That was mostly the end of 'em. Saw a crazy story out of Britain where people were volunteering to host them, keep the species alive for study.
If you catch these rare creatures, like a Pokemon from hell, you need nothing special to kill 'em off. I read the ingredients on a bottle of lice shampoo, nothing more than bug spray (pyrethrins) mixed with shampoo. Shave your junk, mix household bug spray into shampoo, wash every bit of your clothes and bedclothes in hot, soapy water, done. Use pyrethrins! I cannot vouch for any other shit you find in your cabinets!
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I mean, crabs are dangerously enough already with those strong claws, do we really want them learning how to read too? Think about it….
[taps forehead meme]
This design baffles me. If you have your parental software set to block certain things, sure. But why would it need to snitch on attempts to access specific content? If your kid is smart and able to bypass the filter you'd never be notified anyway... So either block it or don't!
And pass such an amazing opportunity to punish a child? And if the search is bad enough, you can even beat them up, isn't that delightful?
Hmm, I do love beating children... At Mario Kart!
Who could have gotten that Strairdrac, the Netherwatcher would seek forbidden knowledge?
Russian spyware.
I mean you are not wrong but also they do do legitimate work when daddy kremlins not making them do butt stuff to unwitting cx.
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Teach the crabs how to read and the next thing you know lobsters will be doing the tango. It's a slippery slope my friends.
Lobsters don’t die due to old age. Instead, they end up at the seafood buffet or die from exhaustion during moulting – the process where they replace their shell due to their increasing size.
https://www.unsw.edu.au/newsroom/news/2022/09/what-lobsters-can-teach-us-about-immortality0
If they read the above then they may figure out to stop moulting and live forever. And imagine the knowledge they could accumulate!
I like to pride myself on being knowledgeable enough to clarify and expand on carcinology topics on Lemmy, but I don't know enough about crab neuroscience to know how effective this would be. I'm sorry, Lemmy.
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As someone who is into this era of retro computing, I'm so glad that there is an incentive to keep producing them at a somewhat okay price!
They are really essential and without alternative, for example for a reinstall.
What
Not sure how my comment got here: It was for the comment about floppy discs still in production.
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