Was the weasel named Ben Shapiro?
this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2025
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What’s to say that this didn’t switch us from a worse timeline?
Best I can do is a microwave and a banana.
Worth giving it a shot.
Hey, I know this reference!
And now, a man with a stoat through his head...
That still doesn't explain how this timeline would come to exist. Reality as it is is still insane, no matter how we got here.
I feel like these thought processes of there being multiple timelines and that somehow we shifted into a bad one really garbage.
As if you just deserve a better world and its by bad unforseen luck that you are stuck in a world that you dont even care about cause its not the one you should be in.
Well I was born here. Ive only been in one life and it was bad from the beginning and i had to do my own work to make it even bearable and its been that way since 95. Reality did change but thats because it always does. Start changing reality to one you like. Dont wait for a weasle to fucking do it.
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I like the (joke) theory that the world was created Jan 1st 1970 and every memory or artifact from before that point is simulated history, since that explains the gradually increasing insanity that's been building up since
Agreed, WWI and WWII were pretty chill. /s
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I know it's a joke, but I mean... there were signs way before 2016 that things were heading in a weird direction.
Something similar happened in 2009: https://time.com/archive/6933968/did-a-time-traveling-bird-sabotage-the-collider/
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That weasel’s name?
Harambe.
The way to return to the correct timeline is simple: Take the dicks out.
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This reality is just us refusing humanity and returning to monke. Every day I think more and more about bananas
You have been opted-out from the apocalypse for entering the correct keyphrase.
If you wish to UNDO this action, TEXT UNDO and the opposite keyphrase to the CORRECT HOTLINE.
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I distinctly remember when they had to shut the LHC down after a bird dropped a baguette on it:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2009/nov/06/cern-big-bang-goes-phut
https://time.com/archive/6933968/did-a-time-traveling-bird-sabotage-the-collider/
Unfortunately I have more belief in humans fucking shit up than I do in accidental weasel hadron colliding.
Also, this says it was in 2016. We were already super fucked by then. I'd be more inclined to believe that we live in a giant simulation that got fucked by the millennium bug.
Not that things were great in 2000, but the point is that 2016 is way too late. It's like looking at water that's just starting to boil, and then being surprised when it becomes a rolling boil.
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Actually, this is the better timeline. We were shifted into the really bad timeline after the cascade failure occurred right after the first test.
The weasel actually saved billions of lives.
Forseen Consequences
The right weasel at the right time can make all the difference in the world
Weasel fried itself on a transformer outside the facility, it didn't jump inside the collider ffs
Maybe it jumped in to the collider, changed the timeline, got out, then got fried making its escape?
Also, I'm no conspiracy theorist, but you are definitely part of the Time Bending Illuminati trying to control my thoughts!! Well, tough, I'm wearing my foil hat, HA.
Was this before or after Harambe's death?
A few months before. Theory checks out.
For what it's worth — and keeping fully in mind this is a meme and therefore not serious — Starfield (crappy Xbox/PC game from the people who made Skyrim) did this. A particle accelerator experiment (albeit involving an alien artefact) caused reality to split apart. So I'm gonna say, it's possible!
In that universe, humans also have FTL travel and colonies on hundreds of planets, yet have mysteriously lost the arcane technology known as “email” and require everything to be done in person.
Also most of the colonies are either one family living alone on a distant space rock, or abandoned military outposts full of an inexplicable amount of space pirates, and somehow the two rarely interact.
And humans didn’t destroy earth with climate change, instead the FTL drives they invented blew away the atmosphere… somehow. Yet this is a secret protected by big engine or some shit, because every other habitable planet still lets everyone use their FTL drives near the planet anyway.
God that game sucks.
have FTL travel...yet have mysteriously lost the arcane technology known as “email”
To be fair, you do realize how many meetings happen today that could have been emails. That's just the interstellar social equivalent
Yes it does.
Sometimes I miss the shooting. The best gun in the game is locked behind the pirate quest line, but that's buggy AF. From getting the guards shooting at you for silently KO'ing the guy you're after on the luxury cruise ship to the three beacons you have to protect (pirate side) or destroy (navy side) just not showing up... and the developers having people report these issues on a dedicated issues channel on their Discord and just not caring enough about their game to fix their shit... it sucks. Now I can't even remember what it's called. I just remember pointing at something in my way and clicking or maybe double clicking and it getting erased. Oh yeah. Revenant. Something like that.
Oh yeah, or how the hot Asian pirate chick has this stupidly convoluted maze of a ship and her Captain's Locker always has like 25k credits in it and she does not care if you take it. That was funny to me.
Game absolutely sucks. And it's worse because the developers do not care.
Okay… for the whole e-mail thing, if humanity has access to move people faster than light, but lack the ability to move just information faster than light, it would make sense to have a courier move the information, especially if it’s between two bodies that are sufficiently distant. For context, it takes the Mars rovers between 4 to 24 minutes to receive communications from Earth, depending on the distance between Earth and Mars, and that’s with radio, which travels at the speed of light. In addition, in cases where you’re moving large amounts of data between two locations, it could be faster to simply put the information onto a flash drive and deliver it to whoever you are sending it to. In fact, Alphabet/Google uses this method to move data internally.
This used to be called Sneaker net.
But I mean the real issue is really that it's boring... Nobody cares if it's lore compatible or not.
So the weasel is why we live in the Biff timeline
This just got me thinking how cool it would be to have a game where you come across one of these in disrepair and have to reverse engineer your way to making it work. You’d have a massive complex and lots of nooks and crannies to hide puzzles in. Make it look old and abandoned with overgrowth and I’m even more sold.
Edit: There’s a hidden gem almost exactly like this called Infra. You’re a structural analyst sent in to survey large portions of abandoned infrastructure run by a corrupt governor. Your only job is to take pictures of damage and solve puzzles. Wildly my vibe.
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This is the Inverse Steinsgate worldline where everything bad happens. Covid and climate change are worldline convergence.
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