I think it’s called “outside.”
this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2025
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Believe me, I'm trying. So. F*****g. Hard.
What are your hobby activities that get you out of the house?
Walking (just for fun without the need to get somewhere specific), and to a lesser extent hanging around at modern (read: well-visited) cafes while reading a book. I actually go out quite a lot for someone who has 2 jobs, which makes the quest all the more frustrating.
Find a hobby that allows you to interact with other people. Both walking and reading a book in a cafe are solitary activities unless you make them otherwise.
You can join a walking club, though I think you will find those are typically for people who are older. You can also join a book club.
Once you are naturally getting out of the house and meeting new people with common interests, you will find it easier to meet potential partners who share your interests. But do not go into these situations hunting for a date. Get comfortable with the groups, get a feel for the vibe. Get to know the people, contribute to the group and let them get to know you. Then you can consider whether it's the right time, place, person to approach for a meeting outside the club.
This is a longer term strategy, but I think you will find your results are higher quality.
Apps and meeting people at bars are like closing your eyes and throwing a dart at a board. Clubs and groups that revolve around your interest give you pretense to get to know people and for them to get to know you, resulting in higher quality dates.
Hell of an answer, thanks.
Also, don't be discouraged if you show up to these groups and there's nobody you'd be interested in. Think of this as an investment in your social and mental health. Maybe one of the people in the group becomes a friend and introduces you to someone. Maybe someone joins the group later.
Biggest pro tip: if you have an interest that you want to engage in with other people, and there isn't a club in your area for it (or the existing clubs suck), start your own club.
It's worth adding another spin to this.
Think of it as "product placement" where you are the product. The kind of person you want to meet... where are they spending their time? Wherever that is, you should be there, so they can find you.
Think someone is really attractive when they're doing public speaking? Go to Toastmasters. Really love someone who is competitive but good-natured? Check out a board game group. Want a fit person? Hit the gym.
The key thing, again similar to the other commenter, is to say hi to everyone. It's tough, especially if social activity drains you, but you can make a pattern and habits out of it. Get to know a bunch of people. Make good impressions. When it eventually gets out that you're single, someone will be like, "so I know this person..."
In any case, you're awesome. Good luck finding your awesome other half
Edit: also along the lines of product placement, make sure you're an appealing product: good hygiene, good enough style/fashion, proper social behaviors, etc. Not saying I'm perceiving you having problems with this, but I've seen many people complain about not finding someone when they look, smell, and behave like they've been living in a sewer the past decade.
Support groups work really well. Citation: Fight Club.
Focus on making a good friend group (I know almost as hard as dating). You'll meet friends of friends, which is where all the good dating prospects be in my experience. Friends first, the rest will come.
I don't know of any dating app that respects your privacy, period; that runs counter to what dating apps are about.
Mozilla reviewed the privacy of a lot of dating apps. It isn't very pretty, but there are some that are less bad than others. Article also gives some tips on how to improve your privacy while using them.
Privacy Guides also has a "Reducing the Risks while using dating apps" section in one of their articles.
Side note: I don't think the commenters who are saying "go outside" have really dated in years. Like it or not, it's by far the dominant way couples are meeting now, and unfortunately it's becoming more and more of a requirement in the modern dating scene:
Actually, double thanks. First because I was indeed considering eharmony before I saw its ranking in that page, second because I didn't know anything at all about the 'Privacy not included' series, which apparently covers many other topics such as ShitGPT. I owe you one ;)
Honestly, you just have to accept that your privacy is going to be compromised while using the apps. Everyone tends to gravitate towards just a few apps in any given geographic location. None of those people care about privacy. By not using these apps, you are going to significantly be hamstringing yourself. Like, a lot.
I am someone who met my wife at work in 2000. I did not agree with it, but back then meeting your partner online meant you were very weird and you could expect to be ridiculed for it.
Thanks!!
Caters to heterosexuality? - literally all of them but grindr Respects your privacy/ doesn’t use analytics/ google services - are there any apps left that don’t rely on these?
I’m a trans woman so I’m sure we have very different needs as far as dating goes but ime they’re all variations on the same damn thing. Endless swipe fests
Yep, bots bots bots.
Honestly, bots suck but I can ignore the. Having to ‘prove’ I’m human by scanning my face literally Every. Fucking . Time. I even think about opening tinder is almost worse than just dealing with bots.
The whole concept of an app immediately signals privacy invasion. That's what apps do.
I've met some cool people through craigslist personals (back when they had those). Reddit still has them fwiw.
This is a great point... Don't use apps!
Use the website!
If you really care about privacy... Join a community and harden your set up!
Deny the parasite that data 🐸
You're not going to find an app that doesn't use analytics. It's unreasonable to expect someone to build / run a service for users with no idea how it's actually functioning for them. To any app using Google Analytics, you are only one of hundreds of thousands of anonymous data points; get over yourself or buy a burner phone if you're that concerned about some upstream data broker knowing that ::gasp, shudder, horror:: you were on a dating app and ::shriek, cower, cry:: maybe targeting a romance-related ad to you.
If you can get past that, I'd suggest https://datefirefly.com/ - it's independent and trying to rebuild the old OkCupid kind of experience before Match Group bought OkC and drove it into the ground.
Or if you're in / near a city, try speed dating groups or see if there are matchmaking services with a good reputation.
It's called 'a social club near you' and can be anything from tennis, climbing, hiking, even binge drinking. In all seriousness though, for an app like that to be profitable, i.e. for someone to build it, there'd have to be a (relatively) high subscription fee. Since everyone wants every app to be free, the apps that try that business model typically fail. Plus you get a chicken/egg problem, everyone wants to log into the app and see lots of opportunity, which won't exist for sometime given the literal paywall.
Well, I'd be more than glad to pay for privacy, but you're right that it's a 'bad' business model.
You can't say Google like that or the Google will just read it and list it on Google.
Next time try using periods between letters to trick the Google. Like this
G.o.o.g.l.e.
The Google can't see it when you type it like that.
Eharmony? Somebody posted the ~~same~~ similar question a week or so ago. I read that it was a paid service and you can be as specific about your dating preferences as you want.
I would check it out but… SO is sitting next to me so….
Thank you! A Friend of mine met her SO there indeed, but I've lost contact with her over the years AND somehow the app name registered in my brain as 'Blueharmony' which of course didn't yield any search results.... As stated elsewhere, I really don't care about paying.
That might be the better option currently if people in your region use it. Used to Christian only IIRC? Doesn't seem to be anymore. I miss OKCupid before the buyout.
This post doesn't have anything related to AI but why it still got many downvotes?
Apparently, too many people got offended by me using the word 'heterosexual' (take a peep at a particular exchange below, it's a joy to read). The reason I was specific is that there are apps which specifically cater to non-heterosexuals, something I made clear in a comment that was also heavily downvoted.
I suspect that it seems like an odd thing to feel the need to specify. Most of the world caters to heterosexuals. The existence of some dating apps that target LGBTQ subgroups is unlikely to have thrown off any recommendations you would have gotten. “You want privacy and to avoid google? You need Grindr or HER”
Don't date.
Maybe I'm just a lonely pessimist, but I imagine the Venn Diagram of 'I'm ready to date' and 'I'm super privacy focused' is just OOP.