Ask Lemmy

What is this 'society' nonsense? You can express your desires and feelings without having to explode, that's the solution. And when you eventually do, because you're human and mistakes will happen, apologise profusely and understand "the work" is not yet done. Also whatever you propose is not only a denial of your own humanity, in vain and for your own detriment (and immature too, which is not a good look!), but also the kind of things dudes try before they shoot up churches and festivals.

You are human, after all, a social animal. You're gonna have to open up as calmly as you can when the situation calls for it, instead of not saying anything because you don't feel brave enough to be vulnerable (maybe you feel like the people around you will only misunderstand you and make it worse?), so resentment doesn't add up in the background and you don't end up exploding. And I'm not just preaching here, I'm speaking from experience!

It’s not just about mindfulness or not being negative. It’s addressing your concerns / whatever is upsetting you early. It’s ok to be negative, what’s not ok is letting resentment build till you pop because you never address anything that’s bothering you

The people commenting on here are unhinged. Clearly a lot of "I was treated poorly by my boss so you should deal with it too" energy.

I saw someone imply it couldn't be bad unless you were being physically threatened with a knife at work. Ive seen people say you should just say how you feel when you feel it, but that won't change the main problem here which is that its not okay for a supervisor to treat people poorly.

Nothing you change about yourself will change your supervisor. People quit managers not jobs, in most cases. It wouldnt be unreasonable to look for other work or to request a change in supervisor/team.

I get on GTA or Just Cause 3 and start blowing shit up.

Don't take advice from neutrotypicals.

Coping skills. It’s fine to get pissed and you may have a strong sense of justice and need to keep things even and explosions bring things back into equilibrium. A lot of “not exploding” on people can be addressed by what you do ahead of time, giving yourself escape routes, and learning new behaviors to replace explosive ones. These can be alternative activities that are incompatible or functionally just better ways to address situations.

-Identify what happens before you explode. How do you feel, what are you thinking, is it the location, people, etc?

-Time out from that moment until you come down from wanting to take people’s heads off.

-Use strategies that you find to calm you down. Some people go for walks, use stress balls, fidgets, chew gum, color, play a game. I know this will vary wildly depending on your location and what’s acceptable. The point is to find some alternative for a few minutes or even during higher stress that you can do.

-Increase activities that bring you joy. Again these don’t have to cost money and may vary depending on your interests.

With out most respect - is there any chance that you are one of the people who is so hang up on being nice that they never think about other people?

https://youtu.be/g7RAPS8mE94

You have to do something physical. Run, do some intense workout with cardio and weights, wail on a punching bag. Maybe all 3.

Let your brain focus on something that isn't words in your head, and exhaust you physically, and you'll quickly learn how inconsequential other people's petty BS really is in the grand scheme of things.

Journaling has helped me in the past.

Without having your specific details hard to tell...

But I will drop my two cents. Don't be a social retard and rage at people esp after holding something back.

Handle things as they come. If somebody doesn't like it they can get fucked. You will notice over time that people who don't like you bringing up your concerns as they happen usually were there to fuck you over.

Authority doesn't like to be challenged and this is one of the tactics used by authority to suppress reasonable discussions. Then when pleb explodes, it is his fault.

Not sure if this is applicable to you but if youa te dealign with somebody in position of authority given this some thought.

Have you tried just not exploding? Like, maybe turn your emotions off so that instead of exploding in rage you just feel a vague annoyance? It's called alexythymia, and I highly recommend it; it makes shitty things much easier to deal with.

You are not your thoughts, nor are you your emotions. You are the observer of those things. Somebody presses your buttons, but it is your choice whether or not those buttons fire. For example if a child said some hurtful things to you, would it have the same impact as an adult? I should hope not. What is stopping you from viewing somebody as a child, especially if they are acting like one?

In addition to cardio, try breathing and cold water. Always breathe through your nose, even when running. Try to breathe through your nose as a cold shower takes your breath away. Or go for the full ice bath. An ice bath tells your body (the producer of anger emotions and chemicals), “hey, I’m in control here, you are not good at assessing threats”. The mind follows the breath, or the breath follows the mind.

But if I’m being honest I’ve always had a hot temper, and what is really helping me is Lithium. It allows me to observe anger without being overwhelmed by it.