The whole "we're a family" motto. I never understood why this is a thing and why it should be a thing. There is no job that I've ever been comfortable getting that attached to.
this post was submitted on 09 May 2025
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"Department / Corporate Retreat"
As in, "we're holding our annual corporate retreat next Wednesday! It'll be offsite, you're all required to be there, and we'll be spending the day having a 6 hour meeting about absolutely nothing, just like we do every year. But dont worry, when we're done we'll play a game no one wants to play, or do a craft no one wants to do, but everyone will pretend they enjoy it because if they don't, they're not 'team players.'"
This year, our day-long-nothing-meeting was about how management is working to secure everyone's jobs despite budget cuts, and we have nothing to worry about. Then we took a personality quiz that said I was a character from Stranger Things. Then the next day, they told me I'm getting laid off and have 3 months left at the company.
Fucking RETREATS are so relaxing.
Dude, you've said the same exact thing 3 times.
Sounds like a meeting.
Anything they use to replace the word "layoffs".
Rightsizing
More from the sales types but saying 'value added' is the same as saying greedy mark up.
not really corporate, but (as far as i know) it was brought into existence due to corporations: "unalive"
MVP - as in “minimum viable product”
More commonly known as the slop of a product or solution that’s being slinged to all the markets early on without adequate documentation, support, usability, scalability, standards or security.
“Corner the market” also deserves a disgusting mention.
Especially if the MVP ends up with a lot of scope creep for features that are not MVP
Can we "just double click on that" for a second?
shudders
Ew.
What would a linux user say for this?
"Can we just dot slash that then chmod plus x that semicolon dot slash that for a second"
I had a visceral reaction to this. If you've heard this in real life, my deepest sympathies.
“We work hard and play hard” makes my skin crawl. Also, had a manager who would describe every situation with a war analogy. Sorry Bob, this is Finance, we’re not literally killing each other. Take it down a notch.
I work hard and I play hard. Not here to play.
“You don’t have a sense of urgency to get things done”. I usually get this when I’m going crazy to get things done so my status reports and presentations suffer. I understand paperwork is necessary, but can’t you at least say that rather than claiming I’m not getting things done. Meanwhile they’re satisfied with my sends of urgency to get things done if I just ignore my work and pamper them with status reports and PowerPoints.
Leadership at the company I work for started saying "let's double click that" to mean let's go into more detail on that topic. Hate it.
Also "let's take this offline" which just means let's have a different meeting about it, it'll still be online because we're all remote.
The first one is an Abomination unto Nuggan. I'm OK with the second one being used in a meeting to divert a topic that needs covered but is getting off tack.
In my experience, “take this offline” means they don’t want to have the discussion in front of present company.
For example, mentioning anything less-than-ideal in a meeting in front of large groups. It’s basically a thinly veiled way to control morale through selective information.
I guess it depends on the company, so far mine it's just making more meetings but keeping the current one focused. I'm fine with that, just hate the expression because it only makes sense if the follow up meeting was in person but we're all remote
Oh snap I should have read more comments before posting about "double clicking". I hate it.
I've been hearing "velocity" a lot recently and that also makes me cringe.
Do you have a better way to phrase it? I usually see this to mean “focus on this topic rather than get distracted. We can discuss that later” … or I guess that’s a better way to phrase it
Let's take that offline perhaps better as let's discuss that separately/later.
Double clicking should just be something like "to go into more detail" or something. I get why it happens, easy and quick to say, i just find it so irritating.
Before “double clicking”, it was “drill down”. That was no better
I really wish they'd use drill down instead
let's discuss that separately/later
That can come off as, "Not now dumbass." The new slang comes off as, "Yeah, needs covered, and we will, but not now."
As always though, it's all in the tone.
I had one retail manager who constantly kept using "moving forward" for everything. It was so freaking grating!
I hate that I've learned to censor myself around these soulless void-skulls by replacing "problem" with "challenge." No, I don't "solve problems", because to acknowledge something as a problem is negativity we just don't need here at Emperor Clothing Inc! I "tackle challenges"!
It's so freaking goofy and they just eat it up. Everything needs some sort of business-positive spin or they lose their minds and think you're not being a "team player."
Collaboration. I have never worked at a single company that wanted people talking or collaborating on the work floor, or even when sharing a cubicle, let alone listen to any suggestion us peons had to offer. They keep using it as an excuse for RTO.
'contextual knowledge'
this gem was put forward in all seriousness when the data didn't support the claims in the report: "it's not in the numbers, but we have a pretty good sense that this is true"
"vibes"
Let's take it offline
My thoughts exactly...Every time I walk by the door that says "server room."
when they give thier non-apology apologies.
Let's circle back.
Please socialise the requirement throughout your teams
Referring to people, staff as resources. Nice and dehumanizing.
I've heard "human capital" before. The soulless fucks make others a commodity by stripping the mere mention of their existance of its humanity.
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