Ask Lemmy

Debates are almost never about changing the other person’s mind; they’re about reinforcing your own beliefs. The participants rarely change their minds, but the witnesses - readers, viewers, listeners, etc. - can be influenced. To admit that you’re wrong would be to admit that your view is the weaker one. This is why “debates” about issues such as human rights are pointless and only serve to platform and promote oppressors and abusers.

Because people go into these debates online to prove themselves right. They have no intention from changing their opinion from the begining. They only want to prove the others wrong. They have already a defense build up that discredits whatever others says. They don't care about communication or understanding others they only care about representing their opinions the best way possible. Worst part, the harder they "lose" these debates, the deeper their believes in their opinion grows as they feel the need to defend their believes.

As a tip, if someone wants to debate you on a topic, don't engage or engange in a communicative & cheritable manner trying to understand them and why they hold their believes. Try to move their opinions a little from their side "I get exactly what you mean, but how abou this and that. Have you considered these possibilities?" Let them reach the right conclussion and not you force them into a conclussion. I know it's way harder than just straight up debating them but way more productive if you truly care about a topic and want to engage with them in a debate.

I think it's two things.

1. Tribalism and identity play a large role here, we're wired to defend our identity and that of our group so we naturally get defensive when those things are questioned.
2. We have cultivated a culture in which being wrong or changing your mind about this stuff is weakness or makes you a bad person.

People are desperately afraid of being wrong, of admitting that they made a mistake, especially one that makes them question their tribe's values because that combines shame and judgement with the possibility of being ostracized.

Personally I've always tried to cultivate a willingness to be wrong because I value having the best possible information more than not being wrong or questioned. I actively seek our situations where my core beliefs and opinions are challenged and tested, where I am exposed to new ideas and perspectives, because to me that is the only way to make sure I have an accurate and well informed worldview. But it definitely took a lot of effort to quash that gut reaction of 'fuck you don't question me'.