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I think it's two things.
People are desperately afraid of being wrong, of admitting that they made a mistake, especially one that makes them question their tribe's values because that combines shame and judgement with the possibility of being ostracized.
Personally I've always tried to cultivate a willingness to be wrong because I value having the best possible information more than not being wrong or questioned. I actively seek our situations where my core beliefs and opinions are challenged and tested, where I am exposed to new ideas and perspectives, because to me that is the only way to make sure I have an accurate and well informed worldview. But it definitely took a lot of effort to quash that gut reaction of 'fuck you don't question me'.
It’s been less than a week since I last publicly admitted to being wrong about something. Not only did I get called ignorant for being wrong in the first place, but even more so for admitting it.
I also agree with your point about pressure-testing your own beliefs. Whenever I’m debating someone, it’s as much about trying to influence their beliefs as it is about letting them test mine. I know I’m wrong about plenty of things, and I don’t want to stay wrong any longer than necessary. If there’s a flaw in my reasoning, I want someone to point it out to me in a way I can’t ignore.
It’s painful to be proven wrong - I’m not immune to that either. It stings. What I don’t understand, however, is why, instead of simply leaving the discussion, some people start making excuses, redefining terms, rewriting history, or attacking me personally based on beliefs I often don’t even hold. That kind of behavior just seems absurd to me.
I’m usually not someone who picks sides easily, but I think the Russian invasion of Ukraine is a rare example where it’s pretty clear to me who the good guys are (though I’m open to counterarguments). Even then, if someone pointed out that Ukraine has committed war crimes too, I’d say that’s almost certainly true - but it doesn’t change how I feel about Ukraine broadly when compared to who they’re fighting against. My worldview isn’t threatened by admitting that. I genuinely struggle to understand the perspective of someone who can’t do the same.
One nice thing about being willing to admit that you're wrong is when other people make a big deal about it you can say something like 'Look, I apologized and I said I would do better in the future, are you trying to accomplish something with all this endless harping on a resolved issue or are you just still stuck on how upset you were that I'm fallible just like everyone else?'
Right, exactly. I care more about having the correct information than I do about being seen to be right. Honestly I don't find it painful to be wrong unless it's something I defended eagerly and resisted being corrected on, which does happen sometimes, but most of the time I can just shrug and go 'My bad, but at least I've learned something here today.'
Because some people over-correct in resisting being wrong until they have to be right all the time.