Store important telephone numbers on your phone. No need to do a google search everytime you call your doctor/dentist/mechanic/whoever.
this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2025
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But I might want to not use this doctor for my yearly specialty visits for the first time in over a decade!
Whacking off
Analog masturbation just hits different. Or so I've been told
Personally I prefer the full range of motion offered by analogue.
How does one do that online?
Look up The Handy
You haven't seen the latest chatGPT update?
Watch videos of OPs mom
Porn
Think.
- Store passwords.
- Gaming. Some of it at least.
- Socializing
Store passwords.
I gotta disagree. It's much harder to do this well offline. Losing access to a password database would be detrimental, so it's not something I recommend doing purely locally.
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Translating and dictionary, see the app Aard 2, you download Wiktionary in your preferred language (hoping it's available) and it's all in your phone.
Chat
I can't shout loud enough for people 900 miles away to hear me
Practice, practice, practice.
Not sure about 900 miles, but you can avoid shouting by..
learning sign language and lip reading and get a telescope.
learning morse code so you can use blinking light.
learning smoke signalling.
Get a pigeon or 2.
Buy a plane ticket (but buying a ticket offline the day of is suspicious)
I only buy my plane tickets at the airport on the day of travel with handfuls of cash pulled from a carrier bag while wearing a blood-stained shirt. I punctuate that start of every sentence by slamming my first on the desk and the end of the sentence with "goddamnit".
I bet you aren't picky. Just the next flight out of the state is fine.
Why would you think that?
SLAM "If I do upgrade to Business, will I be able to recline my seat without interrupting the person behind's meal?" SLAM "And is The Grand Budapest Hotel still available onboard or do I need to download it first, goddamnit?"
I did