Asklemmy

well i think most of us were born here.

did they stop teaching evolution in schools

Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started, wait The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool Neanderthals developed tools We built a wall (we built the pyramids)

Crying and covered in blood.

Because if we were all somewhere else, you would be asking the same question about that place.

“This is rather as if you imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in — an interesting hole I find myself in — fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for.”

If my mother's weird religion is to be believed (it's not), we chose the earth out of a list of planets. And we'll get to choose again when we die.

Also Jesus is an alien now. Doing Jesus things in the Andromeda galaxy or some shit.

There was a hell of a party called The Big Banger. Shit was poppin. Everything was created, from things, to location for those things to exist in, to time for those things to change through. It was really tight and hot, but as more space was created, things were able to calm and cool down, giving the opportunity for organization rather than pure chaos. After a really long time, things started to gather together because of gravity.

As things accumulated, they created large bodies. If enough things accumulated in one body, they would start to make newer more complex things and light! However, there's a limit to how complex things can be made through gravity squeezing things together. When that limit hits, the body explodes. The force inside the explosion is so powerful, that is was able to make things more complex than gravity was able to. And, through the explosion, all these things get spread out. With the passage of more time, that stuff starts to accumulate again.

Since it's so spread out, most of it accumulates in the middle, but some accumulates around it. It creates these cool discs of celestial bodies that lap around a huge central body. The central body, being so big, starts to make it's less complex things into more complex just like before. This gives off light again. The smaller bodies doing the laps get pretty hot on the inside, but cooler on the outside. This creates a cyclic pattern of things moving about and mixing within the little bodies. With everything getting all mixed up and receiving light & heat from the central celestial body, the opportunity for the most complex things is present. Eventually, the perfect conditions are arise, and the things start to organize just to organize! Yep, that's right. Things become autistic.

While things organized, their strategy is random. The ones that are best at organizing for their environment, continue to do so, while the ones that suck just don't anymore. Through this competition of developing the best strategy, more complex things develop. At some point, one of the things begins to use the light from the big body as energy to become so complex, it can unify with other complex things, making a multicomplex things! This process continued until those things develop the capacity to have excess energy, plan, and alter their environment to help them organize even better, even if it is at the expense of other things just doing their own thing. But, it works out overall because it creates a massive system. At the peak of organization, the things release the Belgian techno-anthem Pump Up the Jam. After that (you are here ❌), they purposely destroy their environment since they reached the peak of organization and complexity, and just slowly let everything become chaotic and random until there is so much space, that time becomes meaningless.

A long family tradition.

I teleported in from v̷̡̢̨̧̡̡̧̧̡̧̢̧̧̢̡̢̡̨̧̢̢̨̢̡̛̬̼͉̣̣͎̯̱̗̞̞̦̦̟̩̳͚͍̗̤̘̪̤̤̟̠̜̟̲̻̪̮̼̥̱͚̮͓͇̩̻̙̥̹̮͉̺̮̳͈͚̖̝̟͕͇͈̝̮̥͍̟͉̦̙̟͉̗͖̜̫̪̤͓̤̤̠̗̭̥̰̺͖͔̮̲̫̯̳̺̻̗͇̘͔͕̟͈̙̘̰̙̥̥͖̖̦̝̝̣̤͔͎͔̭͕̘̪̟̜͙̭̝̜̲̬̤̥̥̫̼̗̜̬̘̥̳͇̹͙̱̺̘̙͖̖͓͇͓̺͕̭̙̘̰̻̮̬̳̳͔̖̞̺̳͔̳͕̥̠̟̟̣̥͎̜̟̞̥͔̞̳͈̘̳̬̟̰̣͎͙͎̖̞̥̮͚̺̘̰̻̱͎̪̻̥͇͈͍̠̩̬̘͉̻͕̹̇̓͛̉̃̋͗̉̽̃́̿̒͐̂̽͗̏̀͊͊̍͒̄͗͑̓͒̈̉̿͛̃́̑͋͗̂͛͐͌͑̄͋̈́͂̓̓͑̀͋͌̔͗͛̎̏̃̆̈̅̅̚̚͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅx̴̨̨̛̛̛̛̛͍̲̪̘͙̻̹̱̯̰̜̪̩̻̞͔͓͓̘̙̮̱̱̯̺̲̗̰̜͙̗͈͇̗̄́̇͑̆͋͂̾̍̀̀͒͂̅̀̉̏̓̾̍̿́͋̀̍̌̓̽̓̽̈́̅͛̓͛̌͐̽̈́͛͊͗̍́̿̈̏̇͂̅̋̓͂͛̓̊͆̓̏͗̂̿͂̎̽̂̾̊̈́͒̾̿̌͒͊̀͒̉̔̏̍̈́̑̈́̀̀̅̃̋́̔̆̽̑̌̈́͒́́̑̏̿͛̈́̽̎̊̏͒̐͆͗̽̋͆́̿͗̈́̏̃̄̋̐͑̌͑̽̀̒̽͊͂̋͋̔͊͐̀̿̓͑̾͋̊̈́̃͊̅͐̎̿͋̇̇̂̽͛̋̈́̔͒̔̊̿͛̄͆̈́̌̀͂͋̋̄̌̂̽͌̈́̅̀̓̀̀́̎̃͐͆́͆̎͐̀̅̅͌̀͐̌͑̂̍̇͘̕͘̚͘̕̕͘̚̕̕̕̚̕̕͘͜͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͠z̷̢̡̡̨̧̡̨̢̧̧̨̢̡̧̧̢̠̮̙̪̰͔͖̤̗̪͕̗̜̜̱̮͖̭͖̪̞̼͕̘͓̦͔͈͖̩̮̰̜̪̦͍̘̗̞̘̦̙̲̲̘͔̫̠̹̹͈̖̺̮̞͙̗̹̖̬̝͖͚̣̤̬̘̠͉̮̱͍̘̹͔͚̮̭̦͈̹̹͔͖̻͍̩͓̠̬͓̤̻̠̜̙͙͈͍̦̺̬͈̰̝̤̬̦̫̤̦̰̤̪̠̬̭͖̖͎͕͚̺͕̟̗̱̭͈͈̻̳͚̖̭̯̜̞͉̦̤̘̮̞͖̩̗̟̭͉͉̫̝̝̪͖̤͔̫̝̎̂̍͜ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅz̴̢̢̡̨̡̨̢̡̡̨̨̛̛̛̛̤̬̥̬̦̳̩̖̲̫̖̣̟̥̭̰̙̥̺̠͉̝̠̝͈̬̤̗͍̰̬̼̜͍̟͙͙͙͕̩̣͔̯̙̜̟̘̬̩̬̙̘̜̫̘͇̫͚̞̰̙͇̖͈̖̝͓̞̞͎̤̤̜̺̲̮͈̮͇̦̱͇͎͇͚͚̬̬̖͇̜̙̤̣̙̮̱̙͚͍̩̗̼̬̮̭̙̻̬̞̗͚̱͚͇͔̠͉̱͎̳͕͈͔̙̥̥̰̪͈̞̣͖̱͉͍̹͚̥͆͛̀́͑̊͌̌͋̄̀̔́͑̇̔̄̐͐̆̊̑͂̆̀͐̓͑̈́̓̀͌̉͊̅̍̍̃̋̃͌͒̿̋̊̈́͌͑̌̉͌̈̾̑̀̋̇̑̏̃̎͛̈́̿̍̈́̐̒̂̆͂̽̈́̾͊̓͛̍͊̌̐̒̍̽̀̉̽̇͊͗̓̑̽̊̿͑̿̎̓̏͂̈́̀̑̊̓̃͑̀̅̾́͗̽̇͋̉͋͋͗͛̋̽̔̈́̉̾̒̾̋̂̀̀͐̊̀̉̏̄̑̾͐̆͂̀͊̾͒͊̓̒̊̍̄̈́̈́̌̾̊̍͋̐͋͛̄̋͐̉͗̓́̌̏̈́͂̓̌͆̌̀̀̏̅͒̔͒̂̆̽̃͊̀̇̓̀͊̈́̉́͐͒͂͌̎̋̆̎̀̔͒͊͊̒̋͊̕̕̕̚͘̕̕̚̕̕͘̕͘̕̕͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͠͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͠ͅͅͅǧ̵̡̢̢̧̧̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͇̺̖̙̼͔͇͙͕̝̞̙̫̯̺͖̤̩̤̦̜͚̹̠̳̝͔̮̳̝̙͇͖̥͓̥͈̳͔̙̦͚͙̞̗̦̮̙̠̠̞͇̞͖͍͚̠̘͍͉̣͕̟̤̳̥̳̲͕̣͚͚̌̏̽̈́̈͌̊͂͒̂͗̓͗̒͐̇́́̀̐̏̃̀͌̉̐̀̓̍͌̂͌͂̀͗̿̉̉̄̂̅̒̌̊͛̑̽́̒͐̔͒̂̋̆̅̋̂̒̋̐̇͛͊̀͊͐̓͂̽̾̑̈̽͛̌̒̓̌̽͋͐̂̍́͗́̓̎͊̃͐͐̾̾̐̾̂̈́͆̔̓͆̃̿́͋̈͒̑̍̈̓̄̋͋͛̊͆̈́̔̆͒̇̅̌̋͗͐̿͑̈́̉̈́́͊͂͆̽̈́́͋͑́̃̆̄̑̓͊̋̀̈̅̌͐̅̆̓͑̓̒̑̾̄̈́͌͋̂͆̋̾̿͊̇͂͒̀̌̎͗͑̋̿͂̐̂̃̅̇͋́͐́͌̆̂̾̓̈́͑̔́̇̈́̅̌͋͒̓̀̿̈́͋͌̂̊͐́͊̈́̄́͑͛̀̏͆͒̔͊͑͂̓̚͘̕͘̚̚̚̚͘̚̚͘̚̚̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝ͅͅb̷̨̡̧̢̨̢̡̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̲͕̟̥̮̬̙̻̱̗̹̬̳̦̤̦̯̣̻͇͙̼̺̤̭̩͕͎̝̻̱̣͓̱̳̟̼̱̙̦͇̮̠̲̞̳͍̼̗͎͙̣̫̠̠̥̬͎̭̮̣͖͇͉̤̰̹̣̰̲̰̪̻̯͍̬̙͕̦̘̞̜̦͙̳͎̹̻̥̭̯̝̮̳̩̩̺͗̽͊̋̑̏͋̎̆͊̽̐͊́̽̀̌̀̊͒̒̽͆͋͑͆͆̋͋̊̊͛̑͌̓̋̇͒͗̈́́̈́̽̐̑̔̋́̈́̄̈́̈́́̒̅́̇̅̑̋̅͒́͆̃́̌̒̂̅̉̒̒̀͗͊͑̌̋̆̀̈́̂̈́͊̌͘̚̚̕͘͘̕̚̚͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅͅͅr̷̡̛̛̮̦̞͓͇̼̟͇̺͙͙͉͌̇̓͂̀̈́̇̆̐͑͐̍̊͆̂́̓̔̾̿̐̌͌̿̅̆̌̈́̋̊̓̎́̑̈́̀̓̇̎̃̀̃̅̃̌͊͌́̃̎̈̈́̐̒͊́̐̇̑͗̽̅̋̏̑̋̑̌́͗́͂͌̓͆̾̀̉̅̂̒̿̅͆̇̆̌̋͋̽̄̔̈́̔̈́͛̈́̓̍́̀͂̓̉͋̌̆̾̌̈́͒̎̉̿̀͒̿͗͗͒̓̏́̎̈͊͛̔̿̓̌͛͆̈́͛̇̈̀̓̏̓́̉̚͘̚͘̕̚̕̕͘̕̕͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝t̵̢̢̢̢̢̡̧̢̡̢̡̡̧̢̡̡̛̗̱̟̦̻͕͓̭̰̺͔̲̼̟̲͖̬͉̗̫̺̜̠̱͙͍͎̼͙̭̘̩̠͔͕͙̜̣̦͉̦̮̰̞͇̺͔͔͎̥̞̩͎̹̘̯̯͈̟̩͙̘̭̤͇̦̙̱̣͓͉͎͖̦͚̞̲̬͔̙̻̦̺͙͇̗̖̼͈̱̗̺͖̖̗̮̯̜̜̯̻̻̠͖͖̰͖̤̬̣͔̪̭͇̪̯͚̫͓͔̞͙̘̘͚͎̜̼͈͈̞̼̜̠͓̦͎̹̱̭̳̭̱̠͉̦̤̞͚̯̣̹̭̲̮̤̱͕̭̰͖͔̠̹͈̠̫̬̤̭̲̹͍̩͎͕̰̞̮̻̳͈̥̫͙͉̝̱̪̙̳̖̻̫͕̹̣̙̟̩̙̄̀͑̍̋͌̉̎͗̃̊̌͌̈́̎͂͌̉̔̈̄͐͋͛͆͒̑͐̊̀͗͒͂̋͗̈͑̊̀̃͒̓̓̏͒͛̃̃̔̈́͗̿̋̑̅̄̍̓͛̈̆͊̍̿̂̌̊͛̆̾̽̉̆̇̐̽̉̏̿͐͆͊͌́̒̒͋̈́͊̎̈͒̌̈́́̀͂́̋̈̏͘͘͘̕̚̕͘͘̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͠͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅv̴̧̧̡̡̧̨̧̨̡̡̨̧̡̨̢̧̨̡̨̢̨̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̱̣̠͔̱̝̣̖̦̙͇̠͔̻̙͖͚̜͓̖̳̲̣̫̥͖̪͇̥͎̖̻͖͚̱̱̼̩͓̬̘̭̩̘̟̤͍̖̬̥̣͔̰͚̤͙̬̜̥͕̺̳̝͚̲̩̙͍̱̘̤̥͉̮͙̠͙̞̦̬̻͚̹̭̣͉̪̥̮̪͕̩̟̳͔̖̭͉̜̝̩̣̭͍̹̟̰̳̗̫͖͉̠̥̖̱̭͔̟͈̼͈͓̯̲̞̱̬̩̞͇͕̻̰̙̘̫̦̙̬̯͎̝̻̙͙̱̞͍͙͇̺̰̣̲̹̹̝͚͓̩͖̝̥͙̫̳̲̟͙̤̦͇̗̻̮͖̖͉̹̟̲͎̤̱̝̞̲͔͔̲̰̞͚̮̮͉̳̮̰͙͍̰͙̩̜̟̙̗̜̠̘̗̺̦̦̲̹͔̱͔̱̲̫̝̘̘̱̻͍̠͉͎̝͙͖́̐̉̾̇̃̆͒̐̆̉͗̂̐̄͊̈͌̐͂͐̿̀͌̏͛̆̎͗̍̐̾̏̎̃̏͌̉̒̄̄̀̐̓̊̽̓́̂̓̑̀͌̐̈̾͂̅͂͐̓̌͋̍̒͌̅̏̄̏͂̄͐͛̌̔̆̓̀͆̃̌̾̑͑͌̀̔͛́́͂̉͑̌̾̎̊̔̉́̑͌͗̓̐̇̽̓͂̑͌̋̉̄̏̀̅̒͐̇̀̐̊̊̾̄̏̒̆̂̈̎̃̑́͒͋̄̌̔̓́͐̊̌̑͛̅̎̔̌͗̾̋́̀̊̀̃̌̐̓̎̓̇̓̌̓̽̐̿́̈́̓̆̓̽̽͆̎͆̆̈́̋̒̓͒̄͊̈́̈́͑̔͗̀̐̈͂̐̐̀̂̇̒͆͌̾͋͐̄̐̎̃̃̔͆̍̒̓̀̃̐̒̏̽̇͊̓͋̆͗̋̈́̎̿̏̈́̎̑͋͐͆̕̕̚̕͘͘̕͘̚͘͘͘̕͘͘̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅ

We named it Earth after we got here.

Under any other circumstances, we'd be on Planet McPlanetface (by popular vote).

I took the train here.

Our spaceship broke , we’re here waiting for replacement parts.

Evolution

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Humans don't fall far when they're born either. It would be very improbable for a human to be born and somehow land somewhere else than on Earth.

We didn’t… stay vigilant, Xenu is still out there!

Pretty much the only way to make a human involves previous humans. Most humans are on earth.

To make a human existence, you first have to bake the universe... or something like that.

It appears to be a total accident, produced by pseudo-Reimannian manifolds and other such things very unrelated to us and our lives. Kind of like how certain human structures have created perfect conditions for other animals to breed in.

Wrong turn on 3rd...

I stopped to look around and never left.

Chance.

I got here because my parents fucked.

Someone on another planet around another star is probably asking the same thing about their conditions. Once you understand how they could be there, you understand why we're here.

The planet is in the Goldilocks zone of this solar system and it allowed life to propagate and evolve.

If the universe is infinite we also ended up on another earth very far away where the combination atoms just happened to repeat in the same combination as here and now.

Random chance but also the anthropic principle.

Mars was full so my ancestors had no choice but to come here :(