The latter I guess? Because at least for the former, you tried.
this post was submitted on 08 Oct 2024
45 points (81.7% liked)
Asklemmy
43939 readers
426 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
This. At least there is an attempt and you're not left wondering. Rejection also isnt a bad thing. Its honesty. Rather someone be honest with me then dwell on "could be" "maybes" and just false hope as someone down the thread mentioned.
surely having a low self-esteem is worse. life goes on. why bother over that one single log when you've got all the forest to explore?
Go all in. See your crush with someone else, confess your feelings to them loudly and in front of their current partner, ugly cry when it goes badly. Leave telling them you'll wait for them. Text the partner later to say "nothing personal, I'm the right person for Crush and we both know it".
Let me think, is there anything else one could do to make it more desperate and toxic? Without crossing into actual criminal harassment and stalking of course.
Find a partner who looks similar to Crush, replace their wardrobe with virtually identical clothes to Crush, along with haircut, perfume, etc.
Constantly visit shops close to Crush's house, so it's "coincidence" when you bump into Crush and Partner.
From there, before they can talk their way out of an awkward situation, joke about how they look like twins, and that fantasy has always appealed to you.
So uncomfortable. Yes.
"Accidentally" send texts to Crush intended for Doppelganger, carefully constructed to demonstrate how good a partner you are.
Being rejected the first few times is very unpleasant but very important to go from child to adult.
You tried and you'll get a high five from me, a complete stranger on the internet.
Seeing your crush with someone else will teach you the lesson to kill off non mutual feelings and move on. An important lesson but you did not choose to be brave and take it.
As for what feels the worst in the moment that depends on context and how many times you've had it happen before.
I've experienced both.
I worked up the courage to ask her out after some of her friends assured me she was single, and said I had a good chance.
She was great about it, said she was flattered and let me down gently with the "oh, I would, but sorry I have a boyfriend" line. I thought it was an excuse to soften the rejection.
A week later I saw her walking on campus holding hands with a guy, and later I saw her in class sitting on his lap. Turns out she really did have a secret boyfriend for almost a month that she didn't tell her friends about, but after she said it to me, she felt she could make it public.
To answer your question, getting rejected was not as bad as I thought, but seeing her with someone else was unexpectedly worse for me.
I dropped out of that uni at the end of the semester and never saw her again, but still occasionally think about her.
Does the experiences contribute to you dropping out or is it unrelated?
No, unrelated.
"In class sitting on his lap". Do people really do this? Seems disrespectful towards the teacher/lecturer (might be just cultural differences, I am not from the US).
I'm not in US either. This was actually in a computer lab, and I got there 10 minutes early, the lecturer wasn't there yet. Her guy is not in our class, he left when the class started.
Maybe not during the lecture, but before or after.
maybe stop coveting someone you don't know well enough and doesn't know you well enough. if you're interested, show some interest, but not a lot too early.
Maybe they know them fairly enough, but haven't had a chance to express themselves
Probably being rejected. I mean, both are bad, but the former definitely is much worse. If you are rejected explicitly, you know there's no chance. With the latter, they might break up and maybe you can become lovers. It's fairly easy to manipulate someone when they are emotionally vulnerable. Not that I am saying you should do that, just information.
There's peace in rejection though. You can move on with your life and stop obsessing over a slightly ajar door when the door is actually closed. There is nothing more stressful in the world than uncertainty. Closure is the best peace anyone can give to anyone else.
Being rejected is worse. It's so definitive. Seeing them with someone else is just seeing them live their life, it has nothing to do with me. Being rejected always feels personal.
Getting rejected because you know three will be no future, while if your crush is with someone else, you can still hope to have a chance in the future.
But in the end, either way it's s bad day.
I think false hope is worse than harsh reality because it can keep you from moving on.
Neither is bad.
That seems pretty contrarian, nobody likes being rejected and it's natural to feel envious or sad seeing someone else get the closeness you wanted. Whether or not rejection is a part of life or healthy in the long term it is going to be bad while you're experiencing it, and feeling negatively when seeing the object of your affection with someone else could arguably be unbecoming since you'll want the best for them but it's about ad human as it gets.
Idk I crush on a lot of folks, I'm also in a long term (polyam) relationship.
Whether or not rejection is a part of life or healthy in the long term it is going to be bad while youβre experiencing it
Why?
when seeing the object of your affection with someone else could arguably be unbecoming since youβll want the best for them but itβs about ad human as it gets.
I tend to feel compersion over envy
When knowing a rejection is destined, I would rather disappear and see the crush be with someone else. A hope which has been shot down is a scar for life, whereas an attempt never made painfully warms my heart forever.
Just remember, if you try and they don't reciprocate, at least you tried. And if they don't like you, you probably won't like them in the long run either. Just the idea of them
I dunno. Looking back the things I regret are the times I didnβt try.
Rejection hurts but I still feel good about myself for making the first move. It reminds me I have the guts to try again with a new person.
Seeing them with someone else sucks because it reminds me I dragged my feet and didn't even try.
Crushes are non-consensual. Getting rejected is definitely the best, because that is the first step to getting over an unhealthy obsession.
I don't think that's what most people mean by the term crush. It sounds like you're describing something closer to stalking.
Yeah wtf. It's totally natural to have a crush, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're totally obsessed with them.
Get rejected, then see your crush with someone else
See your crush with someone else, then get rejected
I'm always proud of the people in my life making good healthy decisions for themselves.
They tend to go hand-in-hand, pun intended.
Your crush leaving you for someone else.
Oh man. The crushes I've gone through. Some I've helped set up after they rejected me.
Some are bittersweet though. I'm always so happy that they've found someone that makes them happy but sad that our friendship dwindled as a result.
I order to get something, you have to learn to let go first.
I'm polyamorous so my crush would probably be polyamorous as well, so the second situation doesn't really matter. But being rejected just means you know they don't see you that way and you can move on, so it's not that bad anyway. It can be unpleasant in the moment but its part of the human experience
If I have absolutely no clue how they'd react, I'd say seeing your crush because at least with rejection you won't have any of those what could have been doubts that you would if you never asked in the first place.