Asklemmy

It was going great until they all died years ago.

I would say I had both worlds. One set were nice and all that, but they had 6 kids so by Grandparent age they were probably tired out, LOL. But their life revolved around watching TV. So visiting was sort of a side thing because you were cutting into their shows so there was not a lot of depth. My other set of grandparents were great. They took us on random road trips exploring the country. Taught us how to play card games with betting for cash. Taught us dances from the old days. When my grandfather would sleep in his chair, his mouth would drop open. My grandmother made it a game to scrunch up small paper balls and try to toss them in his mouth. The connections they made with us as kids helped make for a open communication later in life. My grandmother and I used to write back and forth (we were separated by oceans later on) She was a good listener for when things in life were going a bit wrong.

I'm older now, but basically my maternal grandparents used to have us as kids nearly every weekend over at their place. They've lived a five minute walk away from us, which is a big thing on the edge of downtown of a big city. My paternal grandparents used to live on the other side of the city and we saw them once or twice a year maybe.

Now that I have my own kids: the maternal great grandparents and the grandma live a five hour ride away. We visit them once a year. They never visit us. The grandpa is an idiot and zero contact.

The paternal grams (my mother) tries to visit as often as she can. Which is not a lot, because she's anxious about overseas travel. Grandpa is dead.

Basically my children will be growing up without knowing a fun, strong grandfather figure, while I had at least one growing up. And they'll only be seeing their grandmothers once a year each. While I had the caring and wise words of mine all the way into my young adulthood.

The image of a nuclear family for me was always siblings, parents, grandparents all the way until my father died in my twenties, and then it kinda broke apart. I cared less about my relationship with my grandparents back then, and by the time I came to my senses it was too late. Either death or dementia has taken them. I don't plan on repeating the same mistakes with my mother, who is nearing 70 now.

They're dead

Sounds pretty similar to me and my grandparents, especially the part about not being vulnerable with each other. Mostly it's surface-level talks. For example, my grandpa is into plants and gardening, so we might talk about the garden or his most recent visit to the garden center or something.

And I'm pretty sure behavior like this is passed down through generations.

I've only talked (video call) to my grandparents once after the war started two years ago. The first second was already tense and the last was infinitely worse. I hoped that they would have known better than to believe everything that they saw on TV.

All four are dead now, but mixed while they were alive.

Paternal grandfather had severe physical and mental problems from military service. He was basically a presence in the corner, while the family told stories of who he was long before I was born.

Paternal grandmother was a gardening and baking genius. She taught me so much. She was also worn down caring for kids, grandkids, and her husband who was wholly dependent on her for everything.

Maternal grandmother was a tough one. Raised lots of kids through poverty with a shitbag husband for many years. She coached all of us girls never to be fully dependent on a spouse. Good for a person, good for the relationship, that each partner have some independence and autonomy.

Paternal grandfather got pulled into criminal activities that destroyed the family's financial stability. I wonder what my grandmother could have been if not leashed to that man. He wasn't physically abusive, he just drained her soul and spirit over the decades. When I hear trad Christians like JD Vance want to get rid of no-fault divorces, I think of my grandmother stuck with her husband. She couldn't go anywhere, all he provided was his legal identity that she worked through. She held a job, the money went into his bank account because she couldn't have one. She paid the bills. She cared for the kids and the house. She was an involved member of the community. He was dead weight tied around her neck.

Supernatural

All my grandparents are dead but when they where alive we did the usual thing which was meeting few times a year. On top of that I used to call them at least once a month and we've talked about everything and nothing, usual small talk. The interesting part is that I got a lot of insights between the lines and I had a pretty good idea how my grandparent were in their early years.

If you want a better relationship with your grandparents, call them every now and there or visit them and have a casual conversation. After a while you will know them way better. And if you're not comfortable with what they say, just let it slide. Old people are known for not giving a crap about political correctness.

it got weird cuz my grandmother was the 'whore' who broke up my wifes grandparents

It kinda varies, for me.

My biological grandfather and step-grandmother were my closest, but it was mainly with her, and I didn't realize it until she passed. I could tell so many stories about that woman, both from after my birth and well before it. Honestly, the further I accept myself, the more I realize she has always been my go-to for the woman I aspire to be.

My biological grandmother is a narcissistic piece of shit who I will never speak to again, if I can help it, and my step-grandfather along with her. When I was younger, I thought it was healthy, until I realized that what was happening was I was getting toys and shinies shoved at me so I'd look to her as a provider and ignore her shitty comments towards everyone else.

He's not much better. He can't handle not having control, but also hates showing it, so he acts like a passive-aggresive bully until he gets his way and when confronted on it shrugs and goes "Who I am. Don't like it, go" then throws a tantrum when you do.

I love my now only living grandmother. She is a friend to all of her grandchildren.

When my other grandparents were alive (and I was a child/teenager) our relationships were mostly formal.

You need to put effort in to get to know your grandparents. I was fortunate to have one grandmother who lived to 93 and had her wits about her the whole time. My other 3 grandparents died before I graduated high school, but her I knew til I was in my 30s. I had a chance to visit her quite a few times on my own so it was just the two of us, and got to know her pretty well.

Never met one in my life, so can't tell ya really.

dead before I was born and all the stories I heard about them made them awful people who did not care about my parents. I am aware that might be or might not be the case because it was different times back then

I'm sorry you lost your grandma. Maybe talk to your parents about who she was and ask them to share some memories? I feel like i was pretty close with mine, and i think my kids know a lot about theirs, either from conversations with them or from things we've shared.

Me and my Nanas were tight as fuck. I used to thrift shop with both of them a lot (separately) but yeah, lost one a year ago and that hurt quite bad

Three died before I was born or old enough to remember. The fourth was basically no relationship once I became an adult because I am not close with extended family that has always lived half a country away from me. She died during the pan, saving me from having to disappoint my mother by skipping her funeral.

Well, most of them are fairly dead, so...

Both grandpas are dead but all 4 are amazing and I wish I saw my grandma's more. I never learned a ton about their past first hand besides my dad's dad who told me about Korea. I mostly talk about what's going on not the past. Sometimes it feels like seeing a teacher or coach outside of school when we talk about the past because you saw them as grandparents and not normal people.

All but one has passed and the one remaining is kind if rocky now that my parents have poisoned the relationship with talk of hope manipulative and toxic my partner is for enforcing such awful things like limited screen time and bathing regularly to my child.

It was fine until I grew up and realized how bitter and racist my grandmother was. Almost felt nothing when she passed.

Well, one of my grandmas died about a year ago, I don't really talk to my other grandma, I've never met either of my real grandpas (my parents have never met them either) and I don't really talk to my step-grandpas. I do go to family gatherings but I'm not really much of a talkative person, so I don't really have much of a reason to talk to them.

I have one surviving grandparent. I used to reach out on occassions. He never tried calling me but I have seen pictures of him on Facebook.

My grandparents basically raised their grandchildren, so I'd say I am/was close with mine, except the one asshole. My one grandmother is basically like a second mom for me. I lived with her from when I was 13 until I was 30 (with maybe five years apart in between) and she is a pretty involved great-grandmother to all her great-grandchildren, too.

All but one of my grandparents had died before I was born, and the remaining one died when I was about 10. She was a stickler for social rules, so I found her kind of intimidating.

One set of grandparents willfully and intentionally wound up as ashes in a mausoleum in Indiana. I haven't visited.

The other set, also ashes, were spread in the Atlantic. Gramps was spread when the tide was going out, unfortunately. So he took a while.

Well, the men in my family who married in were great. They're all dead now, and all that's left are their wives and an ex husband. I don't talk to any of them and want nothing to do with them. They're all varying varieties of hoarders (animals, belongings, trash, etc) and they're all hardcore MAGA (and have been scammed out of money because of it).

My maternal grandmother is more of a mother to me than my own mother, so very close.

Well they are long deceased, since the 1990s at least. My paternal grandparents were shy people who didn't have much use for children, they took me as a toddler to the mall once, and because I seldom had their attention I was full of beans trying to make them laugh and like me, and they found that too much. It was like they were old before I was born really, not like these younger grandparents people have now. They were both gone by the time I was a teenager. My maternal grandparents; my grandfather was an alcoholic for most of his life, your typical Irish leprechaun type of drunk, and only quit because his doctor told him it would kill him, and my memories of him are him shuffling around the house in leather slippers listening to the radio or reading the news. My grandmother was a miserable manipulative ring-tailed bitch with no friends who lay on the couch moaning about how sick she was, which she was not, and spending most of her time trying to pit her daughters against one another, which ultimately worked as they are basically all estranged. They had few interests and did not get along and slept in separate rooms. The only time she was interesting was after she had a stroke and became hilariously demented and said some absolutely outrageous things. None of them ever attended any of my activities or did anything to help raise me or anything like other grandparents seem to do now, and seemed to expect that they were to be taken care of now that they had retired. I can't say I missed any of them when they died because they were such a vague presence in my life. They were not particularly successful and had almost no interests.

I'm relatively close with one of my grandmothers. It gets in the way that she tries to be a matriarch of sorts, with a bit of distance, but I know a few things about what her life has been like anyway. It helps that stories get passed on through my parents.

One thing that's surprisingly helpful is knowing recent history in general. For example, I never thought of her as an immigrant kid when I was growing up, and I don't think she'd refer to herself that way, but that's exactly what she is - just a product of the people who I now know were immigrating then, instead of the ones immigrating now.

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