Asklemmy

You might be behind on dating, but you're also behind on divorce. Trust me, it's a double-edged sword, and if you rush into it, you'll only get stabbed in the back. Though of course that isn't to say loneliness itself feels like a dagger (mine is inscribed "platonic" on it). How many platonic friends do you have?

You're doing fine. Don't try to force it or focus on it too much tbh. If you are being rejected just move on unless you see the effort as worth it. I am not sure what type of woman you are looking for so I cannot give a good enough answer where to search. You are still very young and honestly I would say keep focusing on yourself while just meeting people.

Hell I'm mid 40s and the last time I was single was right about your age. Getting all the school stuff out of the way first puts you on a level to have a better perspective on what you want to have in a partner.

25 is still young. You’ve got plenty of time. I’m in my 30’s and only recently got engaged. Stop comparing yourself to all your friends who paired up in high school and got married at 20 years old; They’re the exception, not the norm. Even college is young to get married. And besides, chances are good that the early marriages won’t last more than a few years. Then they’ll be right where you are now, but with alimony payments to make.

Hell, remember that most characters in zillennial sitcoms like Friends, HIMYM, New Girl, etc were in their late 20’s and early 30’s. And those sitcoms revolve around dating.

25 isn't too young, and makes sense if you have focused on education and career. I followed a similar path in that I spent a lot of time in education, only starting to properly consider courting someone around the age of 25 or 26 after I finished my PhD. Things were complicated somewhat by Covid, but I got married last year at the age of 30.

As to losing weight, I can't speak much from experience on that, but losing some weight may be a good idea, as much for your own health as anything else. Unless you are really overweight (in which case it is a medical issue that you should address), I think you shouldn't worry too much about it in terms of dating.

My only real advice to you is to meet as many girls as humanly possible and do not lower your standards for anyone, no matter how pretty they are.

The only way to be "behind" on dating is to not work on yourself. Sounds like you've been doing a lot for yourself, with your career and losing weight and all. Don't forget therapy. There is nothing more attractive to a girl than just being in a good spot mentally, socially, and physically. Seriously, the bar for men is at ankle height! Most guys don't work on themselves and go through life as a shambling pile of red flags, and then girls settle for that.

When my fiancée first met me, I was living in my parent's basement and biking to work every day because I didn’t have a car. But I had a clear idea of who I was and what I wanted to be, and I was working towards my short-term goal of buying a new car. Somehow that was enough to be an amazing once-in-a-lifetime catch for her. You are way better off than I was, and even I was able to catch a girl that is better than anything I could have hoped for. (At this point in my life, my list of "what the perfect girl looks like" had gotten so long that I had given up on finding someone who fit even most of them, then she walks in and I realize she checked every box on that list, even the childish stuff like having the biggest boobs I've seen in person and having all the same hobbies as me) Point is, don't ever think you aren't worth it. I got my dream girl while living in my parent's basement with no car and no career; if my loser ass can do it, you can too. Have faith in yourself.

On a side note, I think what's making things feel harder is how much more difficult dating is when you aren't going to school. I would recommend getting involved in irl hobbies and keeping your eyes open. That way you are more likely to meet girls who have hobbies in common with you.

I didn't start dating until around that age due to some pretty crippling social anxiety. It took a bit to get the hang of things and things were occasionally frustrating but I found my wife in the end. I know it sucks when all your friends seem to have found someone and you are basically just starting out. But friends are still there to be helpful and they generally like to hear dating stories which can be pretty interesting.

Losing weight will likely help you feel more confident which definitely helps. It can also open up more activities for dates.

Definitely not too late! But definitely not easy, either! But having the right perspective can help a lot. I never got into online dating personally but it is an option there.

My main recommendation is honestly in local events and hobby type gatherings. That, and the important friends of friends. Your friends surely know other people who know people who are interested in something you like - all it takes is a couple social gatherings and making the right connections. It's important to not look at dating overall as this monumental task that will be some achievement, but rather dating is a path to experience the frivolity of life and the events we put on together! I've always felt that you shouldn't be dating explicitly to "find the one", but rather it is the opportunity to go out and have fun, hang out with friends, make new ones. Live the events that you get to experience :)

Granted, I'm a social person and I do like going out but mostly on my own terms, I definitely recharge with alone time. My experience also is in a very populated area, so I can't really speak to smaller towns and the like, but generally it seems like building a habit from something you enjoy be it a food/drink place or game/store place. Consistency is comfort and comfort is appealing :) things like that can help if you find yourself as someone who doesn't feel as comfortable in larger spaces like that. But a few reminders: it's not imposing to exist and there's no such thing as butting in on a conversation (so long as you don't derail it). If there's a circle, join it! If there's a lull, comment! And don't be afraid to be a planner! Brunches, game nights (lots of fun old board games for $1-3 at thrift stores), invite your friends and the new people you connect with!

These are my social butterfly tips and tricks to having fun and making friends :) I feel that it makes any potential romance even more sweet because the person isn't some prize or goal, they just are someone who you met doing something you love. I think that's an important distinction when looking for dating tips, it makes it so gamified and almost fake. That's part of why I never tried online dating - met some nice people on friends style apps but there's also a lot of scams so... Meh. Although, if you were part of something like a midwest.social lemmy (just as an example) then you could also try meetups since local is more likely.

But personally, I'm a friends of friends events person - although I ended up with my crush from middle school not in this fashion so you never know!

As you say, 25 is not old at all. As long as you keep socializing with friends and coworkers, pursue IRL hobbies ideally social ones, etc. as you mention, I don't think it matters much if it takes you 6 months or >5 years to reach your fitness goals.

The only people I'd consider """lost cases""" I know personally are shut-ins who have long mentally parted ways with baseline humanity. An inability to have a decent conversation with people is harder to fix than being overweight and becomes more of a problem with each year of age. But you seem to be on the right track there!

My stepfather Skyped me recently to introduce me to his new girlfriend. He’s 91. So no, it’s not too late for you to find someone to love. It sounds like you’re doing well at being social. Don’t worry too much about it, just be genuine, open, and interested in the people you meet.

I know it feels overwhelming now, but your life has barely started. You’ve got plenty of time!

I didn't meet my wife until I was older than 25, and to be honest I wasn't ready to meet her until I did. I was very much still figuring myself out, and I didn't even realize it. I recommend that before you even attempt dating people, you first date yourself for a while. I know you focus on your career, but how are you spending your free time? Are you cooking yourself a nice meal that you enjoy? Are you drawing, painting, playing music, woodworking, etc or are you just passively watching TV? Are you getting into anything new? You need to be giving your mind and body the constructive attention that it craves, and that will help you to find out what kind of person you are and what your likes and dislikes are, and most importantly what you enjoy doing with yourself, not just by yourself. Then and only then can you be the confident and interesting person that others will truly desire to spend time with, because you will have fostered personal growth such that you yourself truly desire to spend time with you.

You mentioned losing weight; some general calorie reduction and minor exercise is enough to get pretty fit, but it could take a while depending on how much you weigh and what your target weight is. Don't be discouraged by stagnation. Muscle is dense, and health is more important that weight. Every minute on a treadmill is significantly more productive than spending it on the couch. Even if you have an off day and can't motivate yourself to do the exercise you want to do, you can still do some pushups while you're waiting for your shower water to get hot enough. One pushup is better than zero pushups.

Make a paper airplane right now. Doodle some racing stripes or flames on it. Throw it. Enjoy your own company for 5 minutes and see how you like it. Be your own best friend for the evening. I guarantee it will kickstart you onto a productive path.

Never too late, although it does sound like you could reflect on how much time you spend on you. Your career is great, but you need to be happy first.

Get weird, find some hobbies or just get on some paid (and therefore more serious and less gamey) dating apps and start finding out what you want and what you like. Lack of experience seems like the hardest thing in the world to overcome, but it’s really not, just gotta relax and make some mistakes. Accept that you’re gonna have some awkward interactions and just try to make each of them a fun story…and don’t take pushy advice to heart.

I can recommend the video The science of catching up in life

You are certainly not to old for anything, except youth sports, kiddie meals.

On losing weight - I don't think it's a requirement to be attractive, plenty of people don't care. But I have heard enough stories about partners being distressed when their boyfriend/girlfriend lost weight - the lifestyle can get out of synch if you get healthy and they don't. So if you know that's what you are going to do in the next year or two, I would say at least get started and establish the lifestyle you will need so that it's not a shocking change to anyone you are dating.

And yes, being more conventionally attractive will increase your potential pool of partners but like I put in another comment - looks are an asset but only open doors, nothing else. Once you are through that door, everything else about you is what matters.

You're still a spring chicken. Yes, everything you can do to improve your well-being, such as losing weight, helps.

It is never too late