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Is it too late to date for me? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 year ago by alphapro784@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️

It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.

This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.

I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.

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[–] MrVilliam@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I didn't meet my wife until I was older than 25, and to be honest I wasn't ready to meet her until I did. I was very much still figuring myself out, and I didn't even realize it. I recommend that before you even attempt dating people, you first date yourself for a while. I know you focus on your career, but how are you spending your free time? Are you cooking yourself a nice meal that you enjoy? Are you drawing, painting, playing music, woodworking, etc or are you just passively watching TV? Are you getting into anything new? You need to be giving your mind and body the constructive attention that it craves, and that will help you to find out what kind of person you are and what your likes and dislikes are, and most importantly what you enjoy doing with yourself, not just by yourself. Then and only then can you be the confident and interesting person that others will truly desire to spend time with, because you will have fostered personal growth such that you yourself truly desire to spend time with you.

You mentioned losing weight; some general calorie reduction and minor exercise is enough to get pretty fit, but it could take a while depending on how much you weigh and what your target weight is. Don't be discouraged by stagnation. Muscle is dense, and health is more important that weight. Every minute on a treadmill is significantly more productive than spending it on the couch. Even if you have an off day and can't motivate yourself to do the exercise you want to do, you can still do some pushups while you're waiting for your shower water to get hot enough. One pushup is better than zero pushups.

Make a paper airplane right now. Doodle some racing stripes or flames on it. Throw it. Enjoy your own company for 5 minutes and see how you like it. Be your own best friend for the evening. I guarantee it will kickstart you onto a productive path.