Asklemmy

Impostor syndrome is a thing and it's common. I've been in my industry for 15 years and still lack confidence and feel like everyone else is better than me. The approach that worked for me is to know what I'm aware I do a good job at, and make sure the people who can influence my performance reviews are aware of it. Play to your strengths. In the corporate environment, what matters is what you're perceived as, not what you actually are. If your performance reviews are good, then you should be fine and know what to keep on doing. If you have a good relationship with your manager, it would also help to ask them directly what things they think you can improve on. Don't wait for the performance review to tell you that, so you can work on it before it goes on record.

I've been a carpenter since I was 18 and a finish carpenter since i was 30. I'll be 52 this year. So I've been doing this for 34 years. By all regards, I'm an expert in my field. My work has been on magazine covers, my work has won awards for architects and designers. I'm known by name by top builders and firms in my area. I now run jobs as a superintendent and/or project manager. I get calls to come work for other companies on the regular.

I still have zero idea why. Like, I just tell people what to do in an order that makes sense. And before that, I beat nails into wood. It wasn't till about 3 or 4 years ago when my wife took me aside and explained to my face that, yeah, I'm really good at my job that I started to realize that, yeah, I'm pretty good at my job. But everyday, driving in, I'm still just a kid that's in over his head. I don't feel confident at work. I know on one level I'm doing OK, I mean I must be, right? But I just come in and do my best and hope it's good enough. Turns out, that it usualy is good enough.

And I can tell you this. Anyone that walks around super confident in their work, usually sucks at their job. I've seen dozens of people claim that they're the best around, only to get axed or laid off as soon as possible. Don't bother being confident in your work, be confident that you're doing the best that you can do and be confident that you have the ability to keep learning.

My advice would be that every time you don’t feel confident, communicate that and try to get more information.

If doing that open communication gets you fired, it will lead to a better workplace where you can try again.

If you’re in a company culture that will support you, then exposing your feelings of low confidence will bring information to you that you can use to increase your competence, and it will also signal to your management that you need performance signals in order to calibrate your efforts.

I once quit a company because I thought I was about to be fired and didn’t want the firing on my resume. It was a small company, and the CEO was desperate to understand why I was quitting. Eventually my cover story about “oh it’s not right this and that” yielded to me telling the truth that I had tried to get ahead of a firing, and you know what he said?

“We think you’ve been an excellent employee and it’s obvious to me that we haven’t done a good enough job of communicating that to you.”

Sometimes a culture is truly bad, and totally incapable of supporting its employees. Other times a culture is just getting rusty in terms of providing those signals.

It’s normal, even in professional adult life, to need signals in order to feel confident in any kind of relationship.

That company was making the same mistake with me that I’ve made in some relationships: assuming that “the love” was obvious and a given. In my case, I should have bought my ex flowers more. In their case, they should have said “good job” more often.

I’d say the main thing then is to acknowledge that you need signals, understand that it’s normal and healthy of you to need those signals, and finally to understand that sometimes a company’s just being a little lazy about sending them. Other times the company is actively, purposefully, or possibly unconsciously but inescapably, keeping you sweating as a matter of policy.

In terms of differentiating between those two — company that’s slipping a little in terms of support, or a company whose very nature is antithetical to support — in both of those your best move is the same: tell them that you don’t feel confident, and that you need occasional positive feedback in order to feel secure in the job.

I can't speak for others, but some people... just... don't. I'm one of them. Perpetual impostor syndrome for almost a full decade at the same company.

I might simply genuinely be incompetent but too nice to fire, I dunno.

Focus on being trustworthy more than your performance.

I recently saw a video from Simon Sinek that helped me understand what is valued in a team member. It's only 2 and a half minutes long, give it a watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTo9e3ILmms

Unfortunately performance reviews are basically made to make you feel that way and to have them prepared for just that. Its not completely intentional but most bussinesses have layoffs on a regular basis (at least in tech) some just go to where they keep a core and contract out a lot. Those layoffs hit leadership to on top of people leaving since loyalty works both ways. This causes what you do to change from when they set your goals at the begining of the year to what you are doing at the end. Most managers should sorta realize that and take you into account. If my reviews are not positive I take that to mean the company does not like my work and a sign to look for someplace that needs my skillset more.

I am in a similar situation in that I often feel like I'm doing things wrong and could be reprimanded at any time. This is not how work is supposed to be structured, even by ghouls. Good managers give clear expectations, and regular, informal feedback. This actually makes their jobs better, because when people are comfortable they don't hide problems - which is an action that can lead to huge failures later on.

So, I think what you're experiencing is common, and is a byproduct of poor management. I have had good managers and the difference in work culture is astounding. One can be confident at work with good management.

Otherwise, you just have to assume you're doing a good job, or you can actually just ask for clearer definition of goals and tasks, which might help.

It's really hard to get fired once you've been hired.

Imagine having to talk to a bunch of people, read a ton of resumes, train people, and then at least a fifty fifty chance they are worse than you at your worst and they need to start all over.

You either need to be a personality that people who can fire you just hate and don't want to be around, or be so bad at your job that people will volunteer for one of the tasks they least like doing over the course of their job just to get rid of you.

Or, money just dries up and they need to make cuts, in which case it doesn't matter how good you are unless it's between you and someone else, and even then it's going to be weird shit like who has a family or who made them laugh at the Christmas party that's the deciding factor because it's actually really hard for most people to correctly gauge the capacity and skill of others.

The secret to being seen as a great value to the company is to just do work you feel like is pretty good, and not give any fucks beyond that.

That's the neat thing, I don't.

Welcome to imposter syndrome, it means you're a professional.

As far as how you can be more comfortable that heavily depends heavily on what your job is. Some jobs have more direct feedback than others. But largely it will just take time. You're still the new guy from the sound of it so it will take time to learn how your workplace works and what the exact expectations are. In the mean time just remember that as long as you aren't consistently getting negative feedback on the same things then odds are you're doing perfectly fine. Doing things wrong ocasionally is expected because you are human, but as long as you are learning from those times then you are already doing better than a lot of people. If nobody is telling you that you aren't meeting expectations at your reviews then either you are meeting expectations or you have a bad manager.

Get to know the people you work with and learn who you can bounce ideas off of.

Once you have a couple of work friends you can more easily figure out what those around you think of you.

I was in school while working (in my 40s no less) and as part of my classes I was asked to poll my coworkers about my strengths and weaknesses.

I learned that I was liked, valued, and that it was noticed when I was out sick, which was often.

It really helped me as I just assumed nobody really noticed me at all.

Chances are that you are the one judging yourself.

Also, be the one who speaks up in meetings. It helps give others permission to speak up as well.

What helps me is working with and helping new hires. Showed me how far I have come and how much I have grown.

Trust your manager and the people who hired you. They picked your for a reason. Sometimes it's not what you think makes a good employee in this position, but something much more specific to the team or situation you're in. If in doubt: Ask!

Many times people who come straight from uni don't feel productive enough, because they can't be productive for 8 hours straight. But that's normal. Staring at the ceiling blankly on occasion is normal too. If you're doing your best and the matter you're working with is working well for you, then you're very likely fine.

There's always a bit of impostor syndrome in all of us, but still try to get comfortable and trust your colleagues. Ask for feedback from your superior, if you're unsure.

I feel like I had the same feelings surrounding work after graduating college. I got out of it by thinking, "What would a confident person do in this situation?"

eventually, my confidence rose a lot and I stopped thinking like this because I became a person with a lot of confidence.

also, don't go so hard on yourself. if youre doing a good job and your superiors are letting you know the work you are doing is great, there is no need to stress. is there something in particular about your job that makes you feel like you're not putting in enough effort?

To be fair, you are always on the cusp of being fired/laid off. Even if you're the backbone of the company, the best employee, etc.

Also remember that expectations of young people in a lot of businesses are very low. That's why they pay the young so poorly 🤷.

If you seem to be getting work done and your boss isn't bitching then you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. Don't worry about it.

Also, when you're young change jobs every year or two! It's the best way to make considerably more money over time and no, it will not hurt your resume in the slightest. It merely shows initiative and the fact that everyone wants you (i.e. you're competent).

Well, I can review my own performance more regularly, for one. I know what my sales numbers are and what they should be and what my coworkers' numbers are. As long as I'm in the top third I'm satisfied, as long as I'm in the top two and my take-home is at or above the previous year's for the same month I'm happy.

I also solicity feedback from both management and patrons and while management always wants to be able to give criticism, you can tell when they're searching; patrons are more honest and immediate.

But I've been working a long time.

For you, you can request more frequent performance reviews or coaching. Any decent manager will respond positively (if not actually helpfully) to that sort of request. Do you have a mentor in the workplace? They can also give feedback and coaching.

Your boss is screwing up.

They should make it very clear what you are expected to do, what the parameters of your job are, and whether you are meeting them. You can't improve if you don't know what your weaknesses are.

What can you do about it? I'd look at your last performance review. If there are suggestions for improvement, I'd start by working on those. If there aren't, tell your boss you're interested in doing better, and you're looking for suggestions.

Drugs probably.

Everyone is dumb as fuck. Me too, thanks.

Worth noting is that the feeling of being or doing something "wrong" without much evidence to support it suggests a little bit of imposter syndrome. It's a very, very, very common feeling and is almost expected in any sort of a technical field. I have dealt with it personally and it sucks. The thing that helps me is the knowledge that if I was doing something that wasn't up to the standard or wrong, someone would intervene. Even if it was to just sit me down and tell me "Hey, this sucks and you need to do better".

Fake it til you make it. And by this I don't mean this in the actual work,but more the attitude. Several others have mentioned imposter syndrome. Same here, and I'm in IT. A space that's impossible for any single person to know everything. Find what you're good at, and dig in like school. Once you're good with the work, you'll be good AT the job.

Look at how well your work is perceived to other coworkers.