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I've been to Gay pride parades, gay bars and gay clubs. The gayest experience I've had in my life was working in the trades with straight men doing everything they can to prove their masculinity at all costs.
These men will use women as mere possessive objects in order to prove to their masculinity towards other men. By oversexualizing all women while at the same time belittling all that their partner does. As if women were merely currency for respect among men.
They hated gays and trans people so much that they would spend an extremely uncomfortable amount of time telling you how much they were "disgusted" by these people.
They hated on any man who who did not possess physical masculine traits. Those traits that they hated? Not being muscular. Not being tall. Not being fat (what???). Having longer hair.
But the gayest thing these guys refused to do was stand up for themselves against unjust authority. They would spend the most all their free time explicitly telling you how much they hate their boss. How stupid their boss is. How much of an asshole their boss is. How they would kick their bosses ass. Just talk an absolute big game.
Then the boss would come around the corner and you'd never see a bunch of grown ass men tuck their dicks between their legs faster than these guys. Their voices raise up a couple pitches and suddenly they are acting as subservient as how they believe their wives should be.
It's in this unspoken idea of respect for Men in Authority that you see the "gayest" trait in these toxic men. But not in a good gay way. A toxic gay trait that comes from a deep place built on oppression and repression of ones self. Where respect from your fellow man at all costs is the most valuable thing they crave. Where respect from your boss holds even higher value. Where respect from men in higher positions is held at even higher value.
All they care about is to be noticed by other men. That's kinda gay dude.
The cost of all this effort to gain respect from exclusively other men is their dignity. And they are more than willing to give up their dignity to be noticed by men in positions of authority.
To these guys, questioning or standing up to authority is gay. Standing up for yourself is gay. Demanding to be treated with dignity is gay. They will be the first ones to kick you down for disrespecting authority.
I've walked into a club bathroom and saw two guys giving another guy a blowjob. That's still not as gay as watching "straight" acting men grovel at the feet of boss in any trades.
Ick...
Ugh. Very relateable.
To give you an idea, I'm 2m/6ft6, do weight lifting and I'm not particularly worried about the size of my dick. I may be insecure about many things, but not about my manliness.
Anyway, these kind of insecure men always try to out macho me. It's so fucking tiring. I'm basically straight (never say never), but I like stuff these kinds of men often find gay, because I'm not an anti-intellectual moron who has the maturity of a 12 year old boy or cares too much about what other people think. It's like they want to whip out their dicks and measure each other all the time. What kind of manchild cares so much about what other people think, that they can't listen to classical music, dress nicely, or read a book? As you say, these men are too weak to have opinions of their own or stand-up to authority.
They're so deeply insecure, it's fucking sad. Pathetic even. Not that I feel much sympathy for them, especially the older ones who've had time to mature, because they inevitably cause you grief. They're at best annoying, but can be outright dangerous. The whole machismo, kiss the boot, contempt for the weak thing is a toxic cocktail. No surprise who they vote for either, always love to suck the dick of a strong leader who tells them they're better than someone else.
You know those Harvard implicit association tests? They have one for racism, but they also have one for homophobia. Certainly not without their flaws, but I took one. Turns out I have a bias against straight people. No mystery how that happened, given so many men are toxic.
Holy shit yes, this whole thing right here.
The trade fields are absolutely insanely full of men telling each other how manly they are and how not gay they are with the "notice me" mode that it's kinda 'dude... if you want guys to hit on you... you're going about it all wrong.'
That reminds me of this Ron White joke
Don’t forget anything longer than a military buzzcut. Gayyyyyyy
Kudos for being able to say what you did, while using gay as a "derogatory" word, and not fucking it up in a way that would lead an uncharitable interpretation of what you said.
That being said, I absolutely agree with you, and the most homophobic shit I've ever heard came from guys who were so insecure about their sexuality, in a way that signalled to virtually everyone who was secure, that there was something about themselves they didn't want to accept.
Sounds like a great bunch(!)
Not sure how it relates to "gayness" though.