Transcription
Black text on white background reading “when i say "if i recall" or "if i remember correctly" i am being polite about being right. i remember and i am correct.”
this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2025
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I used to work for a guy who was never wrong. He didn't talk much but when he did say something, it was always correct. He still hedged a lot, so he would say "I'm not sure you're right; I think the answer might be X." What that meant was "You are certainly mistaken and the only reasonable answer is X."
On maybe the third day of my first programming job, a colleague pulled me aside and said "don't give me 'shoulds' and 'probablys'. You need to sound confident so I can know to trust what you're saying".
That guy was a bit of a dickhead in general but there's a lot of truth there. To the question "what's the expected impact of this change?", "None." is a good answer. "Well it should work..." is not useful feedback and a good Operations Manager will rightfully reject the change.
Of course it is better to be hesitant than falsely confident, but far too many (software) engineers hide behind indecisive language to dodge the necessary hard work of validating their hunches. If you didn't test your shit fully, just say so. If you're right, say it. Personal ego doesn't belong in an engineering discussion.
That's me in person. Online I'm more likely to offer an opinion on a subject, with a caveat that I'm willing to be corrected. In person, if I speak up, it's because I am either 100% correct, or I have every reason to believe I am. I don't open my trap unless I am positive I know the answer.
This is is a remarkably valuable skill, and remarkably rare.
I'll stay quiet even in that case if it looks like the answer's close to the surface of the conversation anyway.
My mom's favorite teaching quote was "it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and erase all doubt"
That's bullshit.
If I was completely certain of something, I would say so.
In most scenarios, if I'm wrong, I lacked pieces of information. It doesn't really matter how strongly I feel I am right if I'm wrong. It certainly doesn't matter how often I am right, because I could get it wrong.
In particular if there is a chunk of knowledge where I don't know how much information I am lacking, that's the worst outcome. I could be so extremely wrong that it requires more time than waiting to confirm whether or I am.
It's very rude and condescending of management and clients to always be so critical of my "confidence." It has nothing to do with how "confident" I am in an solution.
I get paid to be right. So I will be right a lot. It isn't a magical he's usually right so he's right this time. If that is what is expected of me, use LLMs.
Edit: It may not be clear, but I have given the "certain" I am right 4 or 5 times over 13 years. It's RARE. I do not sugarcoat. I don't have the energy to play social games when time, money, and system availability is at stake.
People don't like being told they are wrong, so, if you are sure they are indeed wrong, giving them the option to reconsider is usually more tactful and polite.
Also, I don't know what your job is, but noone ks paid to be right. People make mistake because you can never be fully certain of anything. You are paid for your time/experience, and that allows you to be wrong (at least in a healthy environment).
I'm an engineer. I literally get paid to be right. Because of this, I give an accurate assessment of my own answer if I am not certain.
The amount of times I am certain of being right is probably countable on a single hand over the past dozen years of my career.