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I know I have friends, but they're all technically my wife's friends and their husbands. We probably socialize once or twice a month, depending on schedules. I love them all, but I have no friends that I socialize with 1:1. It's always a group event. So in a way it feels like I have no friends.
The one friend that is truly and originally my friend, since middle school, I'll see maybe once a month if I'm lucky and it's usually a framily event with our wives and kids. And the time and distance apart feels wider than ever as we've gotten older.
Socializing at 40 is... different, and oddly lonely.
what i dont' get about socializing as a 30-40 something.. is how ultra focused it is on money and politics... and almost nothing else. every convo is politics or money related. in money include jobs, houses, cars, and expensive consumer purchasing. or travel/vacations.
i literally haven't talked about movies/shows/games/books with anyone in like a decade. if i try to bring that topic up people get weirded out and go right back to politics, money, or travel.
all my dates these days only care about my money and my politics too. nobody asks me what i like to do in my free time or what my favorite things are anymore. i saw a date between some younger 20 somethings and they were listing their fav shows/movies and talking about them and I was so incredibly jealous. last time I went on a date where someone asked me about that stuff was like 15 years ago.
i had a date this weekend and all she wanted to know was my politics, my job, my family/education background and what kind of car I drive. It was degrading.
47\
That's exactly why one of the neighborhood wives reached out to my wife to see if her husband could join our dnd game or otherwise hang out; she was concerned because he didn't really have friends that he ever saw or spent time with and felt like it was making him feel very lonely.
This last Saturday I invited him and another neighbor over and we had a side splitting time playing Sundefolk. Now we're discussing him running a campaign for us.
That's the first new social group of people for me in the last 5 years but it's pretty damn cool knowing there's at least 2 other fun dads in the neighborhood.
Edited to add some wordy words